A little girl and her mother were out and about. The
girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, Mommy, How
old are you?
The mother responded, Honey, women don't talk about
their age. You'll learn this as you get older.
The girl then asked, Mommy, how much do you weigh?
Her mother
One doctor husband and his wife are having a fight at breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, and you are no good in bed either and storms out of the house. After sometime he realises he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
Art thou lonely, O my brother?
Share thy little with another!
Stretch a hand to one unfriended,
And thy loneliness is ended.
JOHN OXENHAM
An elderly man went to the pharmacy with a prescription for Viagra 50mg. He
asked the pharmacist to cut the pills in half. The pharmacist replied Sir that
dosage won't be strong enough. The elderly man looked at the pharmacist and
said I just want it to stand up enough so I don't pee on my
A woman found out that she was pregnant. On telling her husband the news, she said to him, 'Darling, I'm really sorry, but it is a tradition that in our family, that wife's brother always names the child.' 'But your brother's an idiot!' protested the husband. 'He'll make a mess of it.' Nine
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.
Yeah she replies, When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, Here Lies My Husband -
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop noise. The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mould, explains the guide. The popping sound
Men are like..Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like.Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Men are like.Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Men are like.Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long
THE CLOWN
A crowd was gathering beneath the tent-
The clown must keep them in a happy mood;
No matter if the jokes are rough and rude,
A circus is a place for merriment.
And one must be quick-minded and invent
New tricks and let no saddened thoughts intrude,
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Editorial: Nelson Mandela Loses a Son
January 7, 2005
Among the biggest obstacles to combating the global AIDS
epidemic is the culture of silence and shame that continues
to surround the disease, especially in
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard
Blondes and Food:
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their
After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole' boy finally goes with
her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the
preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!
The
FRIENDS
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine.
Friendships that have stood the test
Time and change are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow grey;
Friendship never
New Year' Eve Special: Blonde Jokes.
The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a
Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sarsaparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with a Red Indian's head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, I hate Indians; last week the
Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the
What A Flight
Passengers on a plane are waiting for the flight to leave. Two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms. Both are wearing dark glasses. One is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through
There were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by
night.
And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them and the glory of the Lord shone
round about them and they were sore afraid.
And
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates. In honour of this holy season, Saint Peter said, You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked
it
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, It's dark in here, isn't it?
Yes, it is, the man
i am out to two of my lady friends who are extremely supportive and far from being hags. We do have great times going out together. In fact, their entire outlook on the LG vista is a very understanding one. I do feel that the term Faghags is rather derogatory. This, of course, is a personal
We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us
something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our
touch.
Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous
delight or any experience
that reveals the human spirit.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who
yell, Who's white horse is that outside?
The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns and
says, It's my horse. Why do you want to know?
The cowboy looks and him and says, Well, your
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father
Learn To Be A Good Listener
If you wish to grow in the spirit of understanding, you must let the other
person talk and prove his point to his satisfaction. Do not interrupt him,
while he is talking. You know how exasperated you become when someone
interrupts you, while you are
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Groups Debate Slower Strategy on Gay Rights
December 9, 2004
By JOHN M. BRODER
LOS ANGELES, Dec. 8 - Leaders of
God and the Gallon of Milk
This will give you chillsJust remember, Our God is an Awesome
God!
READ This All the Way and send it back please! This will give you
the chillsGOOD Chills.
A young man had been to Wed. night Bible study. The pastor had
shared about listening
Be Passionate Through Life!
Be passionate.
When one is passionate, there is a deep desire.
A fire inside.
And the will to approach life's circumstances and challenges,
in a real way both to yourself and others.
To explore your creative side,
express yourself, in depth and knowledge.
There is no
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Frank Rich: The Plot Against Sex in America
December 12, 2004
WHEN they start pushing the panic button over moral
values at the bluest of TV channels, public broadcasting's
WNET, in the bluest of cities, New
An man was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The first man asked Please,
Ode To A Mammogram
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts,
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: God, When shall I see the defeat of George Bush? God replies: Son, you will not see it in your lifetime. Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: God, when shall I see the capture
21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS..!!
Our communication - Wireless
Our business - Cashless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation -
God and the Gallon of Milk
This will give you chillsJust remember, Our God is an Awesome
God!
READ This All the Way and send it back please! This will give you
the chillsGOOD Chills.
A young man had been to Wed. night Bible study. The pastor had
shared about listening
Learn To Be A Good Listener
If you wish to grow in the spirit of understanding, you must let the other
person talk and prove his point to his satisfaction. Do not interrupt him,
while he is talking. You know how exasperated you become when someone
interrupts you,
One day a little Red Indian girl asked her mother how all the babies of their family got their names so her mother said, When your brother was born your father looked out the teepee and saw a running bear so his name is Running-Bear. When your sister was born your father looked out the
*Blonde: I would like to return these bird seeds to you that I bought from here 2 weeks ago.
