Ticia wrote:
Monogamous, bi, married, expecting first baby in June...
How can someone be monogamous _and_ bi? Bi implies that you have at least two partners! :-)
Alberto Monteiro the nitpicker
No it doesn't. It means you are attracted to and *could* form relationships with people of both sexes. It doesn't say anything about what you do or have done in the past.
In my case, I've had crushes on and been in love with people of both sexes, and can find both sexually attractive, but it doesn't mean I've had double the choice in finding a mate or even a casual lover: I was way pickier than most of my friends on that account. My personal theory is that I find roughly the same amount of people sexually attractive and mate material (two different groups which do overlap of course) as others do, but that roughly half are male and half female, whereas in a purely heterosexual woman they'd be 100% male - making her like 50% more men than I do. ;)) But that's just my own little theory to explain my personal pickyness...
I agree with Robert on sexuality being a continuum, going from homo- to
heterosexuality but also on the Y-axis from hypersexual to asexual
(sexdrives can differ widely - there are highly sexual people out there but also those who are totally uninterested in sex and never feel sexual attraction to anyone or anything in their entire lives). And then there's the possible Z-axis of monoamory vs polyamory, not really the ability to love or date more than one person at the same time (which we probably all can) but mainly the amount of jealousy someone feels about sharing their sexual and/or love partners with others (e.g. a polygamously living man may be fine with juggling 3 girlfriends but go ballistic when he finds out one of them is seeing someone else on the side).
All can be considered 'nature', inborn predispositions which are of course influenced by the 'nurture' aspects of a developing lifespan: culture, experience and education (as in information).
And we haven't even touched on the love vs sex issue, whether someone is
serious mate material vs very sexually attractive to you but not necessarily mate potential. And whether you are interested in ever having one or the other in your life, i.e. whether you are looking for love or just sex. Or whether you prefer to live monogamously or polygamously and how truthful/ open you are about that (fidelity). Or on sexual imprinting, which can cause (or facilitate an inborn predisposition in) someone to develop 'abnormal' sexual and/or emotional fetishes, going from the simply unusual to the weird to the (self- or other-)destructive behavior...
Finally, there's the dimension of being highly sexually active vs celibate, not to be confused with sexdrive. Acting upon a thought or inclination is a matter of selfcontrol on the one hand (otherwise we wouldn't be able to blame and punish most criminals out there) and personal ability coupled with opportunity on the other: you do need to be able to flirt or cajole or barter to get yourself a partner, and you do need to be in a position (social and/or geographical) to be able and allowed to locate and pursue a potential partner in the first place. Life is all about opportunities and being prepared to seize them, but also about taking responsability for whatever consequences that may arise from the seizing. IMHO
Ticia ',:) ---------- Psych Study Refresher Maru
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