Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
If you don't mind, I want to jump in and say something too. It has been 2 1/2 years now since TM. I have felt so strongly that I must be the only person in the US that got hit by TM. Granted, I have been very fortunate that I have the family and close friends I have. I love them dearly.That being said, it has meant the world to me to be able to open up to others who absolutely KNOW what I am going through and can even advise or at the very least, sympathize in a truly enlightened way.You guys rock!!! Janice - Original Message - From: jrushton To: Trudy Ogilvie ; tmic Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 12:00 PM Subject: Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded Thank you..that was beautiful...Jeanne ---Original Message--- From: Trudy Ogilvie Date: 5/15/2009 1:46:36 PM To: jeff bernier Cc: msersl...@yahoogroups.com; tmic-list@eskimo.com Subject: Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded After reading all the e-mails it just proves once again that total strangers - people you've never even met - can be such a driving force in your life. Where would we be without the List. To hear how people battle this disease is awe-inspiring... We share so much of our real feelings. It's here we are most ourselves and most truthful. Yes, I've been depressed, yes I have at times thought I could not go on, yes I have cried in the shower, yes I have problems with incontinence, yes I have wanted to scream at the top of my lungs - I am in PAIN, real pain, every single day -24 hours. Yes, I am so, so fatigued that I just cannot do one more thing today and yes, thank you, thank you that I have someplace to go where everyone understands - where I can vent - where I can share - where I can get the best and latest info about this disease that attacked me on Feb. 7, 2002 - My night from hell I can now walk with a walker and at times a cane. I do believe that I have improved and continue to improve. And I am also one of those who has a deep, absolute Faith in my Creator and I just want to thank all of you who are so caring and who take the time to welcome and reply to so many messages! You are the ones who make this List so awesome. Blessings! Trudy Ogilvie TM/MS 2/07/2002 Fairfax County, Va. SuperStock_1196-107.jpg
RE: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
JEFF: THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. IT SOUNDS THAT DESPITE ALL YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH, YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT. IT MAKES ME BELIEVE THAT I WILL ALSO SURVIVE. I WAS DIAGNOISED LAST JUNE, BUT I HAVE COME A LONG, LONG WAY SINCE THEN. IN THE BEGINNING, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME CRYING IN THE SHOWER SO NO ONE WOULD HEAR ME AND PLOT HOW I WOULD END MY LIFE. THE THOUGHT OF MY HUSBAND, GIRLS, AND GRANDDAUGHTERS IS WHAT PULLED ME THROUGH. I COULDN'T DO THAT TO THEM AND I AM GLAD I DIDN'T. I STILL HAVE MOMENTS WHEN I FEEL SO SORRY FOR MYSELF, BUT DO COME OUT OF IT. THE THROUGHT OF MS SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE SCARES ME TO DEATH, BUT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I WILL CROSS THAT BRIDGE IF AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS. I HAVE IMPROVED MORE THAN I EVER EXPECTED. I USE A WALKER, BUT CAN ALSO WALK AROUND THE HOUSE WITHOUT ANYTHING BY HOLDING ONTO FURNITURE AND WALLS WHEN NEEDED. I NEVER EVER EXPECTED THAT TO HAPPEN. I STILL HAVE HOPE FOR FURTHER IMPROVEMENT BUT ONLY TIME WILL TELL. I KNOW THAT WE ALL EXPERIENCE MANY OF THE SAME THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, AND I AM GLAD WE HAVE EACH OTHER TO VOICE THEM. THANKS AGAIN FOR SHARING. PATTI IN WISCONSIN From: jeff bernier [mailto:jeffsmokeea...@yahoo.com] Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 2:13 PM To: msersl...