THE WEDDING NIGHT
Paul and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon - so they go back to
Paul's Mum and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning Johnny - Paul's little brother - gets up and has his
breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school -
The bar was getting ready to close, so he asked the nearest woman: What would
you say to a little oral activity?
That all depends,... she quickly responded. ...Your face, or mine?
==
A young man said to his girlfriend's father, I realise that this is only a
After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the
following results on corporate America's recreation preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling.
3. The
A guy is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a hooker.
He asks, How much?
She says, Twenty bucks.
He says, All right!
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night he runs
into the same hooker. They go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunction.
One seventy-five year old woman says, I have this problem. I wake up every
morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.
An eighty-year-old woman says, My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit
there and
Diane buys a hundred goldfish. There are so many of them that she decides to
keep them in her bathtub. One day she invites her friend over to see all her
beautiful goldfish.
Lauren is impressed, and remarks, They surely are
beautiful, but what do you do when you want to take a bath?
Diane
There were two British blondes that were coming over the ocean to America by boat. They had both heard of the all-American food called a hotdog. They decided as soon as they reached the shore that they would run to the first hotdog stand they could find and order themselves one. As soon as
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, I have a headache.
Perfect her husband said. I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,... it's up to you!
The Blondes at the
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did
you get such a great bike? The second engineer replied, Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him.
His mom is taken by
A young girl asks her mother, Mommy, why is my name Petal?
Her mother smiles and replies, Darling, when you were born, a petal fell on
your head.
Oh, she replies.
One of her sons then asks her, Mom, why am I called Leaf?
She answers, Honey, when you were born, a little leaf fell on your head.
A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws a rope around the rock and ties it to his horse and pulls the rock off the man. The man, grateful as he is, tells the king that he's really a great sorcerer, and gives the king three
An elderly man went to the pharmacy with a prescription for Viagra 50mg. He
asked the pharmacist to cut the pills in half. The pharmacist replied Sir that
dosage won't be strong enough. The elderly man looked at the pharmacist and
said I just want it to stand up enough so I don't pee on my
After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole' boy finally goes with
her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the
preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!
The
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic
sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she hobbles the few feet across the
store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk:
Ddddooo
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the
only woman seated at the bar, he walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and
began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologised and explained, I'm sorry. I thought
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