Hi Vani, Thanks for sharing that intensely personal narrative and the choices you have made in your journey. I think it's incredible to see you arrive at such level-headed mechanisms to deal with what is obviously a complex situation. So first up, pat back! That I would say is the first and the most important step - to acknowledge your role as a difficult one and your own courage in working through the situation with such wisdom. When it gets too much to deal with, it's perhaps best to go back to this step and take a deep breath.
I have been a caregiver for several years, and a combination of everything above that others on this thread have mentioned has helped -- therapy, self-care, reading, empathising and constant self-reflection. But perhaps what has been the most helpful is developing and choosing to rely on an incredible support system of friends and family with whom you can just talk. Someone to make chai, to lend an ear, suggest a good mediclaim policy or take you out to dinner -- all those little things you expect from friends become a lifeline when you are a caregiver. Anything that helps you lessen the load, any helping hand you find of use... I would say seek it and demand it if need be (as long as it is not unreasonable of course). Also, it helps to learn to recognise when it gets too much to process on your own (like you probably did while writing this mail) and reach out, cuz as one of my closest friends once told me, 'if you are the one drowning in the well, how can you think to save others?' That aside, Jerry Pinto has written a couple of fabulous books on the issue. *Em and the Big Hoom* <https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/may/03/em-and-the-big-hoom-jerry-pinto-family-life-bombay> is a work inspired by Jerry's own life, while *A Book of Light* <https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/books/features/Jerry-Pinto-puts-together-A-book-of-Light/articleshow/53537831.cms> is a collection of narratives by caregivers in India, both beautifully and sensitively written and edited. Happy to take this offline and talk further. R Regards, Rashmi Dhanwani On Mon, Jan 15, 2018 at 10:58 AM, Vani Murarka <vani.mura...@gmail.com> wrote: > I have multiple sclerosis. It is a result of trying to meet the ailment > proactively and as responsibly as I can, that I learnt about observing the > energy space in me and others. > > My brother has bipolar. Currently he is in one of his manic phases. His > condition places acute strain on the family. It is all quite terrifying at > times. In all this, I continue to try and observe the energy space, in him, > in me, and in whatever is happening in the family -- in each individual and > as a organism as a whole. > > I feel my only job here is to love. To love each and every person as best > as I can. I feel, that to love a person is to see that person, and to see > is to see beauty. All else is blindness. Of course in all this, the first > thing is to love myself and to see beauty in myself. > > Whenever I am unable to see beauty in a person, to me that is an indication > that I am not seeing correctly, and so I try as best as I can to further > see my thoughts and emotions, trying to understand that person better, > until I can see that same behavior of the person from another perspective > which makes me feel I have a better understanding of where he/she is coming > from. > > In the present configuration, I feel this is the only option available to > me, the only job I can perform and doing so maybe is also in some subtle > manner playing a positive role in the scheme of things. However, yes, it > does get harrowing. It is not just my brother's behavior, but also what > quirks each and every family member brings to the whole thing, my own > quirks and vulnerabilities etc. etc. etc. > > Is there anyone else here whose family member has some mental illness, or > who himself / herself is dealing with the challenge of having some mental > illness? Would you like to share how you deal with it and what you have > learnt so far from being in that experience? > > > > -- > > Vani Murarka > > * vani expressions - blog writings <http://manaskriti.com/vani- > expressions/> > * काव्यालय (Kaavyaalaya: House of Hindi Poetry) <http://kaavyaalaya.org> > * गीत गतिरूप - कवि का अनोखा साथी <http://manaskriti.com/geet-gatiroop> >