@yahoogroups.com; tmic-list@eskimo.com Subject: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded THIS IS MEANT TO BE A LITTLE ADVICE FOR ANYONE ON THE LIST THAT IS OR HAS,SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION AND REALLY AIMED AT THE NEWER DX MEMBERS HERE,MOST OF US THAT HAVE BEEN HERE AWHILE CAN ATTEST TO MY STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFULL SUNNY SAT MORNING FEB 5 2000,I WAS A FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC AT A STRUCTURE FIRE,I HAD MY CAREER GOING INTO FULL SWING AND WAS LOVING WHAT I WAS DOING,I FELT AS THOUGH I FOUND MY TRUE CALLING.AT 30 YEARS OLD WITH 12 YEARS ON THE JOB ALREADY,I HAD 4 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN AND A WIFE THATS I LOVED DEARLY,EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT.THEN CAME THE FALL,I WAS ENTERING A BUILDING AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON ONE STEP WITH ABOUT 70 LBS OF GEAR ON AND WENT BACKWARDS LANDING HARD ON MY HEELS AND COLLAPSING IN THE SNOW AND HAVING EVERYTHING TURN WHITE FROM MY FACE BEING BURRIED IN THE SNOW. I FELT A SHOCKWAVE GO UP MY SPINAL CHORD AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME,BECAUSE I HAD HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE,WITH IN WEEKS I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR AND DX WITH TRANSVERSE MYELITIS AND GETTING NO ANSWERS,IVE LEARNED THE FIRST YEAR IS TOTAL CONFUSION AND SPENT HOPING YOULL WALK AGAIN,THE SECOND YEAR IS THE WORST BECAUSE REALITY SETS IN AND YOU START TO REALISE THERES NO TURNING BACK AND YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,THATS WHEN I FOUND THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT HEY! THERE IS OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR CONDITIONS,I CREDIT THE MEMBERS OF THIS LIST AND MY CHILDREN FOR PREVENTING ME FROM TAKING MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERES MEMBERS ON HERE THAT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,ITS THE HUMAN RESPONSE WHEN YOUVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.ITS NOT WORTH IT,THERES SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. WELL HERE IS THE TWIST TO THIS STORY,I WAS DX WITH MS IN JUNE 2005 AND THIS BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW SET OF FEELINGS AND CONFUSION AND AGAIN I CAME BACK TO THIS LIST. LAST MOTHERSDAY MYSELF AND MY WIFE OF 16 YEARS SEPERATED AND MY HEART WAS CRUSHED,I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN HURT AND INTERNAL STRUGGLE BECAUSE I WAS DEALING WITH MY KIDS PAIN,THE HOUSE I WAS LIVING IN WAS PUT UP FOR SALE BY MY OWN FAMILY AND I WAS GIVEN 3 MONTHS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE 2 WEEKS AFTER THE SPLIT UP.IN OCTOBER IT FINALLY HIT ME FULL FORCE WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND I WENT BACK INTO A DEEP STATE OF DEPRESSION AND COULDNT FIND AWAY TO CLAW MYSELF OUT,I LOST 65 LBS AND MADE 13 TRIPS TO THE HOSPTIAL,BUT I BEAT IT AND THIS IS MY POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK,THERE IS SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO SO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND ITS ABOUT BEING TRUE YOURSELF AND THOSE THAT LOVE YOU. AS FOR ME IM OK AND GOING DAY BY DAY,IM STILL BEST FRIENDS WITH MY WIFE AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER,OUR KIDS ARE DOING GOOD AND COPING,I HAVE DAYS WHEN MEMORIES HIT,BUT IVE LEARNED METHODS TO COPE WITH IT.IF ANYONE ON THIS LIST NEEDS A VOICE OR SOMONE TO CHAT WITH.PLEASE CONTACT ME AT dsrtstr...@yahoo.com . DIPLOMACY DOES NOT WORK WHEN DEALING WITH NUT'S HELL BENT ON DESTROYING US.
RE: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
I thought I was the only one who used the shower to cry.I am with you - my family is my lifeline too. Thanks for sharing, Tami _ From: Patricia Cooley [mailto:patticoo...@wi.rr.com] Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 11:47 AM To: 'jeff bernier'; msersl...@yahoogroups.com; tmic-list@eskimo.com Subject: RE: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded JEFF: THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. IT SOUNDS THAT DESPITE ALL YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH, YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT. IT MAKES ME BELIEVE THAT I WILL ALSO SURVIVE. I WAS DIAGNOISED LAST JUNE, BUT I HAVE COME A LONG, LONG WAY SINCE THEN. IN THE BEGINNING, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME CRYING IN THE SHOWER SO NO ONE WOULD HEAR ME AND PLOT HOW I WOULD END MY LIFE. THE THOUGHT OF MY HUSBAND, GIRLS, AND GRANDDAUGHTERS IS WHAT PULLED ME THROUGH. I COULDN'T DO THAT TO THEM AND I AM GLAD I DIDN'T. I STILL HAVE MOMENTS WHEN I FEEL SO SORRY FOR MYSELF, BUT DO COME OUT OF IT. THE THROUGHT OF MS SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE SCARES ME TO DEATH, BUT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I WILL CROSS THAT BRIDGE IF AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS. I HAVE IMPROVED MORE THAN I EVER EXPECTED. I USE A WALKER, BUT CAN ALSO WALK AROUND THE HOUSE WITHOUT ANYTHING BY HOLDING ONTO FURNITURE AND WALLS WHEN NEEDED. I NEVER EVER EXPECTED THAT TO HAPPEN. I STILL HAVE HOPE FOR FURTHER IMPROVEMENT BUT ONLY TIME WILL TELL. I KNOW THAT WE ALL EXPERIENCE MANY OF THE SAME THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, AND I AM GLAD WE HAVE EACH OTHER TO VOICE THEM. THANKS AGAIN FOR SHARING. PATTI IN WISCONSIN From: jeff bernier [mailto:jeffsmokeea...