Re: Monthly chat March 2016
Yeah about the job thing, I just feel like a leach on the world for not having one, because I really don't contribute anything useful besides. I'm not a creative writer, have never bothered to learn much programming, or anything else really. I was raised conservative and even though I don't have the beliefs of my parents, I guess the "you don't work, you don't eat" philosophy is just a little too ingrained in my head, and the shame of not doing anything is too much. Plus I intensely hate apathy so kind of have to be doing something, even if it's only two college classes. And speaking of college I didn't get that paper done, so I'm all but done, just have to wait for it to be official. So in addition to everything else I've now set my agency back a little over $2000.
Unfortunately, MR. Generic Joe Average seems to be the societal ideal for a lot of people, and while he may not think much, he's at least blissfully happ
y or just numb; I'm neither. The fact is society just doesn't like quiet, introspective people who don't have much ambition and don't do things the normal way. I wonder if my so-called intelligence, which has only resulted in me seeing the world for how it truly is, is some form of natural selection, I.E. I have two physical defects which are evolutionarily undesirable and cause me to be slower at almost everything, so if I just naturally come to the conclusion that it isn't worth it there's infinitesimally less resource drain in the world. My world has pretty much become my music, and I only feel truly happy when taking in the amazing beauty of some piece.
I'm really happy that you've found someone, and I understand that there's a slight possibility it could happen to me, but it's not likely. I attended a university class this summer and it was literally the best month of my life as I had friends I could do things with and so o
n, but since then I haven't talked to many of them. Everyone said it would get better in college when I was in high school, and look where I am now! I'm tired of distracting myself hoping something will change, either randomly or by my own doing, for the better. Books, music, audio dramas and the occasional conversations with friends just aren't enough anymore, so yeah, I guess I've basically given up.
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