Papa, this is extremely lengthy, I'm before hand warning you, but I really
think you should read it. I know I tend to really ramble, but, in this
case, I really would appreciate, just this once, you reading through it. I
think it'll give you a better idea of maybe some of my issues. If you think
you can help, then call me, and we'll talk. I'm going to be up all night,
and my number is at the bottom of this message.
I dono...
I'd for once like to produce something that is worth being proud of.
Nothing I have done seems to be that way though.
I remember going all the way back to when I was a small kid... You'd have
thought I was a girl, as my voice was so high before I hit puberty, but I'm
telling you now... I was good then... R'r'r'real! damn good! I was put in
the Charlotte Choir Boys by my parents, without even seeking my opinion on
what I thought of it. Truthfully, I wonder if music was as much in my blood
as my folks made it out to be. I just wanted to have fun with it, but
everyone set so high expectations of me that it drove me insane! I recall
there being some nights that I couldn't even do my homework for school, as
my folks wanted me to saronade them instead on the piano, or they wanted me
to work on my weekly piano lesson assignment, etc. I never had time to
play, never time to really get out in the community and do things, that is,
unless it was performing, etc.
My folks always took me to musical festivals we had uptown, then all the way
home would torture me saying, Chris, it's such a shame on you that you can't
[play like those people. There was a pianest, don't know if you ever've
heard of him, probably not, named Emile Pandolfi. My mother, and a lot of
her friends always wanted me, and still do! mind you, want me, to play like
him. They always are just like, Christopher, you could play like that if
you put your mind to it. It's like, nothing I do, playing for fun is ever
good enough. So now, when I have people who really do! like what I do, it's
like... Really? I just posted something on my Twitter, that I'll make as a
point here. Close friends are not gonna tell you the truth about your
tallent. Why? Because they don't want to hurt you. They would much rather
sugar-code the truth to keep you as a friend. Papa, I gotta face the truth
though. The truth is, I'm not cut out to be a professional, and darn it, I
probably never will be! I don't know why I keep spending money on ProTools,
a nicer keyboard/piano, a nicer guitar, which may I add, I may as well sell,
being I literally probably haven't picked the thing up in 4 years. The
guitar you heard on Oh Come all ye Faithful was a virtual instrument, that
wasn't actually a real guitar. I don't know if it's just my level of
comprehention, but when people have tried working over the phone with me on
vocals, as well as my piano playing, and even more so, on my mixing
techniques, I just never seem to be able to grasp it. Right when I think I
do, bam! I find that I throw something together that sounds like crap. I
know that you're only gonna improve by first making quote: crap, but there
comes a point, I'd suspect, where you reach the limit of what you're
physically capable of doing regardless how much you practice, and regardless
how much effort you put forth. I feel that I'm kind of at that point. And,
it frustrates, pardon my language, the hell outta me! Every time I ask
people to help me, they're very very vaigue about what needs improving, but
they also are very hesitant with their words. You know darn well down deep
inside, they're probably going, God! Bless? America! This guy is aweful!
But again, it goes back to what I said earlier, they don't wanna offend me,
so they bite their tongue. I admire the fact that you say these made you
smile, but let's be very realistic, I don't want to just make people smile.
I want something that sounds polished, and that really is if not radio
grade, at very least, pro grade sounding.
I had a keyboard teacher once who was very old school. He didn't believe in
using computers of any type for recording. He literally was still back on
the cassette days. He wouldn't use dats, minidiscs, CD's, or digital media.