@yahoo.com] Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 2:13 PM To: msersl...@yahoogroups.com; tmic-list@eskimo.com Subject: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded THIS IS MEANT TO BE A LITTLE ADVICE FOR ANYONE ON THE LIST THAT IS OR HAS,SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION AND REALLY AIMED AT THE NEWER DX MEMBERS HERE,MOST OF US THAT HAVE BEEN HERE AWHILE CAN ATTEST TO MY STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFULL SUNNY SAT MORNING FEB 5 2000,I WAS A FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC AT A STRUCTURE FIRE,I HAD MY CAREER GOING INTO FULL SWING AND WAS LOVING WHAT I WAS DOING,I FELT AS THOUGH I FOUND MY TRUE CALLING.AT 30 YEARS OLD WITH 12 YEARS ON THE JOB ALREADY,I HAD 4 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN AND A WIFE THATS I LOVED DEARLY,EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT.THEN CAME THE FALL,I WAS ENTERING A BUILDING AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON ONE STEP WITH ABOUT 70 LBS OF GEAR ON AND WENT BACKWARDS LANDING HARD ON MY HEELS AND COLLAPSING IN THE SNOW AND HAVING EVERYTHING TURN WHITE FROM MY FACE BEING BURRIED IN THE SNOW. I FELT A SHOCKWAVE GO UP MY SPINAL CHORD AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME,BECAUSE I HAD HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE,WITH IN WEEKS I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR AND DX WITH TRANSVERSE MYELITIS AND GETTING NO ANSWERS,IVE LEARNED THE FIRST YEAR IS TOTAL CONFUSION AND SPENT HOPING YOULL WALK AGAIN,THE SECOND YEAR IS THE WORST BECAUSE REALITY SETS IN AND YOU START TO REALISE THERES NO TURNING BACK AND YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,THATS WHEN I FOUND THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT HEY! THERE IS OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR CONDITIONS,I CREDIT THE MEMBERS OF THIS LIST AND MY CHILDREN FOR PREVENTING ME FROM TAKING MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERES MEMBERS ON HERE THAT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,ITS THE HUMAN RESPONSE WHEN YOUVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.ITS NOT WORTH IT,THERES SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. WELL HERE IS THE TWIST TO THIS STORY,I WAS DX WITH MS IN JUNE 2005 AND THIS BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW SET OF FEELINGS AND CONFUSION AND AGAIN I CAME BACK TO THIS LIST. LAST MOTHERSDAY MYSELF AND MY WIFE OF 16 YEARS SEPERATED AND MY HEART WAS CRUSHED,I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN HURT AND INTERNAL STRUGGLE BECAUSE I WAS DEALING WITH MY KIDS PAIN,THE HOUSE I WAS LIVING IN WAS PUT UP FOR SALE BY MY OWN FAMILY AND I WAS GIVEN 3 MONTHS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE 2 WEEKS AFTER THE SPLIT UP.IN OCTOBER IT FINALLY HIT ME FULL FORCE WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND I WENT BACK INTO A DEEP STATE OF DEPRESSION AND COULDNT FIND AWAY TO CLAW MYSELF OUT,I LOST 65 LBS AND MADE 13 TRIPS TO THE HOSPTIAL,BUT I BEAT IT AND THIS IS MY POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK,THERE IS SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO SO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND ITS ABOUT BEING TRUE YOURSELF AND THOSE THAT LOVE YOU. AS FOR ME IM OK AND GOING DAY BY DAY,IM STILL BEST FRIENDS WITH MY WIFE AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER,OUR KIDS ARE DOING GOOD AND COPING,I HAVE DAYS WHEN MEMORIES HIT,BUT IVE LEARNED METHODS TO COPE WITH IT.IF ANYONE ON THIS LIST NEEDS A VOICE OR SOMONE TO CHAT WITH.PLEASE CONTACT ME AT dsrtstr...@yahoo.com . DIPLOMACY DOES NOT WORK WHEN DEALING WITH NUT'S HELL BENT ON DESTROYING US.
