RE: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
Patrick Cabe wrote:
> ...or "separate vacation??" Or "trip home to mom?" Or
> "reassignment away from home?" Seems like there are lots of euphemisms for
married
> persons living apart for more or less extended periods of time, some
innocuous,
> some not so innocuous. (Is the original question vacuous?)
The story I saw on the Today Show was actually a bit more well
thought out than that. The first example discussed was of a woman who got an
offer to work (teach, if I remember correctly) overseas for three months.
Circumstances meant that her family couldn't come with her. Her husband
encouraged her to take the opportunity, as a chance to explore a direction
that the circumstances of her marriage had prevented her from exploring
earlier.
I don't remember the details of the other story (I didn't think the
piece was very interesting, and I was reading my email at the time), but I'm
fairly sure that it was equally innocuous. Neither story struck me as a
sabbatical away from a marriage as much as simply a spouse taking an
opportunity that meant extended physical separation from the spouse/family.
I would have expected a separation motivated purely by a need for a break
from the marital situation, but that wasn't it at all, as far as I could
tell. My suspicion is that the writer got this phrase in her head ("marriage
sabbatical") that would sell books, and hoped that the reader wouldn't
notice how hard she had to push to fit the fairly mundane anecdotes into
that mold. It seems like a little ado about nothing. I'll wager that once we
stop discussing it here, we never hear the phrase again.
Either way, though, it was clearly not merely about trial
separations or anything else likely to end in a permanent end to the
marriage. The woman in the first story talked mostly about how it made her
value the normal day-to-day circumstances of her marriage more.
Paul Smith
Alverno College
Milwaukee
Re: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
To set the record straight: Could Michael please tell us his source for the opening sentence? Others have chimed in with possible answers, but only he knows where he found this idea. > Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect > of the growth and strengthening process in marital and family > relations. Stuart ___ Stuart J. McKelvie, Ph.D.,Phone: (819)822-9600 Department of Psychology, Extension 2402 Bishop's University, Fax: (819)822-9661 3 Route 108 East, Lennoxville, e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Quebec J1M 1Z7, Canada. Bishop's University Psychology Department Web Page: http://www.ubishops.ca/ccc/div/soc/psy ___
RE: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
Beth wrote: > Is it similar to the "open marriage" idea that some > screwballs in the 70's tried to convince everyone was the norm? I don't think anyone ever tried to convince others that open marriage was a "norm," Beth (and it was the sixties when it originated, btw), but a number of people DID find the core value both appropriate and positive for their relationships. Basically, open marriage takes the position that if two people really care about each other, they should want their partner to have complete freedom of choice and every opportunity to enjoy happiness. If that choice includes intimacy with someone outside the marriage, they feel that it's perfectly acceptable and the right of their partner to do so. Jealousy becomes a definite negative, and an impediment to real intimacy in a relationship according to those who are in open marriages (and I know quite a number of people who are--my doctoral research was with the lifestyle community on the Internet, which includes swingers, polys, and open marriage advocates). That type of relationship isn't for everyone--but it's hardly in the same class as the idiotic idea of becoming closer to your partner by taking a vacation FROM him or her! Open marriage is, at least theoretically, about sharing (genetically, of course, for the male it's about propagating one's genes [see: Baker, B. (1996). _Sperm Wars: The science of sex._ New York: Basic.] and thus is "normal" in any reasonable sense). Personally, I'm quite content with monogamy (I've been married for 21 years), but I can well understand the arguments of those in the lifestyle--and in terms of psychological content they make as much sense (if not more sense) as do those of the more conventional monogamous viewpoint. But NOT a vacation from one's spouse! Rick -- Rick Adams [EMAIL PROTECTED] "... and the only measure of your worth and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you're gone. --Fred Small, Everything Possible "
RE: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
Um, might a synonym for "marriage sabbatical" be "trial separation?" Nathalie Cote > -Original Message- > From: Michael Sylvester [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > Sent: Monday, February 12, 2001 8:26 AM > To: TIPS > Subject: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals > > > > Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of > the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. > So the common sense idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder > may enjoy some support. > Are there any Developmental texts that include marriage sabbaticals > or recommend those sabbaticals in the mid adulthood phase? > > Michael Sylvester,PhD > Daytona Beach,Florida > > > > >
RE: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
...or "separate vacation??" Or "trip home to mom?" Or "reassignment away from home?" Seems like there are lots of euphemisms for married persons living apart for more or less extended periods of time, some innocuous, some not so innocuous. (Is the original question vacuous?) > Um, might a synonym for "marriage sabbatical" be "trial separation?" > > Nathalie Cote ** Patrick Cabe, Ph.D. Department of Psychology University of North Carolina at Pembroke One University Drive Pembroke, NC 28372-1510 (910) 521-6630 [EMAIL PROTECTED] "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty." Thomas Jefferson "There is the danger that everyone waits idly for others to act in his stead." Albert Einstein "Majorities simply follow minorities. Gandhi
RE: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
