Homosexuality: Questions and Answers
Sue Bohlin
____________________________________
Q. Some people say homosexuality is natural and moral; others say it is
unnatural and immoral. How do we know?
A. Our standard can only be what God says. In Romans 1 we read,
God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural
relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural
relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men
committed
indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for
their perversion (Rom 1:26-27).
So even though homosexual desires feel natural, they are actually unnatural,
because God says they are. He also calls all sexual involvement outside of
marriage immoral. (There are 44 references to fornication--sexual
immorality--in the Bible.) Therefore, any form of homosexual activity, whether
a
one-night stand or a long-term monogamous relationship, is by definition
immoral--just as any abuse of heterosexuality outside of marriage is immoral.
Q. Is homosexuality an orientation God intended for some people, or is it a
perversion of normal sexuality?
A. If God had intended homosexuality to be a viable sexual alternative for
some people, He would not have condemned it as an abomination. It is never
mentioned in Scripture in anything but negative terms, and nowhere does the
Bible even hint at approving or giving instruction for homosexual
relationships.
Some theologians have argued that David and Jonathan's relationship was a
homosexual one, but this claim has no basis in Scripture. David and Jonathan's
deep friendship was not sexual; it was one of godly emotional intimacy that
truly glorified the Lord.
Homosexuality is a manifestation of the sin nature that all people share. At
the fall of man (Gen 3), God's perfect creation was spoiled, and the taint of
sin affected us physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually--and
sexually. Homosexuality is a perversion of heterosexuality, which is God's plan
for His creation. The Lord Jesus said,
In the beginning the Creator made them male and female. For this reason, a
man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two
will become one flesh (Matt 19:4, 5).
Homosexual activity and pre-marital or extra-marital heterosexual activity
are all sinful attempts to find sexual and emotional expression in ways God
never intended. God's desire for the person caught in the trap of homosexuality
is the same as for every other person caught in the trap of the sin nature;
that we submit every area of our lives to Him and be transformed from the
inside out by the renewing of our minds and the purifying of our hearts.
Q. What causes a homosexual orientation?
A. This is a complex issue, and it is unfair to give simplistic answers or
explanations. Some people start out as heterosexuals, but they rebel against
God with such passionate self-indulgence that they end up embracing the gay
lifestyle as another form of sexual expression. As one entertainer put it, "I'm
not going to go through life with one arm tied behind my back!"
But the majority of gays sense they are "different" from very early in life,
and at some point they are encouraged to identify this difference as being
gay. These people may be the victims of "pre-conditions" that dispose them
toward homosexuality. One such pre-condition may be a genetic predisposition
for
homosexuality. There is a huge difference, however, between a genetic
predisposition that affects gender identity, and the choices we make in how we
handle a predisposition. Although their work is far from conclusive,
researchers
such as Simon LeVay, Michael Bailey, and Richard Pillard have argued that
homosexual tendencies may be indicated even before birth. But they will not go
so far as to say that homosexual behavior is determined. Another pre-condition
for some people is the presence of childhood or adolescent abuse, either
emotional or sexual. It is very difficult to find a homosexual who did not
experience the trauma of intense rejection, the horror of being molested, or
the
shock of an early sexual experience.
Q. Wouldn't the presence of pre-conditions let homosexuals "off the hook," so
to speak?
A. Preconditions make it easier to sin in a particular area. They do not
excuse the sin. We can draw a parallel with alcoholism. Alcoholics often
experience a genetic or environmental pre-condition, which makes it easier for
them
to fall into the sin of drunkenness. Is it a sin to want a drink? No. It's a
sin to drink to excess.
All of us experience various predispositions that make it easier for us to
fall into certain sins. For example, highly intelligent people find it easier
to fall into the sin of intellectual pride. People who were physically abused
as children may fall into the sins of rage and violence more easily than
others.
Current popular thinking says that our behavior is determined by our
environment or our genes, or both. But the Bible gives us the dignity and
responsibility missing from that mechanistic view of life. God has invested us
with
free will--the ability to make real, significant choices. We can choose our
responses to the influences on our lives, or we can choose to let them control
us.
If there is either a genetic or environmental predisposition for
homosexuality, a person with this condition will fall into the sin of the gay
lifestyle
much more easily than a person without it will. But each of us alone is
responsible for giving ourselves permission to cross over from temptation into
sin.
