On 11/2/2014 7:09 AM, steve.sun...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife] wrote:
Sounds like this hit a little too close to home, huh, Michael?
>
He doesn't like it when it gets too personal. Go figure.
>
---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <mdixon.6569@...> wrote :
What a piece of crappy journalism. Jessica Stillman hasn't got a clue!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
*From:* "fleetwood_macncheese@... [FairfieldLife]"
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
*To:* FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com
*Sent:* Saturday, November 1, 2014 7:40 PM
*Subject:* [FairfieldLife] 7 Techniques to Handle Toxic People
After Share mentioned Emotional Intelligence, I found this:
http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/7-techniques-to-handle-toxic-people.html
The sad reality is that toxic people are common. So common, in fact,
that my Inc.com colleague Lolly Daskal was recently able to come up
with 10 types or subspecies of this noxious breed. Equally troubling
is the effect those individuals--who like to push others' buttons,
stymie projects, and inject pessimism into every situation--can have
on their better-adjusted co-workers.
"Recent research from the Department of Biological and Clinical
Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that
exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions--the same kind
of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people--caused subjects'
brains to have a massive stress response," Emotional Intelligence 2.0
author Travis Bradberry recently wrote in his LinkedIn Influencer column.
That level of stress, science has shown, can actually cause negative
physical changes in your brain. You've probably experienced firsthand
what that feels like subjectively--in short, it's terrible! So how can
you stop these toxic people from messing with your mind, as well as
hurting your productivity?
In his hugely useful post, Bradberry offers a dozen techniques to take
the sting out of your office crazy person or resident grump. Here are
seven of the best.
1. Set limits
Combine your niceness with someone else's love of endless complaint
and you have a recipe for a whole lot of wasted time and unnecessary
stress. Don't feel bound to indulge the constant kvetcher at your
company, advises Bradberry.
"People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they
don't want to be seen as callous or rude, but there's a fine line
between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their
negative emotional spiral," he writes. "You can avoid this only by
setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it
this way: If the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all
afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke?" How do you do this in
practice? Just ask them how they intend to fix whatever it is they're
complaining about. That should either put the conversation on a more
positive track or quiet them down.
2. Choose your battles
"Successful people know how important it is to live to fight another
day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. In conflict,
unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of
battle that can leave you severely damaged," says Bradberry. "Choose
your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right."
3. Keep tabs on your own emotions
The danger of toxic people is that their negativity can be
catching--even if you're usually not the type to get sucked into
endless crankiness and gloom. So keep a sharp eye out for how your
annoying officemate affects your emotions. "You can't stop someone
from pushing your buttons if you don't recognize when it's happening,"
he advises.
By keeping tabs on when someone is riling you up, you can better
choose calm times to deal with that person. "Think of it this way--if
a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and tells you
he's John F. Kennedy, you're unlikely to set him straight. When you
find yourself with a co-worker who is engaged in similarly derailed
thinking, sometimes it's best to just smile and nod. If you're going
to have to straighten them out, it's better to give yourself some time
to plan the best way to go about it," Bradberry offers as an illustration.
4. Defend your joy
Making your happiness contingent on the happiness of people who love
to be miserable is a losing game. "When your sense of pleasure and
satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no
longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent
people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let
anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them,"
Bradberry insists.
So train yourself to take others' commentary with a grain of salt and
let your own feelings about your accomplishments take the lead.
5. Focus on solutions
You can't make your toxic colleagues any less crazy, so don't waste
your time ruminating on their many, many faults. That will just drag
you down to their level. Instead try to focus on positive and
practical measures you can take to deal with them. "This makes you
more effective by putting you in control, and it will reduce the
amount of stress you experience when interacting with them," explains
Bradberry.
6. Watch physical stressors
You already have enough on your plate managing the toxic people in
your life. Don't make it more difficult on yourself by trying to do it
when you're exhausted or strung out on 18 cups of coffee.
"Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you
don't get enough--or the right kind--of sleep. Sleep deprivation
raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor
present," Bradberry reminds readers. "A good night's sleep makes you
more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to toxic
people, giving you the perspective you need to deal effectively with
them."
7. Enlist help
Sometimes you're just too close to a toxic situation to assess it
thoughtfully and come up with optimum solutions. In these situations,
an outside perspective can be a lifesaver. Don't attempt to be a hero
and handle the toxic people in your work life 100 percent on your own.
"Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their
team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a
difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make
an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it,"
Bradberry urges those overwhelmed by crazy colleagues.