This was a splendid post Ravi (in response to Curtis). It reminds me of something I read some days ago about the 1970s est training concocted by Werner Erhard. It was the est mission statement which was 'The purpose of est is to transform one's ability to experience living so that the situations one had been trying to change or had been putting up with, clear up just in the process of life itself.'
That is actually not saying anything except there is a change of perspective about the nature of life. Life remains the same as it always has been. As the experience settles in, maybe things will smooth out a bit as it becomes more familiar to experience life this way, with this perspective; the main thing is not trying to suppress the experiences you have, suppressing is the thing that would keep experiences of roughness in a holding pattern. You may be in a really good state because at some point the ability to suppress experiences about the past get fatally crippled, and it just starts to come out. > I have to come to the realization that I have created the Universe, the > love, the hate, the day, the night, the misery, the bliss. I can't > recall how exactly I created it. I admire all the interesting characters > I created - Ravi, Curtis, Jim, Rory, Rick, Judy, Barry, Steve etc. > However the problem is I also became a part of it as well. Now I'm stuck > in it, with no way to get out. However I also know it's my creation and > it will end one day but don't know when exactly. > I admire my creation and become totally get blissed out at the beauty > and marvel of it. I also get filled with intense grief at the pain and > suffering that I created, I would love to get rid of all of it but I > feel totally lost on how to. I just go into intense sadness and imagine > I'm sucking the entire negativity and converting into positivity. Yet I > spend the day in playful, detached indulgence while playing my part, > because I know very well it's all my creation. People around me enjoy > the carefree, playful humor, they also like my seriousness at my work, I > try my best to help others around me. I also display other emotions such > as anger, albeit rarely. > I do my best at playing my part. I laugh at the ridiculousness of all of > it. No wonder my Guru laughed when I asked her if she was my Guru, she > found it funny that I created ignorance, then created her as my Guru to > get out of it and then had the stupidity to ask my own creation if she > was my Guru. I just went to the airport to pick up a friend. A cop of my > creation yelled at me to get out of the way and I profusely apologized > and moved out the way, all the while laughing at my predicament. > The marvel, the joy, the pain, the intense anguish, my playful > indulgence continues and repeats every day. > I'm very proud of my creation and totally in love with it, yet very > humble because of my inability to really do anything about it. Yet I > know it will surely end and I indulge in it in a playful, detached way. > No wonder I get branded with various labels such as bipolar, paranoid > schizophrenic, manic, grandiose, equal opportunity racist, narcissistic > enlightened asshole. > Guilty as charged, all I can do is beg for your forgiveness at creating > this Universe. > Your persistence at a solution is admirable, but I don't believe the > problem has any solution. I just playfully indulge with bouts of intense > bliss and pain, waiting for my creation and the problem to end. >
