[lace-chat] Kid's stuff
Two little kids are in a hospital, in beds next to each other in a semi-private room. The first kid leans over and asks "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. Don't worry, it's a breeze!" The second kid then asks "What are you here for?" The first kid says "A circumcision." "Oh oh", the second kid says, "wait up! I had that done soon after I was born, and I couldn't walk for a year!" Malvary in Ottawa To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] :) Fwd: Logical science
Apologies for a repeat, but it's as funny second time around as it had been the first. And some of you might not haver seen it (having joined the lace-chat after the steel "nut-cuffs" became the norm) before... From: A. N. Two builders (Fred & Barney) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the "suit". Fred: "I reckon he's an accountant." Barney: "No way he's a stockbroker." Fred: "He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!" The argument continues for some time until the volume of beer consumed gets the better of Fred and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the "suit" is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and several schooners get the better of the builder... Fred: "Scuse me no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?" Suit: "No offence taken! I'm a Doctor of Logical Science by profession." Fred: "Oh! What's that then?" Suit: "I'll try and explain by example...Tell me, do you have a goldfish at home?" Fred: "Er...mmm...well yeah, I do as it happens." Suit: Well, it's logical for me to assume that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?" Fred: "It's in a pond!" Suit: "Well then, it's reasonable for me to suppose that you have a reasonably large garden?" Fred: "Well, as it happens, yes I have got a big garden!" Suit: "Well then, it's logical to assume that if you have a large garden, you also have a large house?" Fred: "As it happens I've got a five bedroom house...built it myself!" Suit: "Well, given that you've built a five bedroom house, it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?" Fred: "Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!" Suit: "Well then, it's logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?" Fred: "Yep! Four nights a week!" Suit: "Well then, it's logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?" Fred: "Me? Never!" Suit: "Well, there you are! That's logical science at work!" Fred: "How's that then?" Suit: "Well, from finding out that you have a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life! Fred: "I see! That's pretty impressive... Thanks mate!" Both leave the toilet and Fred returns to his mate. Barney: "I see the suit was in there. Did you ask what he does?" Fred: "Yep! He's a logical scientist!" Barney: "What's that then?" Fred: "I'll try and explain. Let me see now.Do you have a goldfish?" Barney: "Nope" Fred: "Well, there you have it then; you're a wanker!" -- Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/ Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] :) Fwd: Jack & Jill
Yeah, I *do* realize it's a tad "iffy" for chat... But, by golly, the "fun factor" overweighs the "non-PC factor"... IMO... :) From: A.N. Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side. "When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her, and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large." I told her, "of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in thisfamily and I always will." Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem." Jack took his father's advice to heart, and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. "Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that". Jill paused, removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. "Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. "I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack. "Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your effing attitude, you never will." -- Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/ Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Re: New car keys rant
On Jan 15, 2005, at 4:25, Jean Nathan wrote: Having taken delivery of our new Ford Fusion car on 20th December, we decided it would be a good idea to each have a set of keys - we always have in the past. So yesterday I went to the Ford main dealer to get them. But, but, but, splutter with surprise... Aren't cars supposed to *come* with two sets of keys, like any good lock? My first car - a second-hand Toyota - had two. My VW Passat - bought new 3 yrs ago - had two *each*: the 'full size" and the "valet" (which will open the doors and start the car, but won't open either the glove compartment or the trunk/boot; it's used for valet parking and for leaving the car at the mechanics' for inspections and such). All 4 keys work both in remote mode and directly in the driver's door (which is necessary to open and close the windows via key, without activating the motor and the automatic system) It doesn't matter how much they charged you/were going to charge you... I think you've been HAD. I think you've been a victim of a SCAM. Does