Clerk: What was the problem don't you have any birds?
Blonde: Birds What birds?? I planted every one of those seeds and not 1 bird came up!!
*There are two brunettes and a blonde inside a
A Man Of Understanding
The man of understanding knows what it is to agree, despite differences.
Even when he does not agree, he respects the other person. He never indulges
in backbiting. He does not compare himself or his partner with others. He
forgets his ego. He
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Life in the 1500's
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the
water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things
used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
These are interesting...
Most people got married in June
Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions. How old are you? I'm four and a half You're never 36 and a half you're four and a half going
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
I realise
When Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he said One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, good luck Mr. Goorski.
For years, mission control tried to find what he meant by Good luck Mr. Goorski. They checked with Russian astronauts but could not locate Mr. Goorski. Until
The Mysterious thing called LOVE
If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle
with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to
rest in the other person's heart.
If you find someone else in love with you and you don't
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a
rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him
into his study and said: I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up,
study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then we'll
I MUST GO ON FROM HERE
There is so much
I have seen before
And so much I will see again,
But what does it matter?
If I do or I don't,
All I need to do, is to go on.
And what does it matter
If I lived here
Or died here
As long as I know that
I have gone on.
And what does it matter
If I
A truck driver frequently travelled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by.
One day, he spotted a
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time
Wishing all Muslim brethren Eid Mubarak.
Asfan.
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What's hot
At Last, a Microsoft Search Tool
November 10, 2004
By JOHN MARKOFF
SAN FRANCISCO, Nov. 9 - Microsoft is planning to introduce
its long-awaited Internet search engine on Thursday, a
person knowledgeable about the announcement said.
Word of the introduction of the service, which will
I had always suspected that Arafat had AIDS. He had all the makings.
Asfan.
On Wed, 10 Nov 2004 Kris Bass wrote :
Hello,
If you fantasize about older men and political icons of the world,
this might interest you. Please take this lightly.
http://engayginglife.blogspot.com/2004/11/dont-kill
**There was this Asian lady married to an English Gentleman and they lived
in
London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to
communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to
shop for groceries.
One day, she wanted to buy pork legs. She went
DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES:
**Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: Woven?. Are you sure?.
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.
**Caller: I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?.
Caller: The living room.
I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked
side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped
in front of the first section and said, This is the Receiving Section. Here,
all petitions to God said in prayer are received.
I looked
Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman
wearing a very tight sweater. She made the three priests very nervous,
so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first
An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his
hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, Can I help ya lad? Yesss,
hombody stole me car!! the Irishman replies. The cop asked, Well now,
where was your car the last time you saw it? T'was at the end of
The article below from NYTimes.com
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Health Textbooks in Texas to Change Wording About Marriage
November 6, 2004
AUSTIN, Tex., Nov. 5 (AP) - The Texas Board of Education
approved new health textbooks for the state's high schools
and middle schools on
Reason why I never visit rich people!!
Question : What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?
Answer: tea please
Question : Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice
tea or green tea ?
Answer : Ceylon tea
Question : How would you like it ?
Elton John, after living a life typifying both Sixties 'hip' and Seventies 'swing',
and passing through all the obligatory cycles of sex, drugs, depravity, and bad pop
phases, has now decided to give up the debauchery, and get married.
He is set to wed longtime boyfriend David Furnish,
Prash
I think that your views on the subject are definitely the most sensible I have read so
far.nbsp; Good show!
Asfan.
On Wed, 03 Nov 2004 prashanth prabhakar wrote :
Dear all,
That was nicely put by Ajay.The key lies in being happy with oneself.
Each way of living (viz being single
A lady approaches her priest and says, Father, I have a problem. I have two female
talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.
What do they say? the priest inquires.
They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'
That's terrible, the priest
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the
lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I
will allow one
Fat, Wine Beer
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
medical studies:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and
Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.
Albert Schweitzer
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
DAVID VISCOTT
The
This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School California) Staff voted
unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This came about
because they implemented a policy
requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and
missing
It was reported today that at a White House staff meeting last week there was a
heated discussion about the health of Vice President Cheney and his angina problem.
President Bush interrupted and stated emphatically that men do not have anginas.
