[lace-chat] your heart
What bad news, David, but so good that it was detected in time and didn't cause you enormous problems!! No wonder we don't see you at the meetings anymore, but I hopw you will drop in som times now you have a brand new artery... All the best with everything, specially your Valenciennes :-) Helene, the froggy from Melbourne, where we didn't reach the 40 degrees outside, but got it in the library, the air conditioning having decided it was still winter that day...:-) Find local movie times and trailers on Yahoo! Movies. http://au.movies.yahoo.com To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] computer humour
I just got these from work, and can't remember seeing them on the list, so enjoy! Im sure Tamara particularly will appreciate, being an avid computer fan.. Helene, the froggy from Melbourne HOW TO CLEAN YOUR MOUSE This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items. -- 0 - At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that: If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon. General Motors has issued a press release stating: 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought Car 95 or Car NT. But then you would have to buy more seats. 6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads. 7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single general car default warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 9. The airbag system would say Are you sure? before going off. 10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna. 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept. 12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 13. You would press the start button to shut off the engine Find local movie times and trailers on Yahoo! Movies. http://au.movies.yahoo.com To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Getting There
Dear Friends, Many thanks to all of you who have sent letters of support over the past 24 hours or so. They mean such a great deal. I'm feeling better every day - particularly far lass tired. Walked along the creek today and carefully leant in to feel the eggs in the blue wren's nest. (I'm the only one who knows it's there). There are 2 eggs and they're warm and cosy. Should hatch in a day or two now. If they're 2 little females I think I shall call them Ange and Gina in memory of this past week :) Love David in Ballarat To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] The Bill Again
Dear Friends, You may recall some months back we had a discussion about what's been happening on The Bill. Well obviously the UK were far ahead of us when I went to their Homepage. I actually sent my first ever fan mail to Roberta TAYLOR (alias Gina GOLD) and of course never got a reply, which was disappointing at the time but I got over it. HOWEVER! the day I arrived home from hospital, there was a letter from the UK in my letter box, simply addressed to David Collyer, Ballarat, Australia Now we are a city of some 80,000 people but it found me. It was THE most beautiful photo of Roberta in her cop's uniform, personally autographed to me. I emailed her back last night and actually included my phone number :) Who knows, she might even ring??? All helps me feel like a kid again - even though I did tell her my real age. Love David To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] :-)) Tip toe
Tiptoe A man staggered home after another late evening with his drinking buddies. With shoes in his left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom. But he misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he grabbed the banister to catch himself, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump, which was made especially painful due to the now broken whiskey bottle he carried in each back pocket. Trying desperately to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants, and examined his lacerated, bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby hallway. He then managed to find a large, full box of Band-aids and proceeded to place a patch, as best he could, on each place he saw blood. After hiding the now almost empty Band-aid box, he was able to shuffle and stumble his way to bed. In the morning, the man awoke with a searing pain in his head and butt, and his wife staring at him from across the room. She said, You were drunk again last night. Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied, Now, hon, why would you say such a mean thing? Well, she said, it could be the open front door... it could be the glass at the bottom of the stairs... it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house... it could be your bloodshot eyes. But, mostly, it's all those Band-aids stuck on the downstairs mirror. Jeanette Fischer, Western Cape, South Africa To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] SP THANK YOU
Dear SP, forgive me for delay in thanking you, but I went back to Italy last Sunday and I am still confused and tired because of the jetlag. Oz and Aussies, and better Australian lacemakers are wonderful. Thank you for the usefull things you sent me, I really enjoyed them. Best wishes Alessandra To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] SP thank you
dear lucy and clancy (what handsome cats you are !!! ) how thoughtful of you to have your human send me that precious little book on how to train one's pet human . nice being able to check if there was anything i had forgotten over the years . I'll have to take the book with me under the bed so she doesn't mess everything up by reading it you see she's pretty well trained : she opens the window before taking her coat off when she's back from work, i have my meal first in the morning, she freezes to death and has a hell of an electricity bill because i need to have the window open at all times and i always have fresh kitten grass or else i start nibbling her precious house plants... she didn't let me look inside her parcel though .. she was busy looking for orange thingies among polythelene (or whatever..) chips .. strange!! .. she drooled over a frog , inflated a funny blue thing and said it was just what she needed . i overheard her say it was a foot spa !! of all things !! how can anybody in her right mind put her feet in soapy water and enjoy actually, she was absolutely delighted by everything there was in that super box . so give your human a special pat and purr. that box was as safe as Fort Knox or its australian equivalent .. and real fun to browse through can't wait till next month . we'll know who she is . purrrs othello To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] :) Fwd: Sugar
Possibly, a bit iffy for chat... But my excuse is that we're all adults here, and that David needs cheering up after his brush with unspeakable. From: J.F. Walking through the woods, a man comes upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against it. He asks, Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing? I'm listening to the music of the tree. You've gotta be kidding. No, not at all! Would you like to give it a try? Well, okay. So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against it. The other man immediately slaps a set of handcuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him naked and leaves. Two hours later, another nature lover strolls by, sees this man handcuffed to the tree naked and asks, What the hell happened to you? The hancuffed man tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he's describing his plight, the newcomer is shaking his head in sympathy, circling him. When the handcuffed man is finished talking, the second man walks around behind him, kisses him tenderly behind the ear and says, This just isn't your day, is it, Sugar? --- Tamara P Duvall http://lorien.emufarm.org/~tpd Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) Healthy US through The No-CARB Diet: no C-heney, no A-shcroft, no R-umsfeld, no B-ush. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