UK have an equivalent of our Better Business Bureau (where you can report un-lawful practices of the not-so-good businesses)? Report the SOBs. Not that reporting to BBB does a whole lot of good - cases drag for years, till the product has died, half of the time - but often it's not worth the hassle to the business in question, so they'll concede if you look like you're determined to go through the dreary routine. You can imagine my reaction when I was charged 71 GB pounds for two keys, Recently, I moved $200 from one savings account to another - both with the same bank. Since I've never before had two savings accounts in that bank (the second was started specifically for PayPal, in connection with the 2-Pair booklet), I wasn't sure how best to do the transfer and asked. "No problem", they told me; "we'll shift the funds electronically". Fine with me. Comes my monthly statement, and I've been charged $3 for the service. $3 - given our worthless (and plunging) dollar - may not be a whole lot to Donald Trump, but it's still money to me. If I'd written a withdrawal slip (from one account) and a deposit slip (to the second account), I'd have wasted paper and time, but would've been charged nothing, and the "advisor" should have advised me to do that. So, I screeched like a banshee, and they withdrew the charge. It's the third time a caught the bank misbehavin'... :) The other two times, money was deposited - and partially withdrawn - on the same Friday, after 2PM. All bank "deals", posted after 2PM of a given day, "activate" at 8AM of the next working day (ie, if you deposit your money at 3PM on Fri, it won't be cleared for use till 8AM on Mon). What the bank did was to hold the crediting of the deposit till the 8AM of the following Moday (correct) *but* withdraw the funds from the account *immediately*, ie Friday (incorrect), thus creating a two-day shortfall in funds, and granting themselves the right to charge me for overdraft... "Oh, no, you don't...", I said to myself, and went - guns blazing - and the two slips (deposit and retrieval) in hand. Apologies all around, and butter wouldn't melt... Business is a "good thing"; freedom to do business in a democratic society is a 'better thing" (ditto in a society which *claims* to be democratic... Unruly communists could be brought to heel by simply quoting their own laws back at them, and insisting the laws had to be obeyed... ). But you need to *watch* the sons-of-a-gun, with a hawk eye, at all times, or they'll screw you to the wall... -- Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/ Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Cookie/biscuit recipe
Hi All, Here's my Grandmother's recipe for Sugar Cookies. 1 Cup sugar (Castor sugar in the UK I think) 3/4 C. butter 1/4 C. milk 2 eggs, well beaten 3 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 t. salt 1/4 t. nutmeg 1 t. vanilla flour Mix ingredients together. Add enough flour to be able to roll the dough. Do not get dough too stiff. Bake at 400F for 12 minutes. I realize I've never made these myself because I don't know how much flour. The dough needs to be about as stiff as pie dough if that's any help! You can just sprinkle colored sugar on the cookies but my mother always frosted them with Buttercream frosting and we'd sprinkle that with colored sugar, cinnamon hearts, etc. Buttercream Frosting 1 pound Confectioners 10-X Sugar (powdered sugar) 1/2 C butter or margarine, softened 1 teaspoon vanilla 3 Tablespoons milk Beat together all ingredients until smooth. Add more milk if frosting is too thick for spreading. My parents moved to Oregon from Delaware about 12 years ago and I don't go out there for Christmas so I haven't had these cookies since. I've been thinking about making them because they're so good! I think the nutmeg makes them extra special. This year my brother sent me some gifts and they included some of these Christmas cookies - YUM!! He lives near our parents so his girlfriend, her 6 year old, my sister and Mom made the cookies together. They had a good time and the taste of the cookies really took me back . Jane in Vermont, USA where the pouring rain stopped and it's around freezing again so the driveway is a skating rink. [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Was car key, now remote control
Our TV remote control was damaged and getting it repaired was going to be a problem, so I bought an "all in one" remote from Tandy (does everyone have Tandy stores, I know it's American), read the fairly simple instructions, and it now controls the TV and the video - the satellite and the DVD still have their own remotes, I haven't tried "training" the all in one to do those, but I think its possible for it to at least control the DVD. The cost was only about $A50, and well worth it. Noelene in hot, very hot and dry Cooma. Lovely spring lawn is already brown in large patches [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://members.ozemail.com.au/~nlafferty/ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] New car keys rant - long
