Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?'
From: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] Reply-To: Killer Bs Discussion [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: Killer Bs Discussion [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?' Date: Tue, 25 May 2004 13:22:45 -0700 (PDT) Travis Edmunds [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: -Travis a perfect response from you would be *make it so* Edmunds Imperfect response: I prefer a full head of hair, but what's on top is inconsequential to the brain inside the skull. How shallow... Not everyone is smart ya know!! Some of us are just good-looking. And there's nothing we can do about that! -Travis _ Tired of spam? Get advanced junk mail protection with MSN Premium http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-capage=byoa/premxAPID=1994DI=1034SU=http://hotmail.com/encaHL=Market_MSNIS_Taglines ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?'
From: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] Reply-To: Killer Bs Discussion [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: Killer Bs Discussion [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?' Date: Sun, 23 May 2004 17:03:56 -0700 (PDT) Travis Edmunds [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: From: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] [GaryD:] Perhaps this subscription to the gourami fish theory of mating relates to your lowered expectations? snort of amusement Exactly the opposite -- I want an equal! Don't we all... Just out of curiosity though, how exactly would one qualify as your equal? Oh, a Jean-Luc Picard type would do nicely... ;) So you want a middle-aged bald guy who drives a car that can reach warp 9 on the highway, which has a built-in replicator in the dash with an unlimited supply of earl-grey tea (HOT), and who's friends all call him Locutus? -Travis a perfect response from you would be *make it so* Edmunds _ Tired of spam? Get advanced junk mail protection with MSN Premium http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-capage=byoa/premxAPID=1994DI=1034SU=http://hotmail.com/encaHL=Market_MSNIS_Taglines ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?'
Travis Edmunds [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: From: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] Travis Edmunds [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: From: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] [GaryD:] Perhaps this subscription to the gourami fish theory of mating relates to your lowered expectations? snort of amusement Exactly the opposite -- I want an equal! Don't we all... Just out of curiosity though, how exactly would one qualify as your equal? Oh, a Jean-Luc Picard type would do nicely... ;) So you want a middle-aged bald guy who drives a car that can reach warp 9 on the highway, which has a built-in replicator in the dash with an unlimited supply of earl-grey tea (HOT), and who's friends all call him Locutus? -Travis a perfect response from you would be *make it so* Edmunds Imperfect response: I prefer a full head of hair, but what's on top is inconsequential to the brain inside the skull. Jean-Luc reads Shakespeare, plays a flute (looks more like a pennywhistle to me, but if they wanna call it a flute, s'ok), AND rides horses (and looks good in that attire!)! Not to mention his kindness, strength, sensitivity and iron will... ;) I think Himself referred to Star Trek characters as 'only 10 times better than a real person' (as opposed to heroes a hundred or more times what a real person is)... ;) IIRC, I've written before that a 'realistic character' from a TV series which I found attractive was BJ Hunnicut from *M*A*S*H*: smart, funny, kind, strong sense-of-self. Not handsome, but attractive. Debbi Tea For Two Is Good Maru :) __ Do you Yahoo!? Friends. Fun. Try the all-new Yahoo! Messenger. http://messenger.yahoo.com/ ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?'
Travis Edmunds [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: From: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] [GaryD:] Perhaps this subscription to the gourami fish theory of mating relates to your lowered expectations? snort of amusement Exactly the opposite -- I want an equal! Don't we all... Just out of curiosity though, how exactly would one qualify as your equal? Oh, a Jean-Luc Picard type would do nicely... ;) You meant, seriously... Well, he needs to be intelligent, kind, have a sense of humor, like animals, and have a very strong will/personality. The latter is required because I'm rather strong-willed myself, and without meaning to, I'd just walk over him if he didn't speak up. shrug Not flattering, that last, but true nevertheless. Hence my 'gourami fish' interpretation. [Of course, in RL certain health issues have intervened. Sucks, but them's the breaks.] why would I settle for a guy I'd have to stifle myself for? To maintain an element of control? -Travis dominance can be such a great thing Edmunds Hmm, have you and Gary N been talking? evil grin Again seriously, role-playing can be awfully...fun. But having to constantly curb your expression of knowledge or opinions is not only a form of lying, it leads to resentment and even a low-grade contempt. *Not* what I want in a relationship. Debbi My Momma Tole Me That If I Wanted To Know How To Handle A Man, Learn To Ride A Mule! Maru `;D __ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Domains Claim yours for only $14.70/year http://smallbusiness.promotions.yahoo.com/offer ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?'