Q. What's the difference between homosexual temptation and sin?
A. Unasked-for, uncultivated sexual desires for a person of the same sex
constitute temptation, not sin. Since the Lord Jesus was "tempted in every way,
just as we are," He fully knows the intensity and nature of the temptations we
face. But He never gave in to them.
The line between sexual temptation and sexual sin is the same for both
heterosexuals and homosexuals. It is the point at which our conscious will gets
involved. Sin begins with the internal acts of lusting and creating sexual
fantasies. Lust is indulging your sexual desires by deliberately choosing to
feed
sexual attraction--you might say it is the sinful opposite of meditation.
Sexual fantasies are conscious acts of the imagination. It is creating mental
pornographic home movies. Just as the Lord said in the Sermon on the Mount, all
sexual sin starts in the mind long before it gets to the point of physical
expression.
Many homosexuals claim, "I never asked for these feelings. I did not choose
them," and this may be true. That is why it is significant to note that the
Bible specifically condemns homosexual practices, but not undeveloped
homosexual feelings (temptation). There is a difference between having sexual
feelings and letting them grow into lust. When Martin Luther was talking about
impure thoughts, he said, "You can't stop the birds from flying over your head,
but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair."
Q. Isn't it true that "Once gay, always gay?"
A. It is certainly true that most homosexuals never become heterosexual--some
because they don't want to, but most others because their efforts to change
were unsuccessful. It takes spiritual submission and emotional work to repent
of sexual sin and to seek a healthy self-concept that glorifies God.
But for the person caught in the trap of homosexual desires who wants sexual
and emotional wholeness, there is hope in Christ. In addressing the church at
Corinth, the Apostle Paul lists an assortment of deep sins, including
homosexual offenses. He says,
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified,
you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor 6:11).
The Lord's loving redemption includes eventual freedom for all sin that is
yielded to Him. Some people experience no homosexual temptations ever again.
But for most others who are able to achieve change, homosexual desires are
gradually reduced from a major problem to a minor nuisance that no longer
dominates their lives. The probability of heterosexual desires returning or
emerging depends on a person's sexual history.
But the potential for heterosexuality is present in everyone because God put
it there.
Q. If homosexuality is such an abomination to God, why doesn't it disappear
when someone becomes a Christian?
A. When we are born again, we bring with us all of our emotional needs and
all of our old ways of relating. Homosexuality is a relational problem of
meeting emotional needs the wrong way; it is not an isolated problem of mere
sexual preference. With the power of the indwelling Spirit, a Christian can
cooperate with God to change this unacceptable part of life. Some people--a
very
few--are miraculously delivered from homosexual struggles. But for the
majority, real change is slow. As in dealing with any besetting sin, it is a
process,
not an event. Sin's power over us is broken at the moment we are born again,
but learning to depend on the Holy Spirit to say no to sin and yes to
godliness takes time. 2 Cor. 3:18 says, "We...are being transformed into His
likeness from glory to glory." Transformation (this side of eternity!) is a
process
that takes a while. Life in a fallen world is a painful struggle. It is not
a pleasant thing to have two oppositional natures at war within us!
Homosexuality is not one problem; it is symptomatic of other, deeper problems
involving emotional needs and an unhealthy self-concept. Salvation is only
the beginning of emotional health. It allows us to experience human intimacy
as God intended us to, finding healing for our damaged emotions. It isn't that
faith in Christ isn't enough; faith in Christ is the beginning.
Q. Does the fact that I had an early homosexual experience mean I'm gay?
A. Sex is strictly meant for adults. The Song of Solomon says three times,
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." This is a warning not to
raise sexual feelings until the time is right. Early sexual experience can be
painful or pleasurable, but either way, it constitutes child abuse. It
traumatizes a child. This loss of innocence does need to be addressed and
perhaps
even grieved through, but doesn't mean you're gay.
Even apart from the sexual aspect, though, our culture has come to view close
friendships with a certain amount of suspicion. If you enjoy emotional
intimacy with a friend of the same sex, especially if it is accompanied by the
presence of sexual feelings that emerge in adolescence, you can find yourself
very confused. But it doesn't mean you're gay.
Sometimes young people engage in sexual experimentation, including homosexual
encounters. It is a tragic myth that once a person has a homosexual
experience, or even thinks about one, that he or she is gay for life.