Jean You aren't the only one who's had a problem with car keys! When I bought my Citroen C3 at the beginning of July (used but only a few months old) it "came with two keys and a user manual" but there was only one key and no manual. So they (AutoPlanet) said that they would get the manual and the second key direct from Citroen. Despite several phone calls, (and I think they did order in July) neither arrived until December - only had to come from France, not slow boat from China! When the finally arrived I had to take it down to the main dealer about 20 miles away to be programmed, and yes it does take an hour or more to do. However, when I got there it was the wrong size key for the car! Not the dealer's fault so the immediate response wasn't quite so explosive! Anyway that dealer got a proper replacement key from Citroen within a week, so much for the five months it took AutoPlanet, but I had to go back again and get it programmed. Fortunately AutoPlanet got the invoice, I don't know how much for, but I'd guess it was on a par with what Ford charge. As for the TV remote control: Right at the beginning of January we went out to exchange a pair of Wellie boots that were a size too small, exchanged the Christmas present OK and then went into Currys next door and we came out with a TV, VCR & DVD player! So far so good, and apart from straining my back helping get the TV from the car indoors all was well until we opened the box. No remote control with the TV. and those with VCR and DVD wouldn't do the initial tuning in. A telephone call to the store got the response that although they would reimburse the cost, all parts have to be ordered through another company and the number to call was one of those "press 1 for this, press 2 for that" affairs which ended up just ringing and ringing with an automated voice telling you you're in a queue. So several phone calls later - Curry's couldn't get through to them either and Sony were unhelpful in refusing to supply a part only - Terry called in to the shop after work the next day and suggested they open the box of a similar model. There were supposedly none left in stock, but they had a drawer full of shop display TV remotes and so he came home with one of those. Officially it's on loan, but it's not damaged and it works so I'm not bothered whether or not they eventually come up with an official replacement. Again I don't actually know what the cost would have been. Brenda On 15 Jan 2005, at 09:25, Jean Nathan wrote: I'm going to write to Ford asking how they can justify 71 pounds for a couple of keys, one of which is a remote, when the remote control that operates both my TV and video recorder and carries out many more functions than the car key only costs a third of that. The main dealer is also getting a letter suggesting that the Service Department ought to know which cars/keys need to be activated by computer and which can be done in car, Brenda http://www.argonet.co.uk/users/paternoster/ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] :-) Two nuns
Two Nuns There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. Jeanette Fischer, Western Cape, South Africa To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] :-) New wine
A new wine for seniors California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as Pino More. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Bobbin display
Dominique wrote: That happened to me, but I noticed that the web site address which appeared in the address box wasn't the one that Tamara gave even though I pasted it into Internet Explorer - it was another page of the photo site. I deleted the URL and pasted the one Tamara gave in its place, and got the bobbin dsplay page. Jean in Poole To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] unsalted butter ??
I believe this message was meant for the group: Joy Beeson a décidé d' écrire à Ò[lace-chat] Re: biscuit recipes & unsalted butter ??Ó. [2005/01/14 18:29] > > There's a rule against freezing butter? > wasn't aware of it . i always have a frozen stick of butter so i as not to run short . and lacers who come to live in France beware : Butter with a capital B is unsalted (unless you live in Bretagne ). salted butter is just a possibility and the foil is a different color so as not to be mistaken . and that 's how i had salted butter on my bread this morning for breakfast: didn't see the little green label with "salted" on it . which doesn't bother me : i love the taste of salted butter with jam. I had to go to England to discover butter could be salted ... VBG... dominique from Paris , france. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Secret Pal Thank You
Thanks to my wonderful new pal. It was great. I got a box of tea, cookies, my favorite chocolate mints, and real Scottish Shortbread. I am in Hog heaven. I also got a beautiful tin and a too cute ladybug. There was some metalic thread that I dearly love and a pair of gorgeous bobbins. I also got a beautiful homemade ornament and a bag of biscuit mix. The kids have helped me eat all the goodies but the biscuits and they are on the menu for today. Thank You so much for my goodies and I hope you have a wonderful month. Hannah Moad To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] biscuit recipes & unsalted butter ??