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
JEFF, YOU REALLY BROUGHT UP A GOOD SUBJECT. I WROTE YOU PERSONALLY. THATS WHY OUR TM FAMILY IS SO GOOD. WORKING IN PHYS FOR SO MANY YEARS I SAW AND DEALT WITH SO MANY PATIENTS THAT CAME JUST FOR DEPRESSION. I DID NOT ALWAYS AGREE THAT ALL OF THE PATIENTS HAD TO BE ON SUCH A HIGH DOSE OF MEDS. THE ONES THAT THREATENED TO KILL THEMSELVES YES THEY NEEDED TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL AND WATCHED AND GET THE CARE THEY NEEDED. WHAT UPSET ME THE MOST WAS 1 PHYSCIATRIST HAD PATIENTS WHO HE HAD KEPT CHANGING THEIR MEDS . THESE PEOPLE HAD BEEN COMING TO SEE HIM FOR 5 TO 10 YEARS. I SAT IN MANY GROUP SESSIONS AND THEIR FAMILIES AS I THOUGHT THEY COULD TAPER THEM OFF THE MEDS. THEY WHERE NOT DEPRESSED ANYMORE. I TALKED TO THE DOCTOR ABOUT 2 OF THOSE PATIENTS AND I TOLD HIM WHAT THE PATIENT FELT AND THEIR FAMILY.ITS A WONDER I DID NOT GET FIRED. HE TOLD ME THEY STILL NEEDED HELP. THEY JUST NEEDED A SUPPORT GROUP. EVENTUALLY BOTH OF THEM GOT INTO SUPPORT GROUPS THEIR SOCIAL WORKER GOT FOR THEM. THATS WHY THIS SITE IS SO GREAT.WE ALL HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALOT SOME MORE THAN OTHERS. YOU CAN COME TO THIS SITE AND YOU KNOW WE ARE HERE FOR EACH OTHER. NEVER EVER GIVE UP. I WAS TOLD I WOULD NEVER WALK WELL I DO NOW WITH A WALKER SINCE MY SURGERY .I DO DRIVE BUT I CAN WALK AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A CANE ARE NOTHING HOLDING ON TO THE WALLS.AND FURNITURE. TM IS JUST A PART OF MY LIFE GOING ON 18 YEARS OCT.. 17. I WILL CELEBRATE ALL THE PROGRESS I HAVE MADE AND WATCHED MY GRANDKIDS GROW AND MY FAMILY IS JUST GREAT. LIFE GOES ON AND I AM BLESSED FOR THE THINGS I CAN DO AND I EACH YEAR I GO FOR ANOTHER GOAL .I COULD NOT DANCE IN OUR DANCING SCHOOL RECITALTHIS YEAR BECAUSE OF MY SURGERY, BUT NEXT YEAR I WILL, IT MIGHT BE ONE SLOW DANCE BUT I WOULD OF MADE THAT GOAL .I WAS TAKING HARP LESSONS BUT I STOPPED THAT FOR AWHILE, I PLAN ON GOING BACK TO DOING THAT. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WE CAN DO LIFE IS A GIFT DO WHAT YOU CAN BUT NEVER GIVE UP.! GOD BLESS US ALL TIAD PAM!!! **An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps! (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1221823239x1201398650/aol?redir=http://www.freecreditreport.com/pm/default.aspx?sc=668072hmpgID=62bcd=May Excfooter51509NO62)
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
After reading all the e-mails it just proves once again that total strangers - people you've never even met - can be such a driving force in your life. Where would we be without the List. To hear how people battle this disease is awe-inspiring... We share so much of our real feelings. It's here we are most ourselves and most truthful. Yes, I've been depressed, yes I have at times thought I could not go on, yes I have cried in the shower, yes I have problems with incontinence, yes I have wanted to scream at the top of my lungs - I am in PAIN, real pain, every single day -24 hours. Yes, I am so, so fatigued that I just cannot do one more thing today and yes, thank you, thank you that I have someplace to go where everyone understands - where I can vent - where I can share - where I can get the best and latest info about this disease that attacked me on Feb. 7, 2002 - My night from hell I can now walk with a walker and at times a cane. I do believe that I have improved and continue to improve. And I am also one of those who has a deep, absolute Faith in my Creator and I just want to thank all of you who are so caring and who take the time to welcome and reply to so many messages! You are the ones who make this List so awesome. Blessings! Trudy Ogilvie TM/MS 2/07/2002 Fairfax County, Va.
