Besides what I wrote earlier, Nikki, that many "old friends" just drop
away because your condition makes them too aware of the instability of
human health and affairs, I would add the following advice, learned from
personal experience.
When anyone asks you, "How are you doing?", or, "How are you now?",
believe me, don't tell them! They don't really want to know, unless they
have shown they really care. But most of the time, this question is
dragged out of them by duty, and they are counting the seconds until they
can get out of there.
So, what I have learned to do with this question is to just say, "Fine,
thanks. How are you? How is your family?" Such an answer is so reassuring
and refreshing and unexpected, they will be sure to come around or call
you more often, as long as they know they will not have to really be
concerned with your condition (!!!). I make sure not to talk about myself
at all and turn the conversation towards "safe" subjects, such as the
weather, news, or some other such that we used to regard as important
stuff until our own lives were so dramatically interrupted.
And even those who do really care, let's take it easy on them, and not
always answer their inquiries of our condition with a long, itemized and
detailed list of our ills. Use groups like this one for that purpose, so
they will not become burned out!
I try to always look clean and shaved and well dressed, with all smells
banished, for a few hours anyway, so people feel comfortable around me. I
try to smile and talk about things that interest others and not about
myself. This serves two purposes: First, it develops my inner will to try
rise above m condition, so I might feel I have some power left, that I
don't quit and give in to it by allowing myself to become run down and
despondent. And second, it serves to assure that these visitors might
actually want to visit me again. After all, how many of their friends
show real interest in them?--and especially coming from someone clearly
worse off than themselves. I also owe it to my close-ones and care-givers
to do all I can to ease their burden by being as pleasant and helpful as
life now allows.
Begin to develop an inner life now, Nikki. This is the one that sustains
under all conditions and survives even physical death. The key is
learning to expect nothing from others or from fate, and developing what
is left us--our brains and insight, and whatever our unique position has
taught us about which others may want to learn. We remain useful and still
a functioning member of society. If we can shift our thinking to realize
that the purpose of this life is to develop the inner life--that the body
is the womb of the soul--then we gain a true psychological advantage over
our troubles, and even welcome them on some abstract level as tools to our
development, and what can set us free.
"The world is but a show, a mere nothing, bearing the semblance of
reality. Set not your affections upon it. Break not the bond that unites
you with your Beloved and be not of them who have erred and strayed from
His ways. Verily, I say, the world is like the vapor in the desert, which
the thirsty dreameth to be water and striveth after it with all his heart,
until when he cometh upon it, e findeth it to be mere illusion. It may
moreover be likened to the lifeless image of the beloved whom the lover
hath found, after long search and to his utmost regret, to be such as
cannot 'fatten nor appease' his hunger."
I don't know anyone who lives in perpetual consciousness of this reality,
Nikki, but the struggle to do it is what matters.
And don't think about all those who have abandoned you at the time of your
greatest need. Pray for them, because they "don't get it," and will all
eventually become helpless themselves, unprepared for it, smelly and
humiliated, seen after by strangers paid minimum wage, under whose care
their few remaining treasured mementos they have managed to cling to
through the decades somehow disappear. That is their inevitable fate;
something similar just came to us much earlier while we still have time
and opportunity to learn from it and rise above it.
I love these Words, Nikki, and try to remember to say them before going to
sleep: "O My Servants! Sorrow not if in these days and on this earthly
plane things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by
God. For days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in
store for you. Worlds holy and spiritually glorious will be unveiled to
your eyes. You are destined by God, in this world and hereafter, to
partake of their joys, to share in their benefits, and to obtain a portion
of their sustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will, no
doubt, attain."
Dalton Garis
Flushing, NY 11354
(718) 838-0437
On 7/6/13 2:34 AM, "I.WHIDDETT" <i.whidd...@sky.com> wrote:
Hi Nikki
Yes, TM definitely sorts your true friends from the duds. I have a
treasured few that I still see and hear from on a regular basis. I
expect we all have tales to tell of disillusionment - my one that still
hurts is the so-called friend that I spent a lot of time with, holidays,
etc., who I realised was checking in with me every now and then to update
herself on the intimate details to pass on to anyone who would listen.
I would have preferred for the postman not to know of my bathroom
problems!
Far more importantly, I now have a small group of friends and family that
I love and trust and that will do for me.
Take care
Iris
Sent from my iPad
On 5 Jul 2013, at 22:19, Nikki Macleod <nmacleo...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
Hi everyone, just thought I'd bring this subject up - sorry if it's a
bit typical.
I brought this up because I don't know about anyone else, but I've
certainly found out who my real friends are. The friends that are there
for you no matter what - whether you can walk or not, whether your in a
wheelchair, need help with toileting needs, feed you, provide
encouragement and be there as a shoulder to cry on when you need it.
That's what friends are supposed to be; there through thick and thin
through both the good and bad times.
Unfortunately most of my friends didn't see it that way and I lost most
of my friends but at least I know the friends I do have are TRUE friends
because people just tend to see the wheelchair but, its still the same
person inside. Good job I have a fantastic fiancé who I met when I was
16 years old (I am 26 now) and has been with me before and after the TM
struck (Feb 2011). I also have a great family and GP who are my support
network.
I was just wondering if anyone else found they lost so called friends
because of TM?
Nikki
Durham, UK.
Sent from my iPad