Hi Leeann, for recipes with unsalted butter, I generally cut down the amount of salt added / not add any - depending on what the recipe asks for in terms of amount of salt and amount of butter. I can't say by exactly how much each time - but I've never had any problems with this. The only time I would use unsalted butter is where a recipe has no salt added. Hope this helps, Karen in Coventry -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.6.12 - Release Date: 14/01/2005 To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Secret Pal Thanks
Dear Secret Pal, Thank you so much for your parcel of goodies that arrived today. You are certainly multi-talented as the card that you sent is beautiful. Thank you so much for the thread I love the colours and will have to find a pattern so that I can use them! My husband has been eying up the jelly babies as they are his favourite so I expect that he will have them and I will have my favourite the white chocolate !! The notelets always come in handy as I never have any when I need one, so no excuses now ! The sachet is already in a drawer and smells lovely! I have never seen the tweezer and magnifying glass set before but aren't they a good idea ? I have a feeling that my husband will be using them as well as me as he makes oo gauge model trains and is always after both a magnifying glass and tweezers !! Now to answer a few of your questions. I have done some cross stitch in the past but haven't done any recently and this weekend if I find the time I am going to have a go at some wire lace. I have been promising myself this since before Christmas so we'll see !! My birthday is in September but my 26th wedding Anniversary is 24th February. I can't believe that it is almost a year since we celebrated our Silver Anniversary, where does the time go ? My favourite colours are lilacs and pinks and my favourite patterns are torchon and very simple Bucks. as I have only had a limited go at that. I collect small teddy bears and snowmen. All for now, many thanks again, Anne Nicholas To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Re: bobbin display
Tamara P. Duvall a décidé d' écrire à Ò[lace-chat] Re: bobbin displayÓ. [2005/01/15 02:05] But I saw and - hopefully - cconquered :) You may have > to do some cuttin' and pastin' but there are 4 photos of her bobbin > display "carousels" at: > > http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/margeryallcock/album?.dir=/ > 22cd&.src=ph&.tok=phOekXCB5k3C_Ppr > only saw quilts Where have the bobbins gone ? dominique To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Army Life Oz Style
I've been laughing all along while reading and couldn't laugh any louder when i came to the last line Jeeesus .!! dominique from Paris. David Collyer a décidé d' écrire à Ò[lace-chat] Army Life Oz StyleÓ. [2005/01/13 16:51] > You loving daughter, > Jill. > > David > To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] New car keys rant - long
Having taken delivery of our new Ford Fusion car on 20th December, we decided it would be a good idea to each have a set of keys - we always have in the past. So yesterday I went to the Ford main dealer to get them. I'd been told by the car salesman that the Parts Department would take car of that - "just pop in" and they'd supply them and activate them for me because neither DH or I were sure of the instructions in the owners manual. You can imagine my reaction when I was charged 71 GB pounds for two keys, and was then told that I'd need to go to the Service Department to get them activated. The Service Department said the car would need to be booked in and hitched up to a computer to activate the keys. That would take about an hour and the charge would be a further 84 GB pounds. I my response to that could be heard in the next town! I 'phoned DH from the dealer to tell him the cost, and he thought I was joking. I protested, saying that according to the owner's manual it could be done in the car, and I that I hadn't yet completed the questionnaire from Ford on my satisfaction with the service I'd received from the dealer. They found the service manager who said he'd see if it could be done in the car as we already have one set of active keys. It took him over half an hour - 5 minutes to program the keys and the rest wasting time trying to start the car with one of the keys which had been wrongly cut by the Parts Department, getting it recut and then activating it. I wasn't charged for that - I don't think they'd have dared. The salesman is now quite certain what I think about the fact that he didn't tell us what new keys would cost when he said the Parts Department would sort that out for us. His only response was that if it had been a Ford Focus, the remote key would have cost 200 GB pounds and he didn't think telling us the cost of spares was part of his job. I'm going to write to Ford asking how they can justify 71 pounds for a couple of keys, one of which is a remote, when the remote control that operates both my TV and video recorder and carries out many more functions than the car key only costs a third of that. The main dealer is also getting a letter suggesting that the Service Department ought to know which cars/keys need to be activated by computer and which can be done in car, and that the Sales staff should have a list of the prices of 'blonde' accessories like car keys, manuals, floor mats, etc that customers can easily deal with themselves so they don't get the kind of shock I did. I'm so pd of with main dealers that the Volkswagen dealer is getting a letter asking why they'd charged me 110 GB pounds NOT to solve the problem with cold starting I'd had on my 10-year old Polo because "the computer doesn't show there's anything wrong, so there isn't", was solved by my local friendly one-man garage for 25 GB pounds who cleaned the carburetta and replaced the cracked spark plug not noticed by the Volkswagen "technician", leaving the car starting and running perfectly. We sold the Polo to the ex-wife of the brother (also a car mechanic) of the one-man garage, who thinks it's absolutely wonderful, and, of course, has the connections to get anything fixed for free. End of rant. Jean in Poole To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