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
Thank you..that was beautiful...Jeanne ---Original Message--- From: Trudy Ogilvie Date: 5/15/2009 1:46:36 PM To: jeff bernier Cc: msersl...@yahoogroups.com; tmic-list@eskimo.com Subject: Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded After reading all the e-mails it just proves once again that total strangers - people you've never even met - can be such a driving force in your life. Where would we be without the List. To hear how people battle this disease is awe-inspiring... We share so much of our real feelings. It's here we are most ourselves and most truthful. Yes, I've been depressed, yes I have at times thought I could not go on, yes I have cried in the shower, yes I have problems with incontinence, yes I have wanted to scream at the top of my lungs - I am in PAIN, real pain, every single day -24 hours. Yes, I am so, so fatigued that I just cannot do one more thing today and yes, thank you, thank you that I have someplace to go where everyone understands - where I can vent - where I can share - where I can get the best and latest info about this disease that attacked me on Feb. 7, 2002 - My night from hell.. . I can now walk with a walker and at times a cane. I do believe that I have improved and continue to improve. And I am also one of those who has a deep, absolute Faith in my Creator and I just want to thank all of you who are so caring and who take the time to welcome and reply to so many messages! You are the ones who make this List so awesome. Blessings! Trudy Ogilvie TM/MS 2/07/2002 Fairfax County, Va. SuperStock_1196-107.jpg
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
This seems like a good time to send this.. Kim, TM, 10-04 , T-10 Through every trial and moment of pain, we stand together to help one another.Sometimes the hand of a stranger comes along and lifts up our hearts..Our responsibility is to continue that selfless act of love and pass on the comfort. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. -- Original message from jeff bernier jeffsmokeeater@yahoo.com: -- THIS IS MEANT TO BE A LITTLE ADVICE FOR ANYONE ON THE LIST THAT IS OR HAS,SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION AND REALLY AIMED AT THE NEWER DX MEMBERS HERE,MOST OF US THAT HAVE BEEN HERE AWHILE CAN ATTEST TO MY STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFULL SUNNY SAT MORNING FEB 5 2000,I WAS A FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC AT A STRUCTURE FIRE,I HAD MY CAREER GOING INTO FULL SWING AND WAS LOVING WHAT I WAS DOING,I FELT AS THOUGH I FOUND MY TRUE CALLING.AT 30 YEARS OLD WITH 12 YEARS ON THE JOB ALREADY,I HAD 4 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN AND A WIFE THATS I LOVED DEARLY,EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT.THEN CAME THE FALL,I WAS ENTERING A BUILDING AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON ONE STEP WITH ABOUT 70 LBS OF GEAR ON AND WENT BACKWARDS LANDING HARD ON MY HEELS AND COLLAPSING IN THE SNOW AND HAVING EVERYTHING TURN WHITE FROM MY FACE BEING BURRIED IN THE SNOW. I FELT A SHOCKWAVE GO UP MY SPINAL CHORD AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME,BECAUSE I HAD HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE,WITH IN WEEKS I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR AND DX WITH TRANSVERSE MYELITIS AND GETTING NO ANSWERS,IVE LEARNED THE FIRST YEAR IS TOTAL CONFUSION AND SPENT HOPING YOULL WALK AGAIN,THE SECOND YEAR IS THE WORST BECAUSE REALITY SETS IN AND YOU START TO REALISE THERES NO TURNING BACK AND YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,THATS WHEN I FOUND THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT HEY! THERE IS OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR CONDITIONS,I CREDIT THE MEMBERS OF THIS LIST AND MY CHILDREN FOR PREVENTING ME FROM TAKING MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERES MEMBERS ON HERE THAT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,ITS THE HUMAN RESPONSE WHEN YOUVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.ITS NOT WORTH IT,THERES SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. WELL HERE IS THE TWIST TO THIS STORY,I WAS DX WITH MS IN JUNE 2005 AND THIS BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW SET OF FEELINGS AND CONFUSION AND AGAIN I CAME BACK TO THIS LIST. LAST MOTHERSDAY MYSELF AND MY WIFE OF 16 YEARS SEPERATED AND MY HEART WAS CRUSHED,I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN HURT AND INTERNAL STRUGGLE BECAUSE I WAS DEALING WITH MY KIDS PAIN,THE HOUSE I WAS LIVING IN WAS PUT UP FOR SALE BY MY OWN FAMILY AND I WAS GIVEN 3 MONTHS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE 2 WEEKS AFTER THE SPLIT UP.IN OCTOBER IT FINALLY HIT ME FULL FORCE WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND I WENT BACK INTO A DEEP STATE OF DEPRESSION AND COULDNT FIND AWAY TO CLAW MYSELF OUT,I LOST 65 LBS AND MADE 13 TRIPS TO THE HOSPTIAL,BUT I BEAT IT AND THIS IS MY POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK,THERE IS SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO SO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND ITS ABOUT BEING TRUE YOURSELF AND THOSE THAT LOVE YOU. AS FOR ME IM OK AND GOING DAY BY DAY,IM STILL BEST FRIENDS WITH MY WIFE AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER,OUR KIDS ARE DOING GOOD AND COPING,I HAVE DAYS WHEN MEMORIES HIT,BUT IVE LEARNED METHODS TO COPE WITH IT.IF ANYONE ON THIS LIST NEEDS A VOICE OR SOMONE TO CHAT WITH.PLEASE CONTACT ME AT dsrtstr...@yahoo.com .DIPLOMACY DOES NOTWORK WHEN DEALING WITHNUT'S HELL BENT ONDESTROYING US.
