Re: [ozmidwifery] good baby long
Cheryl, I wouldn't say I have it all together but am trying. This week Ena has runny nose and it can be frustrating at night so I get cross with the snot and try not to get cross with her!! I give her to Andrew at night before bed if she isn't goig off to sleep and he settles her in the sling. It gives me time to read in bed for a bit before she comes back. These things are helpful. BTW how did the ABA conference in Adelaide go? Jackie - Original Message - From: Cheryl LHK [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 6:53 PM Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] good baby long Jackie, That was so well written and expressed, and it sounds like you've got it all together!! I know that I have certainlly been guilty of using negative language to describe my baby's at times. I know that the time will pass quickly, but am hanging out for more sleep (after 5.5 yrs of majorly broken sleep). People look at me like I am a complete IDIOT when I say that it is not unusual for either hubby or I (more likely to be hubby, is the lighter sleeper) to get up 3,4,5 or more times a night to either one or all the kids. I try not to call my baby's bad, but they are damn cranky at times!! I look at some of my friends with the best sleeping and behaving children - and think to myself - what have they done! Arrrgh well, such is life... Enjoy your babe, sounds like you're loving it... Cheryl -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit http://www.acegraphics.com.au to subscribe or unsubscribe.
RE: [ozmidwifery] good baby long
Jackie, That was so well written and expressed, and it sounds like you've got it all together!! I know that I have certainlly been guilty of using negative language to describe my baby's at times. I know that the time will pass quickly, but am hanging out for more sleep (after 5.5 yrs of majorly broken sleep). People look at me like I am a complete IDIOT when I say that it is not unusual for either hubby or I (more likely to be hubby, is the lighter sleeper) to get up 3,4,5 or more times a night to either one or all the kids. I try not to call my baby's bad, but they are damn cranky at times!! I look at some of my friends with the best sleeping and behaving children - and think to myself - what have they done! Arrrgh well, such is life... Enjoy your babe, sounds like you're loving it... Cheryl From: Jackie Kitschke [EMAIL PROTECTED] Reply-To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: [ozmidwifery] good baby long Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 03:46:16 +0930 I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to share my 10 cents worth.I am only speaking on behalf of my experience and observations and advice from some of my family, friends and women I have looked after over the years. Good baby I had wanted to ask you what you thought a good baby was, as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they have said how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is. I know they are really asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say something like Of course she is a good baby, she's mine! or question them about how can a baby be good or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is nearly 6 months old) how she sleeps and I just say as a baby sleeps. Sometimes you can see the frustration appear before the big question does she sleep through or how long does she sleep? I say sometimes or when she feels like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all so negative because unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad and she's not. I find there are plus and minuses for both the broken nights sleep and the 8 hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few sessions of a couple of hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till about 0800. When she sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have usually been awake listening to make sure she is still alive (she starts the night feeding next to me, then I put her in her cot at the end of our bed and whenever she wakes I change her and she comes back into bed with us till I get up). If she has had the 8 hours then she wants to get up much earlier and then so do I. Ena sleeps in the sling for a quick nap in the morning or the pram when we go for a long walk (and coffee) and I have a lie down with her in the afternoon and she feeds off to sleep. When we are out she is smiley and happy generally and I take the sling for her to sleep in when she gets tired. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and your commentary reassures me to listen to Ena and my gut and enjoy her which I do. I can't get my head around a routine as she is changing all of the time and the above outline changes on a daily basis depending on what we are up to. As she is our only child I have the luxury of not having to factor in other children and I only plan 1 thing per day if I can as otherwise I know I would get all hepped up and then not be calm for Ena. Andrew, My good husband reminds me that my most important job is looking after our daughter and when I feel I haven't done anything all day this is good to remember. I have said these things to mothers for years yet when it is yourself you can be a hard judge. I think of Ena as a little person in a foreign world that we are teaching her to survive in. I wouldn't like Andrew to put me to bed, leave me screaming to teach me who's boss and his routine. She is growing up so fast and in September I will be back at work and she will be so much bigger and these rainy afternoons of just playing, feeding and sleeping together will all too soon be a distant memory. Watching her hands spread out on my skin as she feeds or her rooting around for my breast when she comes off in her sleep are such beautiful experiences that it is a shame if we are forced not to enjoy and savour this beautiful part of motherhood. Good husband/partner Belinda made mention a few weeks ago that just because the partner cleans a bit or cooks etc doesn't make them good. This I do agree with as if they iron or clean the bathroom people tell you, you are lucky to have such a good bloke. I think the domestic things are shared and this should be a given although since I am at home I do more so we have the weekends free. What makes life so much easier is when your partner loves having your baby in bed too, when they trust your instincts and when they, like you put the babies needs first. You then don't feel guilty or inadequate at home but a
