DP,

Sorry you're having so much discomfort.  As far as I know no one here is really 
qualified to help you.  I can only suggest you continue to work with your 
doctors to try to get this under control.

As far as the 'fear of death' and 'living in the moment', I'm sure that would 
help you.  The fear of [fill-in-the-blank] is always an anticipation.  
Anticipation is 'living in the future', or at least imagining what the future 
will be like.  If whatever you're imagining is bad, then you feel bad RIGHT 
NOW.  Also, if what you are imagining is good, then you feel good RIGHT NOW.  
But in both these cases the RIGHT NOW you're experiencing is based on an 
anticipation - an illusion.

Ask you doctors if they think meditation would help you relax and not think so 
much - especially about things that are illusory.  If they do then I highly 
recommend zen meditation (zazen).  Have you tried that yet?

Good luck...Bill!  

--- In [email protected], "D P" <wookielifeday@...> wrote:
>
> Hi, 
> I am sorry hthat I haven't been on here more, but I do need some help right 
> now.
> 
> I just can't get over my fear of death. I know that in some ways it's not 
> really an issue in zen, but it still bothers me. I can't seem to get into the 
> idea of living the moment.
> 
> Does anybody have any advice, koans, or books/essays to read?
>




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