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
Hi Jeff, Thank you for your very heartfelt letter. It takes a special person to be able to share these struggles with us - to completely bare your soul. Bless you. My personal opinion, for what it's worth, is that I believe there are many TMers, MSers here who may at one time or another had these very feelings - deep depression, feelings of despair. It is not unusual, but also not easy to admit it. There is NO shame in depression. On the TMA Message Forums under Depression, there are many many stories about what people have gone through and how they made it through. Jeff, you are an inspiration to all of us. It's wonderful that you have offered to be there for anyone of us who might need to talk. You're really a great guy! God Bless you Linda - Eagle,ID - Original Message - From: jeff berniermailto:jeffsmokeea...@yahoo.com To: msersl...@yahoogroups.commailto:msersl...@yahoogroups.com ; tmic-list@eskimo.commailto:tmic-list@eskimo.com Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 1:12 PM Subject: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded THIS IS MEANT TO BE A LITTLE ADVICE FOR ANYONE ON THE LIST THAT IS OR HAS,SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION AND REALLY AIMED AT THE NEWER DX MEMBERS HERE,MOST OF US THAT HAVE BEEN HERE AWHILE CAN ATTEST TO MY STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFULL SUNNY SAT MORNING FEB 5 2000,I WAS A FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC AT A STRUCTURE FIRE,I HAD MY CAREER GOING INTO FULL SWING AND WAS LOVING WHAT I WAS DOING,I FELT AS THOUGH I FOUND MY TRUE CALLING.AT 30 YEARS OLD WITH 12 YEARS ON THE JOB ALREADY,I HAD 4 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN AND A WIFE THATS I LOVED DEARLY,EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT.THEN CAME THE FALL,I WAS ENTERING A BUILDING AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON ONE STEP WITH ABOUT 70 LBS OF GEAR ON AND WENT BACKWARDS LANDING HARD ON MY HEELS AND COLLAPSING IN THE SNOW AND HAVING EVERYTHING TURN WHITE FROM MY FACE BEING BURRIED IN THE SNOW. I FELT A SHOCKWAVE GO UP MY SPINAL CHORD AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME,BECAUSE I HAD HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE,WITH IN WEEKS I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR AND DX WITH TRANSVERSE MYELITIS AND GETTING NO ANSWERS,IVE LEARNED THE FIRST YEAR IS TOTAL CONFUSION AND SPENT HOPING YOULL WALK AGAIN,THE SECOND YEAR IS THE WORST BECAUSE REALITY SETS IN AND YOU START TO REALISE THERES NO TURNING BACK AND YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,THATS WHEN I FOUND THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT HEY! THERE IS OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR CONDITIONS,I CREDIT THE MEMBERS OF THIS LIST AND MY CHILDREN FOR PREVENTING ME FROM TAKING MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERES MEMBERS ON HERE THAT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,ITS THE HUMAN RESPONSE WHEN YOUVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.ITS NOT WORTH IT,THERES SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. WELL HERE IS THE TWIST TO THIS STORY,I WAS DX WITH MS IN JUNE 2005 AND THIS BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW SET OF FEELINGS AND CONFUSION AND AGAIN I CAME BACK TO THIS LIST. LAST MOTHERSDAY MYSELF AND MY WIFE OF 16 YEARS SEPERATED AND MY HEART WAS CRUSHED,I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN HURT AND INTERNAL STRUGGLE BECAUSE I WAS DEALING WITH MY KIDS PAIN,THE HOUSE I WAS LIVING IN WAS PUT UP FOR SALE BY MY OWN FAMILY AND I WAS GIVEN 3 MONTHS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE 2 WEEKS AFTER THE SPLIT UP.IN OCTOBER IT FINALLY HIT ME FULL FORCE WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND I WENT BACK INTO A DEEP STATE OF DEPRESSION AND COULDNT FIND AWAY TO CLAW MYSELF OUT,I LOST 65 LBS AND MADE 13 TRIPS TO THE HOSPTIAL,BUT I BEAT IT AND THIS IS MY POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK,THERE IS SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO SO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND ITS ABOUT BEING TRUE YOURSELF AND THOSE THAT LOVE YOU. AS FOR ME IM OK AND GOING DAY BY DAY,IM STILL BEST FRIENDS WITH MY WIFE AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER,OUR KIDS ARE DOING GOOD AND COPING,I HAVE DAYS WHEN MEMORIES HIT,BUT IVE LEARNED METHODS TO COPE WITH IT.IF ANYONE ON THIS LIST NEEDS A VOICE OR SOMONE TO CHAT WITH.PLEASE CONTACT ME AT dsrtstr...@yahoo.commailto:dsrtstr...@yahoo.com . DIPLOMACY DOES NOT WORK WHEN DEALING WITH NUT'S HELL BENT ON DESTROYING US.
