Or what about this one: >Subject: The Office Christmas Party > >Date: October 01, 2003 > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > >RE: Christmas Party > > >I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take >place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at >the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll >have a small band playing >traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if >our CEO >shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00PM. >Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no >gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's >pockets. >This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special >announcement >at that time! > >Merry Christmas to you and your family. > > >Patty > >======================================================================= >==== = > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > > >TO: All Employees > >DATE: October 02, 2003 > >RE: Holiday Party > > >In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish >employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which >often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. >However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same >policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those >still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree >present. No Christmas carols sung. We will >have other types of music for your enjoyment. > >Happy now? > >Happy Holidays to you and your family. > > >Patty > >======================================================================= >==== = > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > >TO: All Employees > >DATE: October 03, 2003 > >RE: Holiday Party > > >Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous >requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm >happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that >reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed >to handle this? Somebody? > >Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since >the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives >believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. > >NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. > >======================================================================= >==== = > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > > >To: All Employees > >DATE: October 04, 2003 > >RE: Holiday Party > > >What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the >Muslim >holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight >hours. >There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this >time >of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the >Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or
>else >package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. >Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to >sit farthest from >the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the >restrooms. >Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with >Gay men, >each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for >the Gay >men's table. To the person asking permission to crossdress, no >crossdressing >allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food >will be >available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the >food >we suggest >for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be >fresh fruits as >dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. >Sorry! > >Did I miss anything?!?!? > > >Patty > >======================================================================= >==== = > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > >TO: All Damn Employees > >DATE: October 05, 2003 > >RE: The Damn Holiday Party > > >Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep >this >party at the >Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the >table >furthest from >the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your >damn >salad bar, >including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They >scream >when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream >right NOW! >I hope you all have a rotten holiday! > >Drive drunk and die, > > >The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!! > >======================================================================= >==== = > >FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director > >DATE: October 06, 2003 > >RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party > > >I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery >and >I'll >continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has >decided >to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off >with full pay. > >Happy Holidays! John Tolmachoff Engineer/Consultant/Owner eServices For You To Unsubscribe: http://www.ipswitch.com/support/mailing-lists.html List Archive: http://www.mail-archive.com/imail_forum%40list.ipswitch.com/ Knowledge Base/FAQ: http://www.ipswitch.com/support/IMail/
