That was what I was seeking from you Ravi, an authentic post. I really appreciate it.
I am sort of the opposite of a spiritual guy in the sense that spiritual people talk about seeing the infinite, the universal and the God in others and that connects them. I am seeking a human connection, a place where I can say, "I am like you, I understand where you are coming from. I can be like that sometimes." The more a person seems to be impossible to relate to, to see myself in, the sweeter the reward if I can connect on a human level. In my calling you on condescending to me, I was also taking higher ground on you. I was saying that you are an oddball and unlike me who is so firmly connected to non-oddballness. (An absurd notion to anyone who knows me well!) So I can only point my finger at you so long before noticing the three pointing back at myself. I don't believe you have my heart intellect balance right. Like you I can only filter myself into this medium. And I do accept that a lot of what goes on here is not a full representation of you. I appreciate your taking the time to fill that out a bit. So although I may run a more conservative number on people than you do, and I view myself as non-enlightened or God realized, I see some of myself in you. And I really didn't want to at first. I wanted just to write you off as another person who couldn't connect on any level with me without me treating you as if you were your beloved's favorite whatever. But I was wrong. You came through. --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "Ravi Yogi" <raviyogi@...> wrote: > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "curtisdeltablues" > <curtisdeltablues@> wrote: > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "Ravi Yogi" raviyogi@ wrote: > > > > > > > > > Yes I'm sincere in my love to my beloved and I do love to share > that. It > > > might come across as special state of mind, condescending, > derogatory, > > > awareness of other's state of mind, front'n, running numbers on > > > strangers, subjective, vague but I can't help it. You are spot on > that > > > the only way I can express it is through metaphors designed for > shock > > > effect and so guilty as charged. > > > > > > Mostly it just comes off as unconvincing and odd. > > > Yes that is true. > > > > But I am not looking for any > > > relationship with you or anyone else, like I said I am not looking > for a> threesome. So you are absolutely spot on everything except for > the> threesome part.> > > > > > > That's cool. It was worth a shot. But I disagree that you don't want > a relationship with me on FFL, you bring up my name in a derogatory way > repeatedly. What you mean is that you don't seek a pleasant, respectful > relationship with me here and prefer to condescend and insult from on > high. In my experience there is often no "there" there with pugnacious > people. But I my be wrong about you. > > > Well in my personal life I mock myself in attempt to share my joy - I > was at the ashram yesterday feeling high, went to the dishwashing area, > loudly welcoming everyone I knew, remarked that I should come sober to > the ashram and Amma should be hiding her divine vodka from an alcoholic > like me. Amma is visiting in June here and I loudly remarked that how I > don't even need to see her but she would miss me if I didn't. So I > attract lot of attention from the people around me. I have another > friend who likes me but she thinks I'm odd and crazy at times and so I > will remark loudly to her and the people around that I'm bipolar, > paranoid schizophrenic and I'm very manic now. Its a very similar > behavior at work but in a much restrained fashion - alternating > seriousness and playful fun. With two of my close Indian colleagues I'm > much more uninhibited, they are much younger with no emotional baggage > and thoroughly enjoy my antics. > And then FFL is the only I indulge in this kind of behavior because I > think it presents lot of people caught in their head. And the medium > makes it easy to as you say "run a number on strangers". I have no other > justification for my rude behavior other than the metaphor of insulting > my beloved that was presented here, I can only assure that none is > coming your way from now on and hope for your love and forgiveness.My > behavior one-on-one is completely different than my online persona. > > > > > > You and others might think you are not insulting my beloved but I > > > believe you are and I have to act accordingly to protect her. We can > > > agree to disagree. > > > > > > > > I believe you have such weak intellectual boundaries that you actually > aren't able to "agree to disagree". You go on the attack on anyone who > doesn't buy into your superior status. I can't imagine that that is > working out for you very well. It certainly doesn't work with me. > > > You are right, I just threw out the agree to disagree phrase more > sarcastically, I place zero value on intellectual discussions that don't > go anywhere. Incredible as it may sound this kind of behavior doesn't > bother me at all. I intentionally indulge and revel in it, I have been > involved in chat lists since late 90's, in the past I would get very > disturbed, angry and agitated at people who I thought didn't understand > the need to go beyond the words to get the truth. I would react very > belligerently but would feel very guilty. After my experiences I realize > that habits are not the issue, its the consciousness I bring to it. So > now I continue with a detached playfulness. > > As I said, it was worth a shot. And I can't discount that my approach > might have been fraught with too many judgments to make it a realistic > expectation. In other words the breakdown in communication is not all > on you brother. I'll tend to my garden and see what I can learn from > this. > > > > In the meantime I hope to read your exchanges with Jim whom you seem > to regard as on your level. He may be a better man for this job. > > > > > Its' not I consider anyone as equal or unequal I just think Jim > intuitively gets it. Steve is another I think that gets it - anyone who > is heart and gut centered will usually go beyond the words. > > > > > > > > > >
