What a piece of crappy journalism. Jessica Stillman hasn't got a clue!
From: "fleetwood_macnche...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]"
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Saturday, November 1, 2014 7:40 PM
Subject: [FairfieldLife] 7 Techniques to Handle Toxic People
After Share mentioned Emotional Intelligence, I found this:
http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/7-techniques-to-handle-toxic-people.html
The sad reality is that toxic people are common. Socommon, in fact, that my
Inc.com colleague Lolly Daskal was recently able tocome up with 10 types or
subspecies of this noxious breed. Equally troubling isthe effect those
individuals--who like to push others' buttons, stymieprojects, and inject
pessimism into every situation--can have on theirbetter-adjusted co-workers.
"Recent research from the Department of Biologicaland Clinical Psychology at
Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found thatexposure to stimuli that
cause strong negative emotions--the same kind ofexposure you get when dealing
with toxic people--caused subjects' brains tohave a massive stress response,"
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 author TravisBradberry recently wrote in his
LinkedIn Influencer column. That level of stress, science has shown, can
actuallycause negative physical changes in your brain. You've probably
experiencedfirsthand what that feels like subjectively--in short, it's
terrible! So howcan you stop these toxic people from messing with your mind, as
well as hurtingyour productivity? In his hugely useful post, Bradberry offers
a dozentechniques to take the sting out of your office crazy person or resident
grump.Here are seven of the best. 1. Set limits Combine your niceness with
someone else's love of endlesscomplaint and you have a recipe for a whole lot
of wasted time and unnecessarystress. Don't feel bound to indulge the constant
kvetcher at your company,advises Bradberry."People often feel pressure to
listen to complainersbecause they don't want to be seen as callous or rude, but
there's a fine linebetween lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into
their negativeemotional spiral," he writes. "You can avoid this only by
settinglimits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: If
thecomplainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling
thesecond-hand smoke?" How do you do this in practice? Just ask them how
theyintend to fix whatever it is they're complaining about. That should either
putthe conversation on a more positive track or quiet them down. 2. Choose
your battles "Successful people know how important it is to liveto fight
another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. Inconflict,
unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind ofbattle that
can leave you severely damaged," says Bradberry. "Chooseyour battles wisely and
only stand your ground when the time is right." 3. Keep tabs on your own
emotions The danger of toxic people is that their negativity canbe
catching--even if you're usually not the type to get sucked into
endlesscrankiness and gloom. So keep a sharp eye out for how your annoying
officemateaffects your emotions. "You can't stop someone from pushing your
buttonsif you don't recognize when it's happening," he advises. By keeping
tabs on when someone is riling you up, you canbetter choose calm times to deal
with that person. "Think of it thisway--if a mentally unstable person
approaches you on the street and tells youhe's John F. Kennedy, you're unlikely
to set him straight. When you findyourself with a co-worker who is engaged in
similarly derailed thinking,sometimes it's best to just smile and nod. If
you're going to have tostraighten them out, it's better to give yourself some
time to plan the bestway to go about it," Bradberry offers as an illustration.
4. Defend your joy Making your happiness contingent on the happiness ofpeople
who love to be miserable is a losing game. "When your sense ofpleasure and
satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, youare no longer
the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligentpeople feel good
about something that they've done, they won't let anyone'sopinions or snide
remarks take that away from them," Bradberry insists. So train yourself to
take others' commentary with a grainof salt and let your own feelings about
your accomplishments take the lead. 5. Focus on solutions You can't make your
toxic colleagues any less crazy, sodon't waste your time ruminating on their
many, many faults. That will justdrag you down to their level. Instead try to
focus on positive and practicalmeasures you can take to deal with them. "This
makes you more effective byputting you in control, and it will reduce the
amount of stress you experiencewhen interacting with them," explains Bradberry.
6. Watch physical stressors You already have enough on your plate managing
the toxicpeople in your life. Don't make it more difficult on yourself by
trying to doit when you're exhausted or strung out on 18 cups of coffee. "Your
self-control, attention, and memory are allreduced when you don't get
enough--or the right kind--of sleep. Sleepdeprivation raises stress hormone
levels on its own, even without a stressorpresent," Bradberry reminds readers.
"A good night's sleep makes youmore positive, creative, and proactive in your
approach to toxic people, givingyou the perspective you need to deal
effectively with them." 7. Enlist help Sometimes you're just too close to a
toxic situation toassess it thoughtfully and come up with optimum solutions. In
these situations,an outside perspective can be a lifesaver. Don't attempt to be
a hero andhandle the toxic people in your work life 100 percent on your own.
"Everyone has someone at work and/or outside workwho is on their team, rooting
for them, and ready to help them get the bestfrom a difficult situation.
Identify these individuals in your life and make aneffort to seek their insight
and assistance when you need it," Bradberryurges those overwhelmed by crazy
colleagues.
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