Re: [ozmidwifery] good baby long
Hi Jackie, This is music to my ears -it warms my heart to hear a mother truly enjoying her baby as you are. This "surrender" is more difficult for some and much more difficult under the pressure to have a "good baby". Yet when a mother struggles and tries to impose one size fits all strategies to her unique babyshe risks breaking the connection between herself and her child(or never reallymaking it) and can even start to feel resentment and ambivalence as instincts are torn againstadvice not to "give in". Enjoy every sweet cuddle. Best wishes, Pinky - Original Message - From: Jackie Kitschke To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 4:16 AM Subject: [ozmidwifery] "good baby" long I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to share my 10 cents worth.Iam only speaking on behalf of my experience and observations and advice from some of my family, friends and women I have looked after over the years. Good baby I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby" was, as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they have said how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is.I know they are really asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say something like "Of course she is a good baby, she's mine!" or question them about how can a baby be good or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is nearly 6 months old) how she sleeps and I just say "as a baby sleeps". Sometimes you can see the frustration appear before the big question "does she sleep through" or "how long does she sleep?" I say sometimes or when she feels like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all so negative because unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad and she's not. I find there are plus and minuses for both the broken nights sleep and the 8 hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few sessions of a couple of hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till about 0800. When she sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have usually been awake listening to make sure she is still alive (she starts the night feeding next to me, then I put her in her cot at the end of our bed and whenever she wakes I change her and she comes back into bed with us till I get up). If she has had the 8 hours then she wants to get up much earlier and then so do I. Ena sleeps in the sling for a quick nap in the morning or the pram when we go for a long walk (and coffee) and I have a lie down with her in the afternoon and she feeds off to sleep. When we are out she is smiley and happy generally and I take the sling for her to sleep in when she gets tired. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and your commentary reassures me to listen to Ena and my gut and enjoy her which I do. I can't get my head around a routine as she is changing all of the time and the above outline changes on a daily basis depending on what we are up to. As she is our only child I have the luxury of not having to factor in other children and I only plan 1 thing per day if I can as otherwise I know I would get all hepped up and then not be calm for Ena. Andrew, My "good" husband reminds me that my most important job is looking after our daughter and when I feel I haven't done anything all day this is good to remember. I have said these things to mothers for years yet when it is yourself you can be a hard judge. I think of Ena as a little person in a foreign world that we are teaching her to survive in. I wouldn't like Andrew to put me to bed, leave me screaming to teach me who's boss and his "routine". She is growing up so fast and in September I will be back at work and she will be so much bigger and these rainy afternoons of just playing, feeding and sleeping together will all too soon be a distant memory. Watching her hands spread out on my skin as she feeds or her rooting around for my breast when she comes off in her sleep are such beautiful experiences that it is a shame if we are forced not to enjoy and savour this beautiful part of motherhood. Good husband/partner Belinda made mention a few weeks ago that just because the partner cleans a bit or cooks etc doesn't make them "good". This I do agree with as if they iron or clean the bathroom people tell you, you are lucky to have such a good bloke. I think the domestic things are shared and this should be a given although since I am at home I do more so we have the weekends free. What makes life so much easier is when your partner loves having your baby in bed too, when they trust your instincts and when they, like you put the babies needs first. You then don't feel guilty or inadequate at home but a goddess. These are just my thoughts and I am sure wouldn't suit everyone but sometimes it is
Re: [ozmidwifery] good baby long
