--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Share Long <sharelong60@...> wrote: > > To: Laughing One Jelly Bean > Dear Mr. Bean, or may I call you Jelly? I am writing at the behest of my > client Share F. Long to whose attention has come your illustrious writing. > She especially liked the points you made to Doc this morning. Anyway, she > has warned me that if I don't get off my tukas, which unfortunately I do have > to sit on in order to write at my computer ha ha. Anyway, Missy Share has > urged me to contact you saying that if I don't, some other agent will scoop > you up, well, just like a scooper full of jelly beans! And many of these > agents are not as attuned to their clients every need and wish as I am. > Just ask my mother. > > So here I am offering to be your agent as you navigate the slippery and > treacherous byways and bylines of Hollywood, not to mention FFL. > Perhaps we could meet for lunch and I promise you I'm not the foodie that > Miss Share F is so we can go anywhere you'd like. My treat! > > One last slightly delicate issue: I realize that coming from a Border State > as I do, I really can't appreciate the depth of loyalty in a True Southerner > such as yourself. However I am hoping you won't hold that accident of birth > agin me and find it in your heart to consider my request to be your hard > working and ever proud yet humble agent. > Sincerely wishing you all the best, > > Wilbur Farnsworpy Tigglewud III > > > PS Once you become my adored client, if you ever give me monogrammed mugs > or ties or pet rocks, please refrain from using the traditional form of > monogramming wherein the initial of the last name is placed in the middle. > Someday when we have become much closer, I will share with you the tragic > events that render me so vulnerable in this area of life. Sniff sniff... >
Wilbur, you old scoundrel you! Long time, no hear! My ma was your pa's pen pal throughout our younger years. She saved every last letter he wrote her and tied pretty ribbons around them, and hid 'em in her cedar chest at the foot of her and my pa's bed or so she thought. Anyway, she told me she met your pa when her 11th grade class went on an early spring field trip to our nation's capital at the exact same time that your pa's senior class was there, and they stayed at the very same hotel. Well, she never did finish high school because she had me less than a year later I'm a Christmas baby. Don't you remember when you and your pa came to visit the farm here in Carolina and stayed almost a whole week! I was seven and you were five and we had such fun milkin' the cows and sloppin' the hogs with grandpa. Remember when we jumped out of the hayloft and you got your foot caught in the boards? You fell plumb smack on your back and knocked the breath clean out ya'. Ma whooped both of us real good with that willow branch for scaring the daylights outta her, then felt bad, so had grandpa churn us a gallon of homemade peach ice cream and we ate about a quart each and had stomach aches afterwards. Anyway, a few years later, ma married my pa and the letters from your pa quit coming, and we lost touch with each other. Who'd have thought that we'd both end up involved in some way with TM you do meditate, don't you Wilbur? Silly me, but of course you do, you're Share's agent, aren't you??? I'm excited about reconnecting as, of course, I'd be pleased as punch to have you as my agent. I'll have my people's people line something up with your people to work out all the technical details of the contract. My current team has just finalized a movie deal with Spielberg's outfit Dreamworks (do you think you can handle that?) and we're in the middle of casting. So far, we have Steve Carell lined up as seeker Steve, and Alan Rickman is seriously considering the part of seeker Xeno. Since finishing up the Harry Potter series, Rickman is sort of strapped for cash so I think we'll get him. Oh, and Alicia Keyes is onboard with her version of "Songbird" as the movie's love theme. We should have moved more quickly on Jennifer Lawrence as seeker Share but then she had to go and win the Best Actress Oscar so it's highly doubtful that she'll sign with us now a couple of heads rolled for dragging their feet on that one! We might have to settle for Dolly Parton, unless you know someone we could approach who is within our ten mil budget. And who are we going to get to play me? I've been so busy writing the screenplay that I haven't given it another thought. I guess if push comes to shove, I could always play myself. And of course, His Holiness Raviji will want to play himself when He makes a brief cameo to zap seekers Share and Steve with His Holy and Benign Darshan near the end of the movie. Let's move slowly on this as I don't want to unduly alarm Him as He has grown to depend on me as His self-appointed door lackey, and I've grown to depend on the substantial take at the door for the worthless trinkets I sell to His adoring devotees ooopsie, please don't tell Him I said that. Well, Wilbur, you old fart you, my people's people will call your people and we'll draw up the contract. You'll have to convince me that you can handle the both of us before I'll sign anything because I have a feeling that that there Share is a handful and a half! I've heard some of the folks on FFL say that she's completely out of control visiting every Tom, Dick, and Harry offering some new age fangled whatnot and she needs to come out of the clouds and be satisfied with what's she's already got. I could care less but like I said make sure you can handle the both of us. I look forward to seeing you in Hollywood, and of course you're paying for lunch and maybe even dinner, you old son of a gun you. Your brother in spirit down on the farm, Laughing Jelly Bean aka LaughingGull108 aka Laughing Protector of His Holiness Raviji P.S. I know exactly what you mean about that there monogram thingie. I once had some handkerchiefs done that way you know the kind that stick out of the front pocket of your Sunday suit? Anyway, the first time I used one, the secret service of these here United States of America started coming out of the bushes and everywhere else claiming I was a past president or somesuch. I kid you not Wilbur! See you in Hollywood! And no more communications until I see you in Hollwood, I'm just too dang busy with the screenplay and spring plantin' just around the corner to properly respond. I'm sure you understand. [snip]