If it wasn't either cassette or LP, he wanted nothing to do with it. He ran
a 24 channel board in his studio, although I wonder if he really knew the
potential of the thing. Often, I'd record. Literally all he did was turn
on the thing, pop a tape in the tapedeck, give me a mike, not even on a
stand, but to hold, no headphones may I add, little like 80 dollar stereo
speakers about 5 feet in front a me, and would have me play a 100 dollar
Yamaha keyboard. OK, fine, maybe 200, but who's counting. He never turned
off the phone ringer, never turned off his doorbell, etc. So, we always got
interupted. Plus, he cranked the reverb up so high I sounded like I was in
a grand cannyon. When I asked him if he had a graphic EQ, or some way to
better EQ my voice, he said he did, but that takes hours to do. When I told
him let's do it, I'll pay ya for it, he said ok. So one day, I went down
there, paid him like, $300 for 2 and a half hours of recording time. He
never coached me any during that time, and when I tried telling him, I
thought the vocals were too loud, I thought the drums were too quiet, I
thought we needed to kill the reverb, there were too many high ends on my
vocal, etc, he just said, I can't get it any better. It sounds really good,
Chris, you just don't know what your'e listenning for. When I said, ok,
well can we at least! apply some very light compression on my vocal? He's
like, not for $300. You go to a professional studio, and pay maybe 5 grand
an hour and they can do that, but not off $300. Frankly, the guy was an
idiot! I think he meant well, but he didn't know what the heck he was
doing. I even let a professional hear a recording I did there, and even he
was just like, ow! My aching! ears! God that was atrocious! So,
ultimately my point in all of this is to say, do you think there, at this
point in time, is any potential for me? Don't worry about hurting my
feelings. Just be very boldly honest. I know you're probably thinking,
he's been through a lot, bless his heart, I don't wanna hurt him. You're
not gonna hurt me. It's nothing I probably haven't already heard. Just be
honest. I know I am not up for what it takes now, but do you think I ever
could get where people like Slau, Kevin, Brian, etc. are at on this list? I
can't even produce stuff anyway! I don't have the money for royalties, and
my composition skills are literally none! OK, I wrote one? song, back in
the days. Big? whoo! Frankly, the track really isn't even all that good in
my not so humble opinion.
I've had a few people on list say, Chris, I'd love to teach you and work
with you, but you're gonna have to pay me. I'm sorry, but I don't have
hundreds of dollars to throw around. By the time my bills are paid each
month, I probably only have $20 if that, to my name. This isn't a finance
thing either. I know how to budget, it's just with what I get from Social
Security, with my benefits, on top of the gbills like rent, etc. which
cannot be done away with, I have nothing. I'm not overspending. I can't
even if I wanted to.
The only reason back in the days I was able to pay Kevin, and that I paid
Matt for both their help/tutorials, was because someone else was generous
enough to pay for me. When I told them my situation, they were not even
willing to work with me as far as the payment arrangements.
I dono how I'm gonna learn if no one will help. Frankly, at this point, I
don't know if I even want! to learn further. I'm just at rock bottom, and
honestly feel ready to quit.
If you know anything! anything at all! You can do to help me, let me know.
Really, I will even pay you, I swear! It might not be quick that you get
all the money, but if you're willing to prove to me that I can! indeed
improve, then I'm willing to let you work with me, and show me. I'm not
begging, but seriously, within my power, and within my sanity, I'll do
anything! No one really has sat down with me though and tried to figure out
what I'm doing wrong with certain things. I'll end this mail after this,
but one final point... For instance, I seem to never be able to get my
vocals to blend very well with my music. All I ever get is, well, just keep
experimenting with things and you'll get it sooner or later. That's all
they say. I've never had anyone just say, Chris, call me. Here's my
number. I'm not gonna charge you, but let's talk. Let's see if we can try
to figure out your workflow and maybe then once I know how you're actually
doing things, I can then stop you and say, wo, wo wo Chris. That's your
problem right there. That's not gonna work. No one's been willing to do
that yet, to just sit down on the phone with me and just say, ok. Show me
what you're doing step by step. Let's go back to square 1, and let me watch
what you're doing, and how.
I fear that might be what it takes. I'm not asking for a huge amount of
time, but even just 30 minutes to explain what I'm doing, and just get a few
pointers based off of that, would be helpful.
If you really wanna shed the spirit of giving, that would be a great
Christmas gift from you to me. To sit down with me for about 30 mins to an
hour, and just let me tell you what I'm doing, and see if we can figure out
my main problem. If you wanna call me, I'm up literally all night. My
number is:
704-594-2225.
Then choose option 1 from the main IVR menu.
Chris.
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