This discussion seems have taken on the character of bikeshedding [1] Unless there are major objections to the latest version or things that are just plain wrong, please creative align on the statement.
On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 9:07 AM, Hillel Lubman <shtetl...@gmail.com> wrote: > Some thoughts on the introduction - I'd change a few things: > > 1. Presenting Linux for your mobile. => > > Presenting new kind of mobile Linux. No meaningful difference. If anything, the proposed grammatically incorrect statement detracts from the statement. > > 2. Feature rich. Free and open source. First of its kind. => > > First of its kind - feature rich, free and open source. No meaningful difference. This construction implies a different meaning than the original--"First of its kind" and here's why. That's not the flavor of the original. > > 3. it can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks to > entertainment systems, from mobile devices to smart TVs. => > > it can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks to > entertainment systems, to mobile devices and smart TVs. No meaningful difference. The first suggests possibilities, unlike the second. > > 4. Nemo-power sounds awkward to me. Just write "power". Nemo-power is a neologism that conveys something different than "power". Nemo-power _is_ awkward. It's a new word that people will have to deal with for the first time. And it communicates something that benefits the project. > > 5. "..." is not very good to use here. Better write "and etc." Changes the meaning. et cetera means "and more things like this" or the list is too long and well known to actually write it out. The way it's used means something different--you fill in the blank, could be anything > > 6. Let's influence the future of mobile, together! => > > Let's influence the future of mobile computing, together! > > "mobile" sounds a bit blank. Mobile computing is more to the point. Okay. However NemoMobile is about more than computing. Its influence is on mobile primarily, not on computing. Carl > > > Regards, > > Hillel. > [1]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson's_law_of_triviality > > On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 9:06 AM, quixote <quix...@greenglim.com> wrote: >> >> Checked out the update on the pad. Looks very good! >> >> quixote. >> >> >
