I am sooooooooooooo scared!
I AM VENTING. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE I CAN SHARE THE FOLLOWING WITH:
Just a few weeks ago, it became obvious that I am getting gradually worse
every day. I felt vulnerable using the cane and started using the walker.
Following are the latest symptoms:
The throbbing, weird, feelings in my legs gradually moved up to my buttocks.
Last night, and since then, they reached my crotch...
The fatigue is worse than ever. Just reaching in the frig. for water,
yogurt, fixing piece of toast or a little salad, cleaning up a few dishes is a
challenge (more so every day). I have to sit down to brush my teeth. I can't
get dressed without leaning against the bed or sitting down.
Standing even holding on to something is difficult.
I feel so lightheaded.
I don't sleep well and hate starting on sleeping pills.
Feb. 13, I lost my appetite and feel slightly nauseated a lot of the time.
My scalp and ears are burning and itching more than ever.
Sometimes, I think I'm even too tired to be depressed if that makes sense.
The sypmtoms that some of you describe seem to come up overnight. With me,
it's always gradually, but consistently.
I must be honest and say that I don't trust the doctors. The last time I saw
the neurologist, she said that we could try the IVIG treatments which didn't do
a thing for me. But I sense when I talk to her (even though I think she cares)
that there is nothing that can be done for T.M. Today, I'm afraid to get in
the tub to wash up and wash my hair even though I do it sitting on a chair.
Something is going on with my biological thermostat. I can be freezing and
after a while, I'm so hot, I have to turn the heater off.
I do the exercises from therapy on my own. They wear me out but I do them
anyway because I don't want to atrophy.
I saw the rhum. on the Feb. 12 shortly after all this started. She made me
stand on tippy toes, and made me do something else holding on to a table,
checked my arm strenght, took notes as she said that I was doing much better .
She didn't seem curious about my walking in with a walker for the first time
since I've seeing her for the past 10 years. It's as if what I was telling her
didn't register. She thinks Neurontin has something to do with this and
advised me to stop taking it and see the neurologist. I called her the next
day to request that she orders an MRI which I have scheduled for tomorrow. The
neur. appointment is on March 14.
If it weren't for my daughter who lives next door, I think I'd soon have to
hire someone to stay with me, or live in a nursing home.
I hate waking up in the morning.
I made arrangements for my funeral last week.
My will is current
I'm organizing all the papers and notes my daughter will need when I die.
Soon I hope.
I hate this life!
