I am really sorry. My cat Percy, who I found on my 12th birthday and grew up with, died at my parents' house last year a month short of 20. She spent the last few months living on a bed and hardly every getting off-- had food, water, litterbox on the bed (the bed was dedicated to her and my parents slept elsewhere but spent lots of time with her). She could only walk a few feet at a time and was very thin from hyperthyroidism, and she slept a lot. But she seemed happy, and when she passed she passed peacefully at home-- started having shallow breathing and then after a few hours just stopped breathing. We loved her so much so losing her was gut-wrenching, but she went so peacefully it is something to be grateful for. I hope that Smokey has some time left, that he is happy for it, and that when he goes it is peacefully and at home.
Because it seems like you really want Smokey to go at home, I am going to tell you something that I have done-- I did it once with Bandit, a cat I grw up with at my mother's house, and my mom did it a few months ago with Arthur, his brother when he passed. With each of them, they went at home, and it was peaceful at first but then they had some distress-- bandit when he went into respiratory distress and started howling and Arthur from fright at not being able to move. We gave them human valium. I gave Bandit a whole valium pill and he stopped howling and slipped off peacefully after that. My mom gave Arthur 1/4 of a pill, then another 1/4, and then another 1/4 and he stopped being scared and just went to sleep and then slipped away. I think it is sort of like giving humans morphine-- it is not a euthanasia drug, but in large doses I think it not only calms but helps them pass. If you can, you might want to try to get hold of a valium pill if you are worried about what Smokey's pasing will be like but are committed to letting Smokey pass at home. I told the oncologist that I have done this and he said "I can't condone that" but did not say anything more specific about why it would be a bad thing to do. Again, I hope Smokey has some time, and I am so sorry. But how amazingly wonderful that Smokey has had 19 years! After having FeLV+ cats die so young, when I would visit Percy at my parents even during the period that she lived on the bed I was overwhelmed with a sense of how wonderful and beautiful it was that she had lived so long and was declining in such a natural way from old age. How I wish my Simon, Ginger, Patches, and Lucy could have that, but I know they won't. Michelle