Michael Sylvester wrote: > Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of > the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. Viewed as an important aspect by who? A sabbatical is effectively an opportunity to take time away from a day-to-day pursuit in the interest of personal and professional growth in one's chosen field. Thus, if a college professor takes a sabbatical from teaching, s/he is expected to use that time learning and improving his or her skills in the academic arena. Since you use the term "sabbatical" for such an event in marriage, presumably you are referring to taking a year off from a marriage to make love to other people for the purpose of improving one's marital skills. Is this something you seriously believe will strengthen a relationship? > So the common sense idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder > may enjoy some support. As may the idea "out of sight--out of mind." If _your_ spouse left for a year to "grow" would you be happy about it, or would you be concentrating on your OWN growth while she was gone--quite possibly with someone else? > Are there any Developmental texts that include marriage sabbaticals > or recommend those sabbaticals in the mid adulthood phase? If there are, they really don't belong in a modern classroom. Rick -- Rick Adams [EMAIL PROTECTED] "... and the only measure of your worth and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you're gone. --Fred Small, Everything Possible "
RE: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
I recently heard an interview with a women who just published a book describing her trip around the world as part of her "marriage sabbatical" That interview was the first I ever heard about it. She is a self described housewife so there was nothing other than her anecdotal reports in the book. I had the same response to MS's post, what is the evidence that marriage sabbaticals strengthen family relations. Given the author was from Florida, maybe she is getting a lot of press down there. Gary J. Klatsky, Ph.D. Department of Psychology[EMAIL PROTECTED] Oswego State University of NY http://www.oswego.edu/~klatsky Oswego, NY 13126Voice: (315) 312 3474 -Original Message- From: Beth Benoit [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] Sent: Monday, February 12, 2001 10:52 AM To: TIPS Subject:Re: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals >Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of > the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. SEZ WHO?? I've been married for 32 years (to the same guy) and while once in a while a "marriage sabbatical" of an hour or two might have had some appeal to ME perhaps (but certainly not to my husband since he's married to a flawless creature ;-) ), I am wondering if MS made that idea up. Is it similar to the "open marriage" idea that some screwballs in the 70's tried to convince everyone was the norm? Beth Benoit -- >From: Michael Sylvester <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >To: TIPS <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >Subject: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals >Date: Mon, Feb 12, 2001, 8:25 AM > > > Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of > the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. > So the common sense idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder > may enjoy some support. > Are there any Developmental texts that include marriage sabbaticals > or recommend those sabbaticals in the mid adulthood phase? > > Michael Sylvester,PhD > Daytona Beach,Florida > > > > > >
Re: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
Gee, and here I thought MS meant we should be able to take a sabbatical from our teaching/research positions to work on/strengthen and enjoy our marriages. Forget all previous posts I have made today. I AM BRAIN_DEAD! annette On Mon, 12 Feb 2001, Beth Benoit wrote: > >Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of > > the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. > > SEZ WHO?? > > I've been married for 32 years (to the same guy) and while once in a while a > "marriage sabbatical" of an hour or two might have had some appeal to ME > perhaps (but certainly not to my husband since he's married to a flawless > creature ;-) ), I am wondering if MS made that idea up. Is it similar > to the "open marriage" idea that some screwballs in the 70's tried to > convince everyone was the norm? > > Beth Benoit Annette Taylor, Ph. D. Department of PsychologyE-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] University of San Diego Voice: (619) 260-4006 5998 Alcala Park San Diego, CA 92110 "Education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get." -- W. L. Bryan
RE: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
Beth Benoit wrote: > SEZ WHO?? > > I've been married for 32 years (to the same guy) and while > once in a while a "marriage sabbatical" of an hour or two might have had some > appeal to ME perhaps (but certainly not to my husband since he's married > to a flawless creature ;-) ), I am wondering if MS made that idea up. It was on the Today Show this morning, in the form of a short discussion with a woman who has apparently interviewed a number of couples who had taken some time off from each other. I'd never heard of it before that piece appeared, and of course one news story does not make a trend, but I would assume that was the source. Paul Smith Alverno College Milwaukee
Re: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
>Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of > the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. SEZ WHO?? I've been married for 32 years (to the same guy) and while once in a while a "marriage sabbatical" of an hour or two might have had some appeal to ME perhaps (but certainly not to my husband since he's married to a flawless creature ;-) ), I am wondering if MS made that idea up. Is it similar to the "open marriage" idea that some screwballs in the 70's tried to convince everyone was the norm? Beth Benoit -- >From: Michael Sylvester <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >To: TIPS <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >Subject: Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals >Date: Mon, Feb 12, 2001, 8:25 AM > > > Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of > the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. > So the common sense idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder > may enjoy some support. > Are there any Developmental texts that include marriage sabbaticals > or recommend those sabbaticals in the mid adulthood phase? > > Michael Sylvester,PhD > Daytona Beach,Florida > > > > > >
Lifespan:Marriage sabbaticals
Taking a marriage sabbatical is been viewed as an important aspect of the growth and strengthening process in marital and family relations. So the common sense idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder may enjoy some support. Are there any Developmental texts that include marriage sabbaticals or recommend those sabbaticals in the mid adulthood phase? Michael Sylvester,PhD Daytona Beach,Florida
