At The Parent-Infant Center we try to think of it as
"learning", rather than "training." There follows an article that we share with
parents whose kids are reaching that stage.
Toilet learning is different from toilet training.
While toilet training is something that an adult does to a child, toilet
learning is when children play an active part in their own learning. Toilet
learning begins with knowing the signs that tell you children are ready to use
the toilet. Learning will happen when you teach in a way that does not punish
and does not use treats or rewards. Children who are ready need no rewards to
make them want to learn. Most children will be happy and proud when they can go
to the potty by themselves, and that is reward enough.
The key to toilet learning is teaching--not
training--children. It is important to teach them to listen to their
bodies, to talk to others clearly about their needs, to get their own clothes
off (sometimes with a little help), and to feel good about learning something
new. The goal is for the child to feel proud of what she has done.
When are Children Ready for Toilet
Learning?
Every child is different. Just as each child learns
walk in his own time, each child becomes ready for toilet learning in his own
time. Most children show signs of being physically, mentally, and emotionally
ready between the ages of 24 and 38 months. Often, children will have some but
not all of these signs of readiness.
Here is a checklist of readiness signs to look for in
the children. Toilet learning is possible when children are not fully ready, but
it is smoothest when children are ready in all three areas.
Signs of Readiness Checklist
Physical Readiness
Child can stay dry for longer periods of time,
or overnight
Child knows the feelings that signal he/she
needs to use the bathroom
Child can pull down own pants, and pull them
up
Child can get him or herself to the
toilet
Mental and Language Readiness
Child can follow simple directions
Child can point to wet or soiled clothes and ask
to be changed
Child pays attention to the physical signals
even when she is doing something else (a challenge for many children, which
is why accidents are so common)
Child knows the words for using the toilet, and
can tell an adult when he/she needs to go
Child has asked to wear grown-up
underwear
Emotional Readiness
Child seeks privacy when going in diaper
Child shows interest in using the toilet--may
want to put paper in and flush it
Child shows curiosity at other peoples toilet
habits
Child has decided he/she wants to use the
toilet
Child is not afraid of the toilet
The Normal Ups and Downs of Toilet
Learning
The course of toilet learning is not always smooth.
Accidents and setbacks can happen. Accidents are very common and are a normal
part of the learning process. When young children are playing, they can forget
the physical signals that they need to use the bathroom. Also, children might be
interested in using the toilet one day, and not the next. Many children will
insist on wearing diapers and refuse any suggestion of using the toilet.
Setbacks like these are normal. Here are some common reasons for
setbacks:
Often, children are afraid of change and want to
be a baby again. This is normal and natural when children are learning to use
the toilet. Try to respect the child's timing and let her take time off from
the hard work of learning to use the toilet.
Sometimes, fear is at the root of a child's
refusal to use the toilet. Children may be fearful that their bodies might be
giving up something important, or simply afraid of the loud flush of the
toilet. Watch for signs of fear. Sometimes just putting the feelings into
words for the child can help: "You seem afraid of using the toilet." or "That
toilet sounds very loud, doesn't it?"
Just like adults, children want to be alone when
they are using the toilet. Some children do not want to use a toilet in a
group setting. Provide as much privacy as you can while still being able to
watch over things.
Some children have trouble with constipation and
do not want to use the toilet. Also, while some children have regular bowel
movements, others do not. Increasing fiber in the child's diet can help make
children more regular, and sometimes this can help a child to succeed in using
the toilet. Encourage families to serve high-fiber foods to children, such as
fruits, vegetables, or whole grain products, and serve these as snacks
whenever you can.
Toileting can also become a power struggle between
parent and child. Parents do not always have the control they would like to
have--while you can make a child sit on the potty, you cannot make him use it.
Sometimes this can force a parent into insisting that the child