Q. Are homosexuals condemned to hell?
A. Homosexuality is not a "heaven or hell" issue. The only determining
factor is whether a person has been reconciled to God through Jesus Christ.
In 1 Cor. 6, Paul says that homosexual offenders and a whole list of other
sinners will not inherit the kingdom of God. But then he reminds the
Corinthians that they have been washed, sanctified, and justified in Jesus'
name. Paul
makes a distinction between unchristian behavior and Christian behavior. He's
saying, "You're not pagans anymore, you are a holy people belonging to King
Jesus. Now act like it!"
If homosexuality doesn't send anyone to hell, then can the believer indulge
in homosexual behavior, safe in his or her eternal security? As Paul said,
"May it never be!" If someone is truly a child of God, he or she cannot
continue
sinful behavior that offends and grieves the Father without suffering the
consequences. God disciplines those He loves.
Q. How do I respond when someone in my life tells me he or she is gay?
A. Take your cue from the Lord Jesus. He didn't avoid sinners; He ministered
grace and compassion to them--without ever compromising His commitment to
holiness. Start by cultivating a humble heart, especially concerning the
temptation to react with judgmental condescension. As Billy Graham said, "Never
take credit for not falling into a temptation that never tempted you in the
first place."
Seek to understand your gay friends' feelings. Are they comfortable with
their gayness, or bewildered and resentful of it? Understanding people doesn't
mean that you have to agree with them¾but it is the best way to minister grace
and love in a difficult time. Accept the fact that, to this person, these
feelings are normal. You can't change their minds or their feelings. Too
often,
parents will send their gay child to a counselor and say, "Fix him." It just
doesn't work that way.
As a Christian, you are a light shining in a dark place. Be a friend with a
tender heart and a winsome spirit; the biggest problem of homosexuals is not
their sexuality, but their need for Jesus Christ. At the same time, pre-decide
what your boundaries will be about what behavior you just cannot condone in
your presence. One college student I know excuses herself from a group when
the affection becomes physical; she just gets up and leaves. It is all right
to be uncomfortable around blatant sin; you do not have to subject
yourself--and the Holy Spirit within you--to what grieves Him. Consider how
you would be
a friend to people who are living promiscuous heterosexual lives. Like the
Lord, we need to value and esteem the person without condoning the sin.
For further reading:
* Bergner, Mario. Setting Love in Order: Hope and Healing for the
Homosexual. Baker, 1995.
* Dallas, Joe. Desires in Conflict. Eugene, Ore.: Harvest House, 1991.
(Particularly good!)
* Konrad, Jeff. You Don't Have to Be Gay. Pacific Publishing, 1987. (I
can't recommend this one highly enough.)
* Satinover, Jeffrey. Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth. Baker,
1996.
* Schmidt, Thomas E. Straight & Narrow? : Compassion & Clarity in the
Homosexuality Debate. Intervarsity Press, 1995.
* Wolfe, Christopher, editor, Homosexuality and American Public Life.
Spence Publishing, 1999.
* Worthen, Anita and Bob Davies. Someone I Love is Gay: How Family and
Friends Can Respond. Intervarsity Press, 1996.
There is also a "Gay Change Webring" on the internet. My favorite "jump in"
site is Living Hope Ministries, an outreach in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Of
particular interest are the online testimonies and especially an excellent
message board for strugglers, overcomers and those who seek to encourage and
uplift. _www.livehope.org_ (http://www.livehope.org/)
Another tremendously encouraging site is "Stonewall Revisited," with a huge
number of testimonies of overcomers and families of strugglers.
_stonewallrevisited.com_ (http://www.stonewallrevisited.com/)
© 1992 Probe Ministries International
____________________________________
About the Author
_Sue Bohlin_ (http://www.leaderu.com/docs/polio.html) is an associate
speaker with Probe Ministries. She attended the University of Illinois, and has
been a Bible teacher and conference speaker for over 25 years. She serves as a
Mentoring Mom for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), and on the board of Living
Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those wanting to leave
homosexuality. She is also a professional calligrapher and the webservant for
Probe
Ministries; but most importantly, she is the wife of Dr. Ray Bohlin and the
mother of their two college-age sons. She can be reached via e-mail at
[EMAIL PROTECTED] (mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]) .
____________________________________
What is Probe?
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