Re: [FairfieldLife] 7 Techniques to Handle Toxic People

[Mike Dixon mdixon.6...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]]

chernobyll...@yahoogroups.com
      From: "'Richard J. Williams' pundits...@gmail.com [FairfieldLife]" 
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
 To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com 
 Sent: Sunday, November 2, 2014 9:54 AM
 Subject: Re: [FairfieldLife] 7 Techniques to Handle Toxic People
   
     On 11/2/2014 7:09 AM, steve.sun...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife] wrote:
  
    Sounds like this hit a little too close to home, huh, Michael?
   
 >
 He doesn't like it when it gets too personal. Go figure.
 >
 
    
 ---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <mdixon.6569@...> wrote :
 
   What a piece of crappy journalism. Jessica Stillman hasn't got a clue!  
      From: "fleetwood_macncheese@... [FairfieldLife]" 
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
 To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com 
 Sent: Saturday, November 1, 2014 7:40 PM
 Subject: [FairfieldLife] 7 Techniques to Handle Toxic People
  
       After Share mentioned Emotional Intelligence, I found this: 
  http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/7-techniques-to-handle-toxic-people.html
  
  The sad reality is that toxic people are common. So common, in fact, that my 
Inc.com colleague Lolly Daskal was recently able to come up with 10 types or 
subspecies of this noxious breed. Equally troubling is the effect those 
individuals--who like to push others' buttons, stymie projects, and inject 
pessimism into  every situation--can have on their better-adjusted co-workers.  
  "Recent research from the Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at 
Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that exposure to stimuli that 
cause strong negative emotions--the same kind of exposure you get when dealing 
with  toxic people--caused subjects' brains to have a massive stress response," 
 Emotional Intelligence 2.0 author Travis Bradberry recently wrote in his 
LinkedIn Influencer column.    That level of stress, science has shown, can 
actually cause negative physical changes in your brain. You've probably 
experienced firsthand what that feels like subjectively--in short, it's 
terrible! So how can you stop these toxic people from messing with your mind, 
as well as hurting your productivity?    In his hugely useful post, Bradberry 
offers a dozen techniques to take the sting out of your office crazy person or 
resident grump. Here are seven of the best.    1. Set limits    Combine your 
niceness with someone else's love of endless complaint and you have a recipe 
for a whole lot of wasted time and unnecessary stress. Don't feel bound to 
indulge the constant kvetcher at your company, advises Bradberry. "People often 
feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don't want to be seen as 
callous or rude, but there's a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and 
getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral," he writes. "You can  
avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think 
of it this way: If  the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all 
afternoon inhaling the  second-hand smoke?" How do you do this in practice? 
Just ask them how they intend to fix whatever it is they're complaining about. 
That should either put the conversation on a more positive track or quiet them 
down.    2. Choose your battles    "Successful people know how important it is 
to live to fight another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. 
In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you  dig your heels in and fight the kind 
of battle that can leave you severely  damaged," says Bradberry. "Choose your 
battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right."    3. Keep 
tabs on your own emotions    The danger of toxic people is that their 
negativity can be catching--even if you're usually not the type to get sucked 
into endless crankiness and gloom. So keep a sharp eye out for how your 
annoying officemate affects your emotions. "You can't stop someone from pushing 
your buttons if you don't recognize when it's  happening," he advises.    By 
keeping tabs on when someone is riling you up, you can better choose calm times 
to deal with that person. "Think of it this way--if a mentally unstable person  
approaches you on the street and tells you he's John F. Kennedy, you're 
unlikely  to set him straight. When you find yourself with a co-worker who is 
engaged in similarly derailed  thinking, sometimes it's best to just smile and 
nod. If you're going to have to  straighten them out, it's better to give 
yourself some time to plan the best  way to go about it," Bradberry offers as 
an illustration.    4. Defend your joy    Making your happiness contingent on 
the happiness of people who love to be miserable is a losing game. "When your 
sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived  from the opinions of other 
people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally  
intelligent people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let 
anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them," Bradberry 
insists.    So train yourself to take others' commentary with a grain of salt 
and let your own feelings about your accomplishments take the lead.    5. Focus 
on solutions    You can't make your toxic colleagues any less crazy, so don't 
waste your time ruminating on their many, many faults. That will just drag you 
down to their level. Instead try to focus on positive and practical measures 
you can take to deal with  them. "This makes you more effective by putting you 
in control, and it will  reduce the amount of stress you experience when 
interacting with them," explains  Bradberry.    6. Watch physical stressors    
You already have enough on your plate managing the toxic people in your life. 
Don't make it more difficult on yourself by trying to do it when you're 
exhausted or strung out on 18 cups of coffee.    "Your self-control, attention, 
and memory are all reduced when you don't get enough--or the right kind--of 
sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without 
a stressor present," Bradberry reminds readers. "A good night's sleep makes you 
more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to toxic people,  
giving you the perspective you need to deal effectively with them."    7. 
Enlist help    Sometimes you're just too close to a toxic situation to assess 
it thoughtfully and come up with optimum solutions. In these situations, an 
outside perspective can be a lifesaver. Don't attempt to be a hero and handle 
the toxic people in your work life 100 percent on your own.    "Everyone has 
someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and 
ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these 
individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and 
assistance when you need it," Bradberry urges those overwhelmed by crazy 
colleagues. 
     
 
         
 
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