And I learnt that chocolate spread is the result of an unholy nexus between capitalism and my children to get them to eat chocolate for breakfast. Just now. a moment back. When my 6 yr old asked for another slice of toast expanding his stomach size by 2.
Am only trying to live no. 6 in Thaths mail, if you found my learning too silly for your liking. I am a lurker, but have empathised with this chain so much its brought tears to my eyes. And I am not 40 yet (that doesn't tell you much I know). Thanks everyone. Dinesh On Wed, May 21, 2014 at 7:15 AM, Sudhakar Chandra <tha...@gmail.com> wrote: > What I've learned so far in my 40's: > > 1. This too shall pass. > > 2. Underneath our egos, fashion, persona, achievements, ideas and goals we > are all wet, naked, shivering, starving babies wanting to be hugged. > > 3. Don't believe every thought you have. > > 4. When seen from the frame of reference of the heat death of the universe, > almost everything is less serious than your mind makes it out to be. > > 5. It is almost universally better to have a nice walk than to argue with > somebody who disagrees with you on the internet. > > 6. The past is over. The future has not arrived yet. All you have is this. > very. moment. Try and live in it as much as you can. > > Thaths > > On Wed May 21 2014 at 3:00:46 PM, Danese Cooper <dan...@gmail.com> wrote: > > > Okay...here's my wisdom (at the age of 55). Re-reading before I hit > send, > > I realize some of this sounds relentlessly cheerful or optimistic and I > > want to preface by saying I have also suffered setbacks in my life that > > might have left me embittered (but wiser), but for whatever reason I am > > wired to minimize the troughs and revel in the peaks of life. I really > do > > believe that the journey is the reward and that I profit more from > taking a > > long view than chafing at short-term issues. Its all illusion anyway, > > invented to instruct my soul. If you got past this (and I'm sure there > are > > some on this list who are already rolling their eyes) then read ahead... > > > > 1. Its been said before, but "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "It's > nearly > > all small stuff" saved me from despair more than once along the road. > Well > > I remember the day (at Sun Microsystems) when in a heated debate it > > suddenly came to me that we were arguing with a passion we could better > put > > to use solving REAL problems. Since then my work motto has been "It's > only > > software". Likewise in my family life I try not to get too emotionally > > triggered when loved ones push my buttons. I can only control myself > after > > all, and for myself I choose to be happy. > > > > 2. "Use what you've been given". In the Game of Life, I believe there is > > no shame in exploiting your own talents to the best possible effect > (within > > your own moral framework, of course). So I am untroubled as a feminist > by > > the fact that my first three "real" jobs were absolutely given to me > > because the hiring manager fancied me ... I didn't feel I "owed" them any > > special attention as a result and was clear about that. I know this > point > > will upset some of my friends. I was also graced with the ability to > learn > > many things very quickly. I am therefore untroubled in accepting work > > where I don't "know" 100% of the skills required. This nuance may be > lost > > on male readers (we are told most men will apply for a job if they have > 60% > > of the skills described listed as "required" in a job posting, but most > > women will only apply if they have 100% of those skills ... I fall in the > > "male" camp here). > > > > 3. "Never Stop Learning". To the previous point ... the goal isn't to > > become accomplished enough to gain some level of mastery and then coast > > until you die. The goal is to stay open, flexible and learn all you can. > > To this end, take risks and challenge yourself to keep learning. "Use > It > > or Lose It" isn't just about your body, it also applies to cognition, > > capacity for joy, empathy, compassion and a host of other elements of > being > > an embodied soul. > > > > 4. Take a "How Hard Can It Be?" approach to everything. Often you can get > > further than you even dreamed if you forge ahead despite predictions that > > you will fail ... and often the goal you were shooting for turns out to > be > > incidental to the experience you gain. A companion to this advice is > "It's > > always better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission". The roll-up to > > both of these guidelines is that risk-takers may lose a given skirmish, > but > > at least they do so from an active self. > > > > 5. "Sleep Is NOT For Sissies". Your body will carry you further if you > > moderate all things (food, exercise, recreation and sleep). Your adrenals > > will crash if you burn the candle at both ends for too long, and it can > be > > a long road back to functional health if that happens. Take care of your > > body. Its the only one you'll be given this time around. > > > > > > On Sun, May 18, 2014 at 8:07 PM, Udhay Shankar N <ud...