Hi Jackie and Pinky: Firstly, Jackie you are doing such a wonderful thing loving and enjoying your baby so much. I just can't believe we are still having this discussion 27 years on from when I had my first daughter (28 yrs on july 23rd!!). Why is loving your baby still so hard??!! When I think back to my children's babyhoods the only thing I wish for is holding them more, expressing my love more, touching them more, never less!!! What parent ever thinks "oh, if only I hadn't cuddled "so and so" so much?" ? At leastI hope not. In hind sight don't we all wish we could have fed more and longer, touched more and often, etc. etc.. Someone on this list stated at one other time that the reason 4/24 feeding came into being was to get mothers to feed more frequently as at the time women were so burdened with work that baby's could often be neglected and failure to thrive and subsequent mortality was quite (very ) high... if whoever made this statement is still on this list, I would be interested in a reference for this as, it makes total sense to me. marilyn - Original Message - From: Pinky McKay To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 3:30 AM Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby" long Hi Jackie, This is music to my ears -it warms my heart to hear a mother truly enjoying her baby as you are. This "surrender" is more difficult for some and much more difficult under the pressure to have a "good baby". Yet when a mother struggles and tries to impose one size fits all strategies to her unique babyshe risks breaking the connection between herself and her child(or never reallymaking it) and can even start to feel resentment and ambivalence as instincts are torn againstadvice not to "give in". Enjoy every sweet cuddle. Best wishes, Pinky - Original Message - From: Jackie Kitschke To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 4:16 AM Subject: [ozmidwifery] "good baby" long I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to share my 10 cents worth.Iam only speaking on behalf of my experience and observations and advice from some of my family, friends and women I have looked after over the years. Good baby I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby" was, as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they have said how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is.I know they are really asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say something like "Of course she is a good baby, she's mine!" or question them about how can a baby be good or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is nearly 6 months old) how she sleeps and I just say "as a baby sleeps". Sometimes you can see the frustration appear before the big question "does she sleep through" or "how long does she sleep?" I say sometimes or when she feels like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all so negative because unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad and she's not. I find there are plus and minuses for both the broken nights sleep and the 8 hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few sessions of a couple of hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till about 0800. When she sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have usually been awake listening to make sure she is still alive (she starts the night feeding next to me, then I put her in her cot at the end of our bed and whenever she wakes I change her and she comes back into bed with us till I get up). If she has had the 8 hours then she wants to get up much earlier and then so do I. Ena sleeps in the sling for a quick nap in the morning or the pram when we go for a long walk (and coffee) and I have a lie down with her in the afternoon and she feeds off to sleep. When we are out she is smiley and happy generally and I take the sling for her to sleep in when she gets tired. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and your commentary reassures me to listen to Ena and my gut and enjoy her which I do. I can't get my head around a routine as she is changing all of the time and the above outline changes on a daily basis depending on what we are up to. As she is our only child I have the luxury of not having to factor in other children and I only plan 1 thing per day if I can as otherwise I know I would get all hepped up and then not be calm for Ena. Andrew, My "good" husband reminds me that my most important job is looking after our daughter and when I feel I haven't done anything all day this is good to remember. I
Re: [ozmidwifery] good baby long
I think the age of access to loads of different
information makes us forget the basics of loving and nuturing. I recently heard
Pinky speak at a Brisbane conference and the information made such perfect sense
and brought me back to reality and has made me rethink my practice when I'm
support parents with lactation and postnatal care. Thanks for the great lesson
Pinky
Louise
- Original Message -
From:
Marilyn
Kleidon
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 5:15 PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
Hi Jackie and Pinky:
Firstly, Jackie you are doing such a wonderful
thing loving and enjoying your baby so much.
I just can't believe we are still having this
discussion 27 years on from when I had my first daughter (28 yrs on july
23rd!!). Why is loving your baby still so hard??!! When I think
back to my children's babyhoods the only thing I wish for is holding them
more, expressing my love more, touching them more, never less!!! What parent
ever thinks "oh, if only I hadn't cuddled "so and so" so much?" ? At
leastI hope not. In hind sight don't we all wish we could have fed more
and longer, touched more and often, etc. etc..
Someone on this list stated at one other time
that the reason 4/24 feeding came into being was to get mothers to feed more
frequently as at the time women were so burdened with work that baby's could
often be neglected and failure to thrive and subsequent mortality was quite
(very ) high... if whoever made this statement is still on this list, I would
be interested in a reference for this as, it makes total sense to
me.
marilyn
- Original Message -
From:
Pinky McKay
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 3:30
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
Hi Jackie,
This is music to my ears -it warms my
heart to hear a mother truly enjoying her baby as you are. This "surrender"
is more difficult for some and much more difficult under the pressure to
have a "good baby". Yet when a mother struggles and tries to impose one size
fits all strategies to her unique babyshe risks breaking the
connection between herself and her child(or never reallymaking
it) and can even start to feel resentment and ambivalence as instincts are
torn againstadvice not to "give in".
