Deep,
Thank you so much for your practical and caring advice.. but you know i feel the world that i have created for asif and me, i just want to live in it every moment.. though at the moment i miss him a lot always have tears just waiting to drop any moment.. but as days go by, as im getting ore and more busy with work.. i still always and always want to live in his world... but i want to turn these tears into smiles by just remembereing the best of memories of him.. remember his fsce his smile.. i want to have him only in my mind and heart forever.. but also being ahppy and successful in life.. Deep, its true i have many guys around me, im not too good looking, but i have many guys including straight at work anywhere i go, while travelling guys say i have a charisma they cant resist.. get attracted to me wanna get close to me spend time with me and much more.. but the moment i feel anyone is trying to get closer to me, i draw a line and dont speak to them much, i somehow start hating that person.. its like inborn in me.. Asif or anyone never bonded me to him... but i feel know one except him has the the right to get closer to me.. not even to laugh with.. I am writing a book nowadays to keep myself busy, and not to drink.. i think ill get on track of carrier and job and sucess.. but yes my smile my inner happiness, i dont know when ill get it... though i trying too hard, to turn my tears into smile.. by only being his world.. hope this works..I just miss him so much. Take Care Deep --- In gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com, "Deep" <gaymanproud31@...> wrote: > > Dear boy_alone00 (Randy), > I appreciate your feelings for Asif. You have great love for him indeed. > Asif lives inside your heart and soul. That Asif who lives deep inside > of you is the world's best partner that you can ever have. > Many of us have gone through what you are going through, in varying > degrees. Some of us have taken the agonizing steps and walked away from > that lover who lives (and perhaps shall always live) deep within us. > Without in anyway demeaning your true love for Asif I ask you to look > without, in the real world, for a moment. The reality is that Asif does > not, and probably never did, love you. That's the real Asif who lives > outside your heart and soul. The real Asif has gone away from you and is > living a life that he wants - in the real world. > I don't have the authority or the knowledge to ask you to follow my > advise. But I request you to think this through calmly. I know it is > going to be difficult since Asif lives inside you all the time but try > it any way. Think: > > * Are you happy being sad? I mean, are you contented in a state of > depression? Is that a natural feeling for you? Almost like it is part of > your anatomy. > * Have you woven good and bad memories of your time spent with Asif > into a cloth where you can't feel the good parts of the cloth without > simultaneously feeling the bad parts? Since you constantly want to feel > the good memories of Asif you welcome the bad ones? > * Yes, you are certainly in love with Asif. But is he in love with > you? Doesn't he have the right to love the person he cares for? > * Is there someone right now who is desperate to love you but you are > not letting him because you love Asif? Are you not being unjust to that > unknown admirer and to yourself? > * You have given your dream Asif a character, a persona, and > attributed to him all the good qualities that are indeed projections of > your own self. > > Think about all those things (boy_alone00) Randy. Best of luck. > Regards,Deephttp://gaynotes.blogspot.com > > > --- In gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com, "boy_alone00" <boy_alone00@> > wrote: > > > > Dont you think Manoj, some people try to show thier intelligence in a > different way, by advising people to have fun and cheer in life, when > they are depressed, rather than giving them a root solutions.. > > > > How long can the party go on, how long will you have sex and with how > many, how long will you drink and drug, will the night not get over as > it has to... and what will one do when he is so depressed, tied up when > the party, sex and drink and drug is over... who will kill his > loneliness.. > > > > I was truly and am in true love with asif, i did meet others not out > of urge, but only when i was frustrated, waiting for my lovers message.. > not replied in anger i got drunk couple of times..and only thing that > came to mind was seducing a hot guy passing by any car and mate with > him..than in the morning i would die with guilt and shame.. > > and making my lover go more far away thinking i am not being loyal to > him..so would abuse him, irritate him and do crazy things so he could > hate me..but this all was foolishness..evil what made me do things like > that which i can never do.. because i love him so much and am totally > dedicated to him.. > > > > but yes i could i did and i am resisting, the hottest guy stands nude > in front of me cannot shake me... my lover is not around he has left the > city, not called me.. i dont know where he is gone.. > > but im still waiting and will wait.. money, sex, guys, wealth all can > come.. but peace can only come when you are loved by someone truly.. > > > > Today i have everything.. can get even lots more, party guys, sex, > wealth.. but i just drink but dont loose my senses and go for sex wth > anyone... just drink till i sleep thinking of him... > > > > So As per Mr Mad Cow, or any other guys who think this way, that > enjoyment canbring peace...than you guys are WRONG.... > > > > I HAVE EVERYTHING BUT NOT PEACE.. BECAUSE I DONT HAVE MY LOVER ANYMORE > > I CAN GET MANY OTHER LOVERS, BUT THEY CANT BE MY LOVERS BECAUSE THEY > ARE NOT ASIF. > > > > THANK YOU. > > RANDY >