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK,THERE IS SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU AMEN! Thank you for sharing! --
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
Jeff, Thanks for opening up to us and making us feel we can do likewise. You can run the gamet with emotions with this disease, one of the worst being depression.It would be wonderful if we could all help each other. Emails like yours will make this much easier. Bless you and I hope we will be hearing from you often. Janice - Original Message - From: L T CHERPESKI To: msersl...@yahoogroups.com ; tmic-list@eskimo.com ; jeff bernier Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 8:33 PM Subject: Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded Hi Jeff, Thank you for your very heartfelt letter. It takes a special person to be able to share these struggles with us - to completely bare your soul. Bless you. My personal opinion, for what it's worth, is that I believe there are many TMers, MSers here who may at one time or another had these very feelings - deep depression, feelings of despair. It is not unusual, but also not easy to admit it. There is NO shame in depression. On the TMA Message Forums under Depression, there are many many stories about what people have gone through and how they made it through. Jeff, you are an inspiration to all of us. It's wonderful that you have offered to be there for anyone of us who might need to talk. You're really a great guy! God Bless you Linda - Eagle,ID - Original Message - From: jeff bernier To: msersl...@yahoogroups.com ; tmic-list@eskimo.com Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 1:12 PM Subject: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded THIS IS MEANT TO BE A LITTLE ADVICE FOR ANYONE ON THE LIST THAT IS OR HAS,SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION AND REALLY AIMED AT THE NEWER DX MEMBERS HERE,MOST OF US THAT HAVE BEEN HERE AWHILE CAN ATTEST TO MY STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFULL SUNNY SAT MORNING FEB 5 2000,I WAS A FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC AT A STRUCTURE FIRE,I HAD MY CAREER GOING INTO FULL SWING AND WAS LOVING WHAT I WAS DOING,I FELT AS THOUGH I FOUND MY TRUE CALLING.AT 30 YEARS OLD WITH 12 YEARS ON THE JOB ALREADY,I HAD 4 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN AND A WIFE THATS I LOVED DEARLY,EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT.THEN CAME THE FALL,I WAS ENTERING A BUILDING AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON ONE STEP WITH ABOUT 70 LBS OF GEAR ON AND WENT BACKWARDS LANDING HARD ON MY HEELS AND COLLAPSING IN THE SNOW AND HAVING EVERYTHING TURN WHITE FROM MY FACE BEING BURRIED IN THE SNOW. I FELT A SHOCKWAVE GO UP MY SPINAL CHORD AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME,BECAUSE I HAD HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE,WITH IN WEEKS I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR AND DX WITH TRANSVERSE MYELITIS AND GETTING NO ANSWERS,IVE LEARNED THE FIRST YEAR IS TOTAL CONFUSION AND SPENT HOPING YOULL WALK AGAIN,THE SECOND YEAR IS THE WORST BECAUSE REALITY SETS IN AND YOU START TO REALISE THERES NO TURNING BACK AND YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,THATS WHEN I FOUND THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT HEY! THERE IS OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR CONDITIONS,I CREDIT THE MEMBERS OF THIS LIST AND MY CHILDREN FOR PREVENTING ME FROM TAKING MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERES MEMBERS ON HERE THAT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,ITS THE HUMAN RESPONSE WHEN YOUVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.ITS NOT WORTH IT,THERES SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. WELL HERE IS THE TWIST TO THIS STORY,I WAS DX WITH MS IN JUNE 2005 AND THIS BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW SET OF FEELINGS AND CONFUSION AND AGAIN I CAME BACK TO THIS LIST. LAST MOTHERSDAY MYSELF AND MY WIFE OF 16 YEARS SEPERATED AND MY HEART WAS CRUSHED,I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN HURT AND INTERNAL STRUGGLE BECAUSE I WAS DEALING WITH MY KIDS PAIN,THE HOUSE I WAS LIVING IN WAS PUT UP FOR SALE BY MY OWN FAMILY AND I WAS GIVEN 3 MONTHS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE 2 WEEKS AFTER THE SPLIT UP.IN OCTOBER IT FINALLY HIT ME FULL FORCE WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND I WENT BACK INTO A DEEP STATE OF DEPRESSION AND COULDNT FIND AWAY TO CLAW MYSELF OUT,I LOST 65 LBS AND MADE 13 TRIPS TO THE HOSPTIAL,BUT I BEAT IT AND THIS IS MY POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK,THERE IS SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO SO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND ITS ABOUT BEING TRUE YOURSELF AND THOSE THAT LOVE YOU. AS FOR ME IM OK AND GOING DAY BY DAY,IM STILL BEST FRIENDS WITH MY WIFE AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER,OUR KIDS ARE DOING GOOD AND COPING,I HAVE DAYS WHEN MEMORIES HIT,BUT IVE LEARNED METHODS TO COPE WITH IT.IF ANYONE ON THIS LIST NEEDS A VOICE OR SOMONE TO CHAT WITH.PLEASE CONTACT ME AT dsrtstr...@yahoo.com . DIPLOMACY DOES NOT WORK WHEN DEALING WITH NUT'S HELL BENT ON DESTROYING US.
Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded
Jeff, for some reason I hadn't gotten your note until I got the one from Janice. Bless your heart for all you have gone through. I am so glad we are all together when any one of us have to go thru a rough time and it sounds like you've had more than your share. I am sorry for you for that. We are here for each other and especially the really rough times which we all have. Thank God for that. SincerelyJeanne ---Original Message--- From: Janice Date: 5/14/2009 10:26:02 PM To: L T CHERPESKI; msersl...@yahoogroups.com; tmic-list@eskimo.com; jeff bernier Subject: Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded Jeff, Thanks for opening up to us and making us feel we can do likewise. You can run the gamet with emotions with this disease, one of the worst being depression.It would be wonderful if we could all help each other. Emails like yours will make this much easier. Bless you and I hope we will be hearing from you often. Janice - Original Message - From: L T CHERPESKI To: msersl...@yahoogroups.com ; tmic-list@eskimo.com ; jeff bernier Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 8:33 PM Subject: Re: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded Hi Jeff, Thank you for your very heartfelt letter. It takes a special person to be able to share these struggles with us - to completely bare your soul. Bless you. My personal opinion, for what it's worth, is that I believe there are many TMers, MSers here who may at one time or another had these very feelings - deep depression, feelings of despair. It is not unusual, but also not easy to admit it. There is NO shame in depression. On the TMA Message Forums under Depression, there are many many stories about what people have gone through and how they made it through. Jeff, you are an inspiration to all of us. It's wonderful that you have offered to be there for anyone of us who might need to talk. You're really a great guy! God Bless you Linda - Eagle,ID - Original Message - From: jeff bernier To: msersl...@yahoogroups.com ; tmic-list@eskimo.com Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 1:12 PM Subject: [TMIC] DEPRESSION,READ MY STORY.long winded THIS IS MEANT TO BE A LITTLE ADVICE FOR ANYONE ON THE LIST THAT IS OR HAS SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION AND REALLY AIMED AT THE NEWER DX MEMBERS HERE,MOST OF US THAT HAVE BEEN HERE AWHILE CAN ATTEST TO MY STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFULL SUNNY SAT MORNING FEB 5 2000,I WAS A FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC AT A STRUCTURE FIRE,I HAD MY CAREER GOING INTO FULL SWING AND WAS LOVING WHAT I WAS DOING,I FELT AS THOUGH I FOUND MY TRUE CALLING.AT 30 YEARS OLD WITH 12 YEARS ON THE JOB ALREADY,I HAD 4 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN AND A WIFE THATS I LOVED DEARLY,EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT.THEN CAME THE FALL,I WAS ENTERING A BUILDING AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON ONE STEP WITH ABOUT 70 LBS OF GEAR ON AND WENT BACKWARDS LANDING HARD ON MY HEELS AND COLLAPSING IN THE SNOW AND HAVING EVERYTHING TURN WHITE FROM MY FACE BEING BURRIED IN THE SNOW. I FELT A SHOCKWAVE GO UP MY SPINAL CHORD AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME BECAUSE I HAD HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE,WITH IN WEEKS I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR AND DX WITH TRANSVERSE MYELITIS AND GETTING NO ANSWERS,IVE LEARNED THE FIRST YEAR IS TOTAL CONFUSION AND SPENT HOPING YOULL WALK AGAIN THE SECOND YEAR IS THE WORST BECAUSE REALITY SETS IN AND YOU START TO REALISE THERES NO TURNING BACK AND YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,THATS WHEN I FOUND THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT HEY! THERE IS OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR CONDITIONS,I CREDIT THE MEMBERS OF THIS LIST AND MY CHILDREN FOR PREVENTING ME FROM TAKING MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERES MEMBERS ON HERE THAT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,ITS THE HUMAN RESPONSE WHEN YOUVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.ITS NOT WORTH IT,THERES SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. WELL HERE IS THE TWIST TO THIS STORY,I WAS DX WITH MS IN JUNE 2005 AND THIS BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW SET OF FEELINGS AND CONFUSION AND AGAIN I CAME BACK TO THIS LIST. LAST MOTHERSDAY MYSELF AND MY WIFE OF 16 YEARS SEPERATED AND MY HEART WAS CRUSHED,I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN HURT AND INTERNAL STRUGGLE BECAUSE I WAS DEALING WITH MY KIDS PAIN,THE HOUSE I WAS LIVING IN WAS PUT UP FOR SALE BY MY OWN FAMILY AND I WAS GIVEN 3 MONTHS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE 2 WEEKS AFTER THE SPLIT UP.IN OCTOBER IT FINALLY HIT ME FULL FORCE WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND I WENT BACK INTO A DEEP STATE OF DEPRESSION AND COULDNT FIND AWAY TO CLAW MYSELF OUT,I LOST 65 LBS AND MADE 13 TRIPS TO THE HOSPTIAL,BUT I BEAT IT AND THIS IS MY POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK THERE IS SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO SO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND ITS ABOUT BEING TRUE YOURSELF AND THOSE THAT LOVE YOU. AS FOR ME IM OK AND GOING DAY BY DAY,IM STILL BEST FRIENDS WITH MY WIFE AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER
