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From: "Steve White" <ste...@pinetel.com>
To: "Dan" <d...@unh.edu>
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] aids
Date: Sat, 5 Jun 2010 10:33:39 -0700
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I take Dan's approach. It works well for us.
I am mom of Jesse White, 28 year old quad since birth.
Summer White
----- Original Message ----- From: "Dan" <d...@unh.edu>
To: <quad-list@eskimo.com>
Sent: Friday, June 04, 2010 5:19 PM
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] aids
Well I guess there's two approaches you can take. The first is the
supervisor type. Wherein, you treat your PCAs strictly as
employees. Many quads use this approach, and it seems to work for
them. I've tried this approach, but I found it very lonely.
I use the other approach, wherein the people that work with me
become my true friends. I want them to care about me as they would
any other good friend. I've been doing this for over 20 years and
it has worked out very well. My PCAs share everything with me and I
do the same with them. You can still set boundaries, but it's done
in a friendly way. Just like you would with any friend. For
instance, if they are continually late. I might say -- so, what's
up with that being late business?
I have had arguments with my PCA's sometimes even fights though we
always make up. And since we are friends, they always make sure
that someone will be there for me unlike the supervisor role, where
the PCA thinks of me as just another boss. In other words, since
I'm not their friend they would have no problem quitting on the
spot and leaving me high and dry - or low and wet ;). And yes, I've
been a counselor to them many a time, and vice versa.
So this way has worked well for me, but for others perhaps not.
It's a choice you have to make based on your own personality.
Dan
At 07:35 PM 6/4/2010, shellbell5...@aim.com said something that
elicited my response:
This question is for those of you who have aids that are not not
consumer employed. I am attending college and am
3 hours away from home. How and where do you draw boundaries with
your aids? A lady I respect told me to keep our relationship a business one.
My problem is this in the past I have become friends with these
women (it's difficult not to.) But then I tart hearing about there problems
and our relationship is no longer a working relationship. Seems
they take that as a sign as they can come, do very little and
or take care of personal calls for instance. My dorm is a small
area so I hear the whole conversation. My aid spoke to her child's teacher
this am. She was on the phone over 5 minutes then when she got off
began to explain the difficulty she is having with her
daughter. It is not that I do not care I do! (Probably too nice
for my own good.) I just do not want to become someones counselor.
Do you listen but make no comment and hope she will keep info to herself?
I have been working on establishing boundaries. To protect them
from me as well as me from them. My last aid showed up with
booze on her breath. I told her boss but instead of confronting
her employee saying something like, "a consumer reported that they
smelled alcohol on your breath.... She told her "Shelly tolm
me....." then my aid called me and it became personal. Anyway I just
want to do the right thing. How do you guys draw those lines or
even set the standards? How friendly or even how much
info do you give up?
My "accident" was a blessing in many ways and I have learned many
valuable lessons these past soon to be 4 years.I am
grateful for all that I have been given and do believe it's my
purpose to be a blessing. That does not mean that I let people
get away with things that are unacceptable. Am I making a big deal
out of nothing? She is a sweet girl... I am going to "shut up"
Blessings~
Shelly
C6-C7 Incomplete
July 31 will be 4 years