From: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] Reply-To: Killer Bs Discussion [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: Killer Bs Discussion [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?' Date: Fri, 21 May 2004 14:37:11 -0700 (PDT) Perhaps this subscription to the gourami fish theory of mating relates to your lowered expectations? snort of amusement Exactly the opposite -- I want an equal! Don't we all... Just out of curiosity though, how exactly would one qualify as your equal? why would I settle for a guy I'd have to stifle myself for? To maintain an element of control? -Travis dominance can be such a great thing Edmunds _ MSN Premium helps eliminate e-mail viruses. Get 2 months FREE* http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-capage=byoa/premxAPID=1994DI=1034SU=http://hotmail.com/encaHL=Market_MSNIS_Taglines ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?'
Gary Denton [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: snippage Debbi who subscribes to the 'gourami fish theory' of mating That I would have to see ;-) Breeding gouramis can be a tricky issue though, as they can be aggressive towards and even kill the females If she is ready to mate and the male is not too aggressive in his pursuits (some males are just not mateable at all because they will beat up even females are responsive) Real Kinky Unless you mean kissing gouramis, who do not build a bubble nest but just just start kissing along each others sides and get excited until thousands of sticky eggs are released and then fertized all over the tank. grin It was indeed kissing gouramis, but because I recalled reading that the 'kissing' behaviour was actually a 'sizing-up' of the potential mate; weaker fish were chased away as unfit, while two 'equals' would find each other suitable and mate. I don't recall where I read that (it was quite some time ago!), and was not able to find anything really corroborating it on the net. Some articles stated that only males 'kissed' in establishing dominance, others that it was to remove parasites or feed on algae, others that only males/females exhibited this behavior... http://www.liveaquaria.com/product/prod_Display.cfm?siteid=21pCatId=968 http://www.aquariacentral.com/fishinfo/fresh/kisser.htm http://mikejacobs.50megs.com/SecretKissingGourami.html [from the last:] There are several theories as to why Helostoma temmincki kisses, but actual scientific proof seems to be lacking. As L. P. Aronson states that assumptions are often made about the nature of aggressive and reproductive behavior without adequate evidence about what is actually taking place. Three main theories seem to be: 1) That kissing is an aggressive action derived from the formation of territories and social organizations. 2) That it is an act of courtship and/or presexual behavior. 3) That it is merely a habitual play trait, characteristic of other fishes also. A more recent suggestion claims that may possibly be a method by which the fish remove tiny parasites from each others mouths. An extensive research in the future may finally solve this mystery; until that time, however, this strange little ritual remains the secret of Helostoma temmincki This researcher's viewpoint could apply to cichlids - or us: http://www.sru.edu/depts/artsci/bio/scb/scbres.htm 4. How do aggressive and courtship motivations and behavior result in successful pair formation in sexually monomorphic cichlid species? This is, in some sense, the most persistent question in my research, and one that has been pursued by researchers since the 1930s. I don't think the answer lies in the traditionally examined realm of simple, sexually dimorphic coloration, olfactory cues, behavioral stereotypy, or auditory cues. All have been investigated. Instead, the process may be essentially dynamic, and its local unpredictability an inherent component of the dynamic interactions between the sexes. I would like to know the basics of the decision rules that yield this unstable behavioral system... Perhaps this subscription to the gourami fish theory of mating relates to your lowered expectations? snort of amusement Exactly the opposite -- I want an equal! scratches side-of-face And, um, well...if he _wasn't_ my equal, I'd drive him away from my territory; not trying to be mean, ya see, but why would I settle for a guy I'd have to stifle myself for? Debbi Locally Unpredictable Maru ;) __ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Domains Claim yours for only $14.70/year http://smallbusiness.promotions.yahoo.com/offer ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: 'Expect less, be happier...?'
On Mon, 17 May 2004 16:52:54 -0700 (PDT), Deborah Harrell [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: One of the regular features of a late-night program (MadTV?) was commercials for the dating service Yes - Lowered Expectations. hums along with the ditty lowered expectations..., also starts humming. Lo and behold: http://my.webmd.com/content/Article/87/99315.htm?printing=true ... It's not about settling for less; it's realizing that sometimes, 'less' occurs and your expectations should reflect how to deal with it accordingly, McNulty tells WebMD. But unrealistic expectations can go both ways. People can be unrealistically negative, as well. If they expect things to be bad, when they are actually good, they don't take advantage of that. So lowering expectations is not good for everyone... Debbi who subscribes to the 'gourami fish theory' of mating That I would have to see ;-) Breeding gouramis can be a tricky issue though, as they can be aggressive towards and even kill the females. Usually, the female is allowed to settle into the tank first so that she adjusts without stress, and the male introduced later in a contained floater, so that they can watch each other but have no contact. Kinky This usually stimulates him to display and make bubbles, and her to go into heat, producing eggs (she will get plump, dull vertical stripes will get darker on her sides, and a small egg will appear to block her vent). Kinky and Alien If she is ready to mate and the male is not too aggressive in his pursuits (some males are just not mateable at all because they will beat up even females are responsive), Males can be bastards the two will embrace, almost in a death-like trance, under the bubblenest. After the female releases eggs and the male fertilizes them, he will pick the eggs up one-by-one in his mouth and deposit them into the nest. Real Kinky Unless you mean kissing gouramis, who do not build a bubble nest but just just start kissing along each others sides and get excited until thousands of sticky eggs are released and then fertized all over the tank. Messy, but if it was good for you... Perhaps this subscription to the gourami fish theory of mating relates to your lowered expectations? Gary - fishy maru ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
'Expect less, be happier...?'
One of the regular features of a late-night program (MadTV?) was commercials for the dating service Lowered Expectations. hums along with the ditty Lo and behold: http://my.webmd.com/content/Article/87/99315.htm?printing=true ...According to a new study in this month's Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the key is that your expectations of ever after must accurately reflect the abilities -- or lack thereof -- that you and your mate have in handling the relationship curveballs you'll face. For some couples, that means lowering expectations, and for others, raising them, researcher and psychologist James McNulty, PhD, of Ohio State University, tells WebMD. It depends on the skills you have, or don't have, at handling conflict. Marriage satisfaction goes down when a spouse's expectations don't fit with reality... ...The bottom line: Spouses who had higher expectations at the beginning of their marriage -- but poor skills to achieve those expectations -- showed steep declines in marital satisfaction over time. Less positive expectations however -- despite poor skills -- predicted a more stable satisfaction with the marriage over time. But that's not to say that all couples need to lower their expectations in order to reach the heights of marital satisfaction. It's not about settling for less; it's realizing that sometimes, 'less' occurs and your expectations should reflect how to deal with it accordingly, McNulty tells WebMD. But unrealistic expectations can go both ways. People can be unrealistically negative, as well. If they expect things to be bad, when they are actually good, they don't take advantage of that. So lowering expectations is not good for everyone... Debbi who subscribes to the 'gourami fish theory' of mating __ Do you Yahoo!? SBC Yahoo! - Internet access at a great low price. http://promo.yahoo.com/sbc/ ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
