Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Hi.
[[wow]], Well I have the same as you have.
I did post a ranty on this just now but never submitted it so I could post it without all the extra rambling.
Thing is what you have is quite normal for anyone with any dissability mental, or physical.
I spend time talking to myself fiddling with sounds imagining things and at night to.
But I go blank when going to put those to the processer.
I have an idea that after living a life of sorts I will end up in some place full of helpless people like me and that because I am blind thats all I will eventually be.
This is probably fear of the unknown a thing one such as myself probably has more reason to think about having more time than able boddied indeviduals.
Relationship wise, I do worry about my contribution.
Its all equal now but it used to be that the woman cared for the children and cooked and looked pritty.
The man did all the building, work and handy stuff.
Its something I ha
ve largely accepted I will not be able to do.
However I don't want to berdon anyone as such and I fear that.
In times when the weather is bad or late at night I wander what the point is and if I killed myself now would anyone give a damn.
This lasts the night or till the weather passes but it doesn't stay, and is probably again my fear of the future.
Another one is that after hearing news about certain island peoples in the country, some of which are unsavery and in a certain reagon of the city, I hear so much that I wander if someone will come in the dead of night and do me in or something.
But thats probably because I wake up in the middle of the night and again is unknown fear rather than actual problems.
For now I live at home so I don't have to handle a lot of things but later on that may change.
I do wander a lot and this may be your issue to.
Especially when people are away I am trying to think if I have locked ever
ything or turned things off before going to bed especially when quiet.
This never happens in the day when its light.
On the other hand, I have had grand parents in the family die.
As soon as they stop speaking for ever I feel sad.
I remember the old times but never the end.
One lot died on christmas day, every christmas my grandpa says he does not enjoy it anymore and others say that we should feel sad because others have died.
For me though its almost like the part of them going is gone, they are gone, well so what, they don't exist, so they don't mean anything to me anymore if they even did.
I remember memmories of when I was yung sure, but they may as well have been something I read from a book.
With nothing to interact with its just a story now I am sure its got to do with seeing whatever it is as well as hearing it and probably has to do with why I can't complete such things as essays.
I probably could get it fix
ed but I don't know if it matters much.
So lord lundon you are not alone in your fears.
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