@pobox.com> > wrote: > > > > > This is a fun list. Please add your own discoveries here. > > > > > > Udhay > > > > > > > > > http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/03/01/opinion/sunday/ > > what-you-learn-in-your-40s.html > > > > > > • Eight hours of continuous, unmedicated sleep is one of life’s great > > > pleasures. Actually, scratch “unmedicated.” > > > > > > • There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but can > > > confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending > > > parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it > > > more confidently. > > > > > > • There are no soul mates. Not in the traditional sense, at least. In > > > my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates > > > walking the earth. (“Yes,” said a colleague, when I informed him of > > > this, “and I’m trying to sleep with all of them.”) In fact, “soul > > > mate” isn’t a pre-existing condition. It’s an earned title. They’re > > > made over time. > > > > > > • You will miss out on some near soul mates. This goes for > > > friendships, too. There will be unforgettable people with whom you > > > have shared an excellent evening or a few days. Now they live in Hong > > > Kong, and you will never see them again. That’s just how life is. > > > > > > • Emotional scenes are tiring and pointless. At a wedding many years > > > ago, an older British gentleman who found me sulking in a corner > > > helpfully explained that I was having a G.E.S. — a Ghastly Emotional > > > Scene. In your 40s, these no longer seem necessary. For starters, > > > you’re not invited to weddings anymore. And you and your partner know > > > your ritual arguments so well, you can have them in a tenth of the > > > time. > > > > > > • Forgive your exes, even the awful ones. They were just winging it, > too. > > > > > > • When you meet someone extremely charming, be cautious instead of > > > dazzled. By your 40s, you’ve gotten better at spotting narcissists > > > before they ruin your life. You know that “nice” isn’t a sufficient > > > quality for friendship, but it’s a necessary one. > > > > > > • People’s youthful quirks can harden into adult pathologies. What’s > > > adorable at 20 can be worrisome at 30 and dangerous at 40. Also, at > > > 40, you see the outlines of what your peers will look like when > > > they’re 70. > > > > > > • More about you is universal than not universal. My unscientific > > > assessment is that we are 95 percent cohort, 5 percent unique. Knowing > > > this is a bit of a disappointment, and a bit of a relief. > > > > > > • But you find your tribe. Jerry Seinfeld said in an interview last > > > year that his favorite part of the Emmy Awards was when the comedy > > > writers went onstage to collect their prize. “You see these gnome-like > > > cretins, just kind of all misshapen. And I go, ‘This is me. This is > > > who I am. That’s my group.’ ” By your 40s, you don’t want to be with > > > the cool people; you want to be with your people. > > > > > > • Just say “no.” Never suggest lunch with people you don’t want to > > > have lunch with. They will be much less disappointed than you think. > > > > > > • You don’t have to decide whether God exists. Maybe he does and maybe > > > he doesn’t. But when you’re already worrying that the National > > > Security Agency is reading your emails (and as a foreigner in France, > > > that you’re constantly breaking unspoken cultural rules), it’s better > > > not to know whether yet another entity is watching you. > > > > > > Finally, a few more tips gleaned from four decades of experience: > > > > > > • Do not buy those too-small jeans, on the expectation that you will > > > soon lose weight. > > > > > > • If you are invited to lunch with someone who works in the fashion > > > industry, do not wear your most “fashionable” outfit. Wear black. > > > > > > • If you like the outfit on the mannequin, buy exactly what’s on the > > > mannequin. Do not try to recreate the same look by yourself. > > > > > > • It’s O.K. if you don’t like jazz. > > > > > > • When you’re wondering whether she’s his daughter or his girlfriend, > > > she’s his girlfriend. > > > > > > • When you’re unsure if it’s a woman or a man, it’s a woman. > > > > > > Pamela Druckerman is the author of “Bringing Up Bébé: One American > > > Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting,” and a contributing > > > opinion writer. > > > > > > > > > -- > > > > > > ((Udhay Shankar N)) ((udhay @ pobox.com)) ((www.digeratus.com)) > > > > > > > > >