The President was especially perplexed when
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub
the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will
Georgians to Vote on Marriage
October 27, 2004
By ARIEL HART
ATLANTA, Oct. 26 - The State Supreme Court said Tuesday
that Georgians could vote next week on an amendment to the
state Constitution that would ban same-sex marriage. It did
not rule on the amendment's merits, but said it could be
**Every once in a while, along comes a sentence that just sums everything up into one
neat, tidy package:
Life is all about ass ...either you are covering it, kicking it, kissing it, trying
to get it or acting like one.
**A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday,
been warned!!
Asfan.
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic
sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she hobbles the few feet across the
store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk:
Ddddooo
My people? Who are they?
I went into the church where the congregation
Worshipped my God. Were they my people?
I felt no kinship to them as they knelt there.
My people!!Where are they?
I went into the land where I was born,
Where men spoke my language
.
I was a stranger there.
My
Listening For Love
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we
feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate
to say the actual words 'I love you.' So we try to communicate the idea in
other words. We say take care or
A man went to the doctor who told him he had only 24 hours to live. He went home to
tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would
have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.
Of course, Darling! she replied. And so they had sex.
Four hours
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment,
that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his
wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. You see
that thing, woman? he happily exclaimed,
and your
interaction with the Indian gay community.
Asfan
Tale of Gay Life in Britain Wins a Top Literary Prize
October 20, 2004
By SARAH LYALL
LONDON, Oct. 19 - The Line of Beauty, Alan Hollinghurst's
lavish novel about a young gay man negotiating the
confusions, delights and horrors of life in Thatcherite
Britain in the mid-1980's, won the Man
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where
they first met.
Sitting at a café, the little old man says, Remember the first time I met you over 50
years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave
you one from
Dear Ashok,
Glad you liked it. Hope you liked the previous one too - about his dying in a plane
crash.
Asfan.
On Mon, 18 Oct 2004 ASHOK ROWKAVI wrote :
Asfan,
you are a scream. This is a fantastic joke. But God save us if he comes back.
Ashok Row Kavi
Yahoo
OK guys, just paste the link and log on. It's hilarious. But you should have a
sound card and speakers.
Asfan.
http://www.badmash.org/dishoom.php
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex
drive.
What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.
Not a chance, says Mrs.. Murphy. He won't even take an aspirin for a headache.
No problem, replies the doctor. Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it.
The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman. Can I help you?
the madam asked.
I want Natalie, the old man replied.
Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else...
No, I must see Natalie.
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man
Another Bush joke:
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her
what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with
intelligent people.
He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. I do so by asking them the right
After seeing Farenheit 9/11 I thought that the following was quite
appropriate:
President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of
the 4th grade classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and
their meanings.
The teacher asks the
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the
only woman seated at the bar, he walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and
began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologised and explained, I'm sorry. I thought
OK Smartie,
What's the solution?
Asfan.
On Mon, 11 Oct 2004 Smarter boy Boy wrote :
Hi All,
Heres a mind cudgler for you and all others.
An 'anagram' is a group of letters that form different word(s),
used either in the same or varried sequence. eg,
'together' or 'to get her'.
Heres
Last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was placed in the local
paper.
Only two applicants showed up: a male and a female.
The owner said he could only afford one animal trainer, so he would choose the one
with the best act.
At first glance it appeared that the female
from: The TOI of 12TH OCTOBER,2004.
WOMAN CUTS OFF HUSBANDS PENIS:
South African police are looking for an Indian-origin woman who is alleged to have
slashed off her husbands penis while he was asleep after a domestic row. The woman,
identified as Mrs. Muniappan, is on the run after the
A middle-aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.
On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride
says to her new groom, Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin.
The startled groom asks, How can that be? You've been
For his final project in a statistics class, a student decides to conduct a survey and
to make it interesting he chooses to find out peoples favourite pastimes.
The teacher instructs that a sample of minimum 100 is required, so he sets out to
visit a fairly large apartment building near the
An American touring the Sahara was dressed in a bathing suit...A Bedouin gazed at him
in amazement.
I'm going swimming, the tourist explained.
But the ocean is eight hundred miles away, the Arab informed him.
Eight hundred miles! the American exclaimed with a huge smile... Boy, what a beach!
Drop a pebble in the water; just a splash and it is gone;
But theres half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the centre, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.
Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a
PLAYING THE GAME OF INDOOR GOLF IN A PROPER MANNER
1.Each player shall furnish his own equipment - normally, one club and two balls.
2. The owner of the hole must approve to play on a course.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole and keep the balls
out.
4. For
A golfer whose cart broke down flagged down a passing bus and got aboard.
He sat down on the bus, with his pants pockets full of golf balls, next to a little
old lady.
The little old lady kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her he
This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewellery, etc.,
but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace.
The guy asked: Where did you get that?
His wife replied: I won it at bingo.
The next night she came home with a mink coat. The
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