Namaste Jim, Thanks for a very refreshing account with minimum labels and conclusions. Simplicity seems to be a good pointer toward reality.
Especially your last three paragraphs impress me that your awakening is in the right direction and genuine from what I understand from Ammachi, Papaji and others. Your account has some similarities with one( of many ) common patterns that I have been reading about: spiritual practices, gathering knowledge, having experiences, perhaps siddhis, and finally some sort of letting it all go because it all seems somewhat burdensome and complicated compared to the underlying simplicity of stillness/beingness. Eckhart Tolle's path was a little different but still similar. He was searching for the meaning of life in academics which provided some happiness alternating with deep anxiety and depression. He said that suffering was his teacher and finally " `I' cannot live with `myself' " was the impetus for the inquiry "Am `I' two or one?" and LETTING GO which resulted in the reduction of 80% of his mental thoughts. Letting go was not a choice, it was God's Grace, in my understanding. Sitting in Bliss on park benches for about two years followed. Then, a gradual integration and balance followed. In his case the letting go was primary and then, the simple spiritual knowledge( relatively free from past ) followed later. What Eckhart teaches is relatively free from the past, religions and traditions and accounts for his popularity. Of course, the essence of his teaching is the same because truth is one. One of Amma's statements is that a time will come, after enough spiritual effort and enough suffering, when one will lose all grasp on wealth, health, finances and spiritual practices themselves; then, there will be no choice but to surrender the ego completely. This may sound too drastic and perhaps not necessary for everyone; or perhaps allegorical. But, then again "to completely surrender the ego completely" is perhaps a goal not reached any other way? Just a thought for the time being. Papaji points out that genuine awakening occurs when everything, all concepts, all beliefs, everything is surrendered completely, at least for one moment. He warns that preconceived concepts about higher spiritual states can be a trap, because, as the mind becomes more powerful on the spiritual path, the mind will create these conceptual higher states( different levels and all that ) and the ego will feel it has arrived. The "ego" will feel that it is God. It seems that was the case with a Rakshasa like Ravana who was very adapt at spiritual austerities and siddhis. And perhaps explains the fallen/false spiritual teacher scenerio. Jim, if you haven't read Papaji's "The Truth Is" and "Nothing Ever Happened" I highly recommend these. "The Truth Is" provides hundreds of ways in which to flush out all the nooks and crannies where the ego can hide. See especially page 399 "Sadhana: There is no Becoming Being" "Nothing Ever Happened" is an excellent biography. Papaji was a family man, a military officer, and managing engineer. His self realization started at age eight and matured in his 30's? when he met Ramana. Before that he did plenty of spiritual practices on his own. So, obviously, the "awakening" that he talks about has to be understood in the proper context; perhaps not understood but felt by ones Beingness. His mother was a sister of one of India's great sages. Again Jim, thanks for Awakening and blessing all of us with your simple, clear and genuine account. Gob Bless, amar --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "jim_flanegin" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > .... > > Interesting thought about the two paradigms. Reflecting about it for > a bit, I've identified four distinct approaches that have taken me: > > First, it was a matter of discovering what enlightenment was; how it > was different from anything else, what it meant-- lasting from the > time I was in high school until I learned TM. This was a time where > I was searching several different paths, trying them on like > clothing and seeing how long I ended up wearing the garment. It was > not a time characterized by striving for enlightenment, but rather > finding the right vehicle in which to begin my journey. > > The second mindset I found myself in was after I had begun TM, a > practice which had a lot of knowledge to offer, from reading the > Gita cover to cover, to taking the SCI course, to the myriad taped > lectures of Maharishi, to the experiences of sustained rounding. > During this time I was interested in absorbing the totality of the > knowledge available to me, and had some brief experiences which > caused me to step off the future/past train and enjoy life in the > Now. But such experiences were fleeting. I also learned about the > seven states of consciousness and very much wanted to achieve the > higher states, which I associated with those fleeting moments of > Now. I also felt that the whole world should begin TM including > everyone I knew, and gosh, what a dark world it was outside of "TM > knowledge thinking". Looking back I can say that I was a rigid and > judgmental person. Maybe this was necessary in order that I see the > process all the way through. Or perhaps it was just the way a new > seeker sees the world, as a darkness in contrast to his newly found > light. > > After having absorbed the TM knowledge as fully as I could, and > after having learned the TM-Siddhis program, the third phase of my > journey was characterized by rapid expansion of my awareness, while > still feeling pinched inside. I had wonderful experiences of > extrasensory sight which persist to this day. I felt my mind expand > to be able to know everything. My heart could experience overflowing > love and darkest hatred within the span of a couple of seconds. > Every boundary was crumbling, but the knowledge I had learned over > many years from the TM organization wasn't keeping up. I was > experiencing what appeared to be symptoms of CC and GC and even UC > on a consistent basis, but when I wasn't, I felt trapped, wretched > and miserable. I found myself in an increasing spiral of > justifications, for everything. My mind was working overtime to > explain to itself what was going on, and not doing a great job. My > super sensory experiences grew so common that I stopped doing the > Siddhis. There grew an increasing dissonance between the momentum of > expansion of my awareness created by my continued practice of TM, > and my ability to integrate it into daily activity; where was the > bliss, the serenity, the increased success? To any outside observer > I appeared normal enough, but inside was turmoil. > > The fourth paradigm came about instantly, and was a far greater > transformation than all of the other three combined. After > continuing the third phase of poorly integrated expansion for > twenty-plus years, with my mind madly scrambling to keep up and > feeling near total exhaustion emotionally as the process became more > and more intense, trying to integrate what my world had become in > terms of my self identity and my mental picture of it, one morning I > could take no more, and I just completely gave up. As if a carefully > built and maintained, incredibly intricate, ever vigilant answer-for- > everything house of cards within me just crumbled, in an instant, > and what I was crumbled with it. All my false identity and > justifications just vanished in the blink of an eye. Self > evaporation. > > I always tied enlightenment, whether understood to be always present > or found along a longer road, to be the inner and outer expression > of lasting freedom. And this is where I find myself after that final > collapse a couple of years ago. Is it CC or GC or UC or BC or KC? I > don't know, nor am I much concerned with that. I had a dream over > the weekend where I was watching something surrealistic going on > between two people concerning six foot paper clips (?) in my dream. > I turned to the person next to me and said, "Why are they doing > that?", to which my dream companion replied, "Because you are > dreaming." "Oh...riiight...", I replied. > > So where is enlightenment now? It is everywhere, and I learn more of > it every single day. So it exists as a permanence on the one hand, > and on the other, I am always on my way to find more of it. > >>>