Enjoy every sweet cuddle.
Best wishes,
Pinky
- Original Message -
From:
Jackie
Kitschke
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 4:16
AM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting
threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to share
my 10 cents worth.Iam only speaking on behalf of my experience and
observations and advice from some of my family, friends and women I have
looked after over the years.
Good baby
I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby"
was, as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they
have said how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is.I know they
are really asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say something
like "Of course she is a good baby, she's mine!" or question them about
how can a baby be good or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is nearly 6
months old) how she sleeps and I just say "as a baby sleeps". Sometimes
you can see the frustration appear before the big question "does she sleep
through" or "how long does she sleep?" I say sometimes or when she feels
like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all so negative because
unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad and she's not. I
find there are plus and minuses for both the broken nights sleep and the 8
hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few sessions of a couple of
hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till about 0800. When she
sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have usually been awake listening
to make sure she is still alive (she starts the night feeding next to me,
then I put her in her cot at the end of our bed and whenever she wakes I
change her and she comes back into bed with us till I get up). If she has
had the 8 hours then she wants to get up much earlier and then so do I.
Ena sleeps in the sling for a quick nap in the morning or the pram when we
go for a long walk (and coffee) and I have a lie down with her in the
afternoon and she feeds off to sleep. When we are out she is smiley and
happy generally and I tak
Re: [ozmidwifery] good baby long
Thanks for your lovely feedback
Louise,
Pinky
- Original Message -
From:
Geoff Louise Wightman
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 10:45
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
I think the age of access to loads of different
information makes us forget the basics of loving and nuturing. I recently
heard Pinky speak at a Brisbane conference and the information made such
perfect sense and brought me back to reality and has made me rethink my
practice when I'm support parents with lactation and postnatal care. Thanks
for the great lesson Pinky
Louise
- Original Message -
From:
Marilyn
Kleidon
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 5:15
PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
Hi Jackie and Pinky:
Firstly, Jackie you are doing such a wonderful
thing loving and enjoying your baby so much.
I just can't believe we are still having this
discussion 27 years on from when I had my first daughter (28 yrs on july
23rd!!). Why is loving your baby still so hard??!! When I think
back to my children's babyhoods the only thing I wish for is holding them
more, expressing my love more, touching them more, never less!!! What parent
ever thinks "oh, if only I hadn't cuddled "so and so" so much?" ? At
leastI hope not. In hind sight don't we all wish we could have fed
more and longer, touched more and often, etc. etc..
Someone on this list stated at one other time
that the reason 4/24 feeding came into being was to get mothers to feed more
frequently as at the time women were so burdened with work that baby's could
often be neglected and failure to thrive and subsequent mortality was quite
(very ) high... if whoever made this statement is still on this list, I
would be interested in a reference for this as, it makes total sense to
me.
marilyn
- Original Message -
From:
Pinky McKay
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 3:30
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] "good
baby" long
Hi Jackie,
This is music to my ears -it warms my
heart to hear a mother truly enjoying her baby as you are. This
"surrender" is more difficult for some and much more difficult under the
pressure to have a "good baby". Yet when a mother struggles and tries to
impose one size fits all strategies to her unique babyshe risks
breaking the connection between herself and her child(or never
reallymaking it) and can even start to feel resentment and
ambivalence as instincts are torn againstadvice not to "give
in".
Enjoy every sweet cuddle.
Best wishes,
Pinky
- Original Message -
From:
Jackie
Kitschke
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 4:16
AM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting
threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to
share my 10 cents worth.Iam only speaking on behalf of my
experience and observations and advice from some of my family, friends
and women I have looked after over the years.
Good baby
I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby"
was, as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they
have said how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is.I know
they are really asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say
something like "Of course she is a good baby, she's mine!" or question
them about how can a baby be good or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is
nearly 6 months old) how she sleeps and I just say "as a baby sleeps".
Sometimes you can see the frustration appear before the big question
"does she sleep through" or "how long does she sleep?" I say sometimes
or when she feels like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all so
negative because unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad
and she's not. I find there are plus and minuses for both the broken
nights sleep and the 8 hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few
sessions of a couple of hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till
about 0800. When she sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have
usually been awake listening to make sure she is still alive (she starts
the night feeding next to me, then I put her in her cot at the end of
our be
