[Hornlist] Prof. Pizka's Preponderments
Now, Prof. Pizka, has made some mostestests, interestingests of questions, (which all good professors should do from time to time) and Prof. Cabbage had made some good answers, (which is also in the professorial job descriptions) as we all know, but since this is the horn list, I am entitled to my mostest eruditedestest of opinions and answers as well, and as I am a professor's professor as they say, I am certainly as right or wrong as Dr. Kohl, and I have no disrespects for him, either way, so I am now making my own answers or as they say in the Garden State of New Jersey, Yo, I got youse answers RIGHT '! 1st: how to activate a valve on the horn ? Call the toll free number stamped on the valve and follow the recorded instructions. 2nd: how to put up the music stand? In the guest room or at a motel if you have a small apartment 3rd: which music stand is better: metal, wooden, plastic ? None of the above as this is the 21st century so titanium is best 4rth: are collapsable music stands dangerous for the player? Only if you live on the left coast and there is an earthquake 5th: Do decorated valve caps (mother-of-pearl e.g.) influence the sound quality ? Only if you have bad air support and a closed throat syllable 6th: Should I clean my horn with a brush - outside ? Yes if you are making a big mess of the house by cleaning it with a brush inside 7th: how often ? When the weather is good and it's not too cold outside 8th: where do I get water when exhausted from playing ? Same places you get water when exhilarated from playing 9th: what do do, when one must go pee-pee during a rehearsal? This is very confusing as if you must go pee-pee, then there should not be any do do (sic) but if there is, then you should do the same as pee, and always raise your hand and ask the conductor for permission to leave and then make sure once you have left to take advantage of your unscheduled break and have a beer and a sandwich or call your girlfriend or boyfriend or stockbroker or whatevers 10th: how to avoid a full stomach before playing a hard concert ? Make sure you purchase a round-trip meal ticket 11th: how to remember the most prominent composers of the Classic period, as they have German names ? The same way you remember the most obscure composers of the classic period as they have English names 12th: how to remember the note names ? Always be making an association with any name, like you do at a party, like when you meet somebody named Fred for examples, and he is wearing a red shirt, so you make the rememberings of Fred wearing red and it is easier with notes like in Kopprasch No. 1, you have C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E in the first phrase so you make rememberings of clam, dork, excrement, fart, groan, agony, barf, crap, dribble, enema, and the list goes on... 13th: how to remember a certain melody ? Like the estemablestest Prof. Cabbage made the suggestings of, use words, like for the solo in TIll Eulenspiegel's Lustige Streiche, This poor horn play-er, this poor horn play-er, this poor horn play-er will be lucky if he/she doesn't f**k this up! 14th: how to close the horn case properly ? Always follow the manufacturer's instructions correctly 15th: where do I get extra underwear if I had some problems during a difficult solo when playing 4rth horn in a Strauss Waltz program? At WalMart, look for it between the guns and the wax paper one isle over from the graphite lock lubricant and the wheel bearing grease across from the guitars, trumpets, flutes and clarinets. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Truthologicals, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Why the Mystery and is There a Divine Miracle for True Screw Bell Ring Lubrication? Founder,
[Hornlist] Re:...a quick question about cleaning
message: 17 date: Sat, 29 Apr 2006 01:10:13 -0700 (PDT) from: Larry Jellison [EMAIL PROTECTED] subject: [Hornlist] Re:...a quick question about cleaning My mother used to wrap my school lunch sandwiches in wax paper. This was before the availability of plastic wrap or baggies. My wife buys the stuff for use in the kitchen. Buy it? My mum recycled the bags out of the cornflakes boxes. Before your time maybe? Simple Simon :-) PS (NHR) Thank you, Lawrence. Your imagery conjures the word IZAL from the depths of my failing memory, but I don't think it was greaseproof. It certainly wasn't much good for what it was intended for either, except in that one used as little as possible, an essential factor in supplies for public facilities. My mum assured me that they only got 3 squares a time during the war: one up, one down and one polish! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
RE: [Hornlist] Prof. Pizka's Preponderments
Esteemed Dr.Prof.h.c. for your participation on this quiz. All answers were 199% correct, so yo passed the quiz successfully. == ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Scam season
It's the season for the 'Scam the Music Teacher' confidence game. Many of us
in the music department have received the scam that invites you to give
lessons to the 'daughter/son visiting your area for a few weeks'.
Do you think the Secret Service would be interested in this stuff?
Bob Dickow
Lionel Hampton School of Music
The sort of follow-up message you get---
Hi,Thanks for your email,my Daughter is coming to stay
with my cousin in Us for the period of her
learning,You are going to recieve the payment before
the date,i have contacted my business associate that
he should make my funds{$3500} available in payment of
some farm equipment i supplied to him.He assured me he
would make the payments (Us certified cashier check) available.I will
instruct him to get the cheque across to you (ASAP) and as soon as you get
cheque you would need to deduct your amount of ($360) from the total
of($3500) and send the remaining balance of $3140 via
western union money transfer so that she can use that
to book for her flight ticket in other to get to your
place. i will need your full details where the payment
cheque will be address to as well as your phone number
Regard
___
post: horn@music.memphis.edu
unsubscribe or set options at
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Re: [Hornlist] Quick question about cleaning.....
Your horn must be a newer model than mine...Mine still has a clutch and a manual transmission. Now please pass me another Bass ale... JEN --- [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Blue Juice on the rotors ATF on the bearings (automatic transmission fluid) - really automotive grease for the slides and vote #2 for Guinness Phil __ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
RE: [Hornlist] Scam season
The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) used to collect the e-mail scams coming
out of Nigeria. My guess is that would be a good place to start.
-Original Message-
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of
Robert Dickow
Sent: Sunday, April 30, 2006 6:53 PM
To: 'The Horn List'
Subject: [Hornlist] Scam season
It's the season for the 'Scam the Music Teacher' confidence game. Many of us
in the music department have received the scam that invites you to give
lessons to the 'daughter/son visiting your area for a few weeks'.
Do you think the Secret Service would be interested in this stuff?
Bob Dickow
Lionel Hampton School of Music
The sort of follow-up message you get---
Hi,Thanks for your email,my Daughter is coming to stay
with my cousin in Us for the period of her
learning,You are going to recieve the payment before
the date,i have contacted my business associate that
he should make my funds{$3500} available in payment of
some farm equipment i supplied to him.He assured me he
would make the payments (Us certified cashier check) available.I will
instruct him to get the cheque across to you (ASAP) and as soon as you get
cheque you would need to deduct your amount of ($360) from the total
of($3500) and send the remaining balance of $3140 via
western union money transfer so that she can use that
to book for her flight ticket in other to get to your
place. i will need your full details where the payment
cheque will be address to as well as your phone number
Regard
___
post: horn@music.memphis.edu
unsubscribe or set options at
http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/bgross%40airmail.net
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