Hi Nancy, I had my spinal cord injury in 2003 and still have not come to terms with all the changes in my life. I am luckier than most as I regained about 50 percent of my muscle movement below my hips. I have use of my arms so can keep busy. In the beginning, especially when I was in the hospital, I was so busy being concerned and worried about my family and friends. I had been a counselor and was very aware of their stress levels, their concerns, and their feelings, especially of helplessness at not being able to help me. I have my good days and I have my bad days. They have their good days and their bad days of dealing with my SCI. They still battle with the helplessness of not being able to "fix" me or my situation. There are days when I just need to be alone and deal with my thoughts. I still do not want to get involved in a lot of activities because it is painful and reminds me of what I have lost. I have been slowly getting back into certain things, such as church and sewing clubs, but this last two years has seen an end to those endeavers. I had developed a sore on my foot that had not gone away and the doctor at the wound clinic wanted me to have a lot of bed rest to stay off the foot. I did well the first six months, only getting up for eating and using the restroom. This last year, has been hard. I have been going on errands to the store to get out of the house. It seems that there is only so much television that I can handle before the walls close in on me. The doctor said my condition might be permanent and I explained that I wouldn't be able to stay in bed like I had been. I plan to get back into sewing and church, but at my pace. My husband is very patient and allows me to do what I want when I want. He has made suggestions about getting out of the house, for us, and I have explained that I think he should go visit friends and do things, but I am not there yet. It is just me and what I am ready for. As for your son, I don't know how open your communication is with him, but I would recommend sharing your feelings, but also asking him about his. He just might not be ready or he might not be interested in what you have suggested. Things my friends have done that I thought was inconsiderate was to suggest a "group day" at a spot that was geared for sports actitivities. Well, I thought that was stupid since they made a big issue of wanting me to go and promised to do something that I would be able to do. I can't bowl because I cannot lift uneven weights on my arms or it could harm my spine. I cannot walk on sponges in the lazer tag area because I would fall. I cannot run or move quickly so I could not do anything that required speed such as lazer tag, baseball, basketball, volleyball, or any of the other sports they had there. I could not do the rock climbing. I could not ride in anything that moved quickly as the jerking would cause pain or muscle spasms. There are days that riding in the car is too much for me. There was nothing there that I could do. It would have been pointless for me to pay the fee to get in and stand there to watch everyone else. My husband was angry and he didn't bother going either. He thought it was stupid for them to make an issue of wanting me to go and then picking something that I obviously could not do. This situation actually made me think less of some of my friends and I have not gone out of my way to see them or call them since the incident over a year ago. Again, I suggest that you find out what he is thinking. If he is uncomfortable with communications, you can write him a letter to explain your feelings and concerns. Letters can be safer because they eliminate the confrontation that can occur when people disagree or have misunderstandings. I would suggest that you start the letter by sharing the reason you are doing it, such as concern for him, wanting him to feel free to communicate with you, or just ask him what he wants your role to be in his life. He may still be in the phase that he is trying to protect you and your feelings. Just ask what his goals are and if you can help in anyway or if this is something he wants to do on his own. I tend to feel like I need a lot of help on some days and then none on others. I had the energy and ability to clean a couple of days ago, but today, I can barely walk and sit in my chair. Good luck.
Candle "Scars remind of us where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we are going." ~David Rossi of Criminal Minds *********************************************************************** ________________________________ From: Nancy Pritchard <ntpgrn...@aol.com> To: quad-list@eskimo.com Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 6:52 AM Subject: [QUAD-L] Fwd: a little advise Hi I am mother of a 23 year old with C5/C6 injury injured 4 years now. Trying to understand when I need to step back and let him pick up the pieces, move on and create his own road map. He is a wonderful caring 23 yr old who never complains, doesn't dwell (verbally)and is pretty much my hero. He has returned to college and just finished an internship as a college requirement. When he is not doing either of the above he has endless hours to fill with limited abilities. Up until now his long time friends have been around and spend time with him regularly but I worry that he is not out in the world meeting new people and that one day his old friends may move on. Which is only natural at that age..but it breaks my heart! That being said it takes every once of will power to not be in touch with him 24/7. He currently lives with his older brother who works odd hours and I am the remote care taker in the morning and transportation to and from school, work, wherever....I can think of suggest and plan many adventures but he doesn't have the interest....:( Trying to know my boundaries.....how involved should I be at this point? Peace be with you........ Nancy
