--- Roger Stevens <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote: > (Please add to the story wherever you see
fit, add
> your name at the
> front and post it.)
>
> "Man Bites Dog" 42-page book made of fur, teeth,
> skin and bones
>
> Kathy Forer, Roger Stevens, Michael Leigh, Alan
> fffo, badgergirl, Carol
> Starr, Suse
>
> The Story So Far
>
> Fourteen wolverines and one lap dog chase a badger.
> But the badger is
> too fast and burrows beneath a paintbrush stuck in a
> stone. In the
> burrow are mushrooms and grain. The badger makes a
> broth ambrosia of the
> green grain and mushrooms and is soon asleep.
>
>
> The badger is dreaming that it was just a dream,
> there are no wolverines
> or lap dog because the badger was really awakened by
> the artist removing
> the paintbrush from the stone to begin painting for
> the morning. Little
> does the artist realize that the badger is in the
> burrow. Once the
> badger (a strange name for a badger some would say)
> is reassured as to
> its safety and breakfast is under way in the burrow;
> ambrosia of green
> grain and mushrooms with the added delight of mini
> marshmallows!
>
> The day is going well, but what was that
> strange sound? Thunder and a police siren mix with
> snoring. The badger
> jumps from his spot thinking the stone has imploded.
> When he hears the
> rain on the stone above, he realizes the electricity
> is still working,
> washes his face and soon falls back deep asleep.
> He dreams of a sitting on a five bar gate in
Shinaniki Da. It's 1932 and Tom Thumb ,the Topsy Turvy
talking automaton has just opened the Cough Drop Shop
in the village which badger can see from where he
sits. The baked Potato man wanders by trying to see
his wares. "Piping hot King Edwards!" he shouts as he
wafts the steam from his portable oven perched
precariously on one-legged wheel-barrow. "Juicy
Jerseys covered in ketchup!"
Badger asks the baked Potato Man if he has any crispy
potato peelings in batter. " No, but I have these fine
Cheshire New potatoes in gravy " he smiles ,
proffering the steamy morsel which suddenly grows two
eyes and leering mouth and cackles most horribly!
> Hours later, Once, the badger, is awakened by the
> noise of wood against
> stone. It is night and the lap dog is yapping. The
> wolverines have
> surrounded the stone and are chanting an
> incantation. The badger doesn't
> breathe, not a whisker moves. Neither up nor down,
> although suspense is
> acrostic. After a paws of several minutes the badger
> quickly whips out
> his cross-stitched magic asbestos underpants and
> pulls them on
> ferociously. Once flings open the serving hatch and
> grabs the vial of
> sacred weasel water and makes a dot for the burrow
> entrance and
> confronts the seething mass of writhing wolverines
> squirming around the
> stone which is now glowing with a strange
> phosphorescent throb!
>
> 1
>
> It was a dense night. Stumble patterns and brave
> yapping set apart the
> party of owl elves and gnome mimics as they writhe
> and chase and spurn
> the undergrowth around the latest beige badger
> silting. In the brave
> distance behoves the strange and incandescent
> foreshadows of wolverines
> and greenish melon lights upon the substantial
> forest fare.
>
> Young Zonograph, the tallest owl elf snuffed his
> warps harp and muttered
> - I can hear a badger. The badger is in trouble. I
> scents wolverines.
> Hurry there is no stone unready ton roll upturned in
> this lackadaisical
> pre-momentary of the word fandango.
>
> Meanwhile, or to be more precisereiouseless, high on
> hill stood a lonely
> man with a goathead, his fixedinterestrate stare
> directeddyboyhoodlesservilely at the burning black
> belching smokestacks
> of the town beyond the wolverine woods. The sound of
> a suddenly
> snuffeforadicalcified warps harp, brought memories
> back for Ludwig Hat,
> erstwhile butler and badger
> baiterribleedinglendervish of Vincent and
> Cara Van Hire.
>
> Ludwig stood immobile, impeller and intoxicate, for
> Ludwig had been
> brained by falling groceries, dropped from almost a
> mile overhead and
> one mile and eight inches over shoulder, a result of
> the splitting of a
> cheap carrier pigeon on it's way home. Forcing his
> gaze downward Ludwig
> was horrified, not only had his part of the story
> not managed to settle
> on a definite form, not only did it lack content but
> now to his disgust
> he found that he had been
> rendereducededicateddyboyfriended by a
> tangerine!!! He couldn't even get that right.
>
> Ludwig crossed his eyes and dotted his teeth,
> relaxed and floated up,
> through the roof of his own mouth. Long and
> complicated wordadditions,
> he thought, canwearyoudownifyournot careful, and so
> he resolved to be
> more carefulinfuture.
>
> Win Cent the Magnificent and Cara, however, were
> seriously considering
> calling Sister Meg and entering into the fray.
> Sister Meg O'Lomania was
> after all acrostic champion frigidaire and good at
> getting badgers up
> and down and out of trees (and wolverines out of
> toasters for that
> matter.) Lap dogs she had no time for as their
> batteries always seemed
> to run out in the middle of a sent bottle of
> enormous pulchritude.
>
> His eyes dilated and shuffled in the moonlight, his
> breathe came in
> short pants, his coughs in a skirt and his trousers
> rolled up like
> Venetian blinds caught in a mighty Wurlitzer.
>
> Mrs. Shufflefang caught sight of herself in a nearby
> polished knob of a
> Milkman's portable pelmet crusher and she winced
> inwardly, tossing back
> a mane of flaxen hair that was tied in a bun and
> covered in currants.
> The badgers, for now there were five, all grabbed
> the reins of the
> milkman's horse and whipped it into a gallop and
> then into a small tea
> shop where it scattered several old ladies and a
> troupe of dwarves on an
> outing.
>
> Suddenly, Pequot Marmaduck threw a crumpet at Sister
> Meg. It caught her
> with a ping in the frigidaire and she fainted
> straight away, smashing
> the paw of the lap dog who was dreaming of heaven
> sent chumlaka. Cara
> sprinkled Sister Meg and the lap dog each with half
> a gram of lemon
> juice. Meg cried out "get me a toasted pineapple!"
> and the dog sniffed
> the crumpet.
>
> Ludwig had fallen onto the milk cart and the badgers
> were busy cleaning
> the splashes from each other when seven wolverines
> slunk by and whistled
> an old tune from the dark days when weasels were
> weasels and fourpence
> was worth three and a half cents. The badgers had
> been mistaken for
> minks! Finally, they could answer Young Zonograph's
> call and they set
> out toward the southern phosphorescence, towing Mrs.
> Shufflegang who had
> the fixedinterestrate card for gas and carrots for
> the hybrid horse and
> roasted beast for themselves.
>
> 2
>
> "What's all this, then!" Uncle Walt awoke with a
> tart. "Once?" he
> yelled. "Where is that pesky badger?" Carefully
> smearing the remains of
> his last bottle of bright orange nail varnish into
> his hair, he feebly
> crawled out of the hole. Lulu, meanwhile,
> disappeared into a cravat.
>
> "There's wild weasels in there, I tells ya. I don't
> want to go to the
> steak house no more!" Several of the badgers
> loitering around the
>
=== message truncated ===
____________________________________________________________
Yahoo! Messenger - Communicate instantly..."Ping"
your friends today! Download Messenger Now
http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com/download/index.html
