Upon prodding by Udhay, here's a few things I can put together. These are entirely driven by my personal experience. YMMV.
I'm 48, and have been working since I was 17. Here's what I tell my friends and my eldest child, a boy of 16: 1. Marriage is obsolete. At least the sort of marriage favoured by many, involving mutual fidelity, a public ceremony involving parents and registrars, living together in closeness, parenting children, walking into the sunset hand in hand etc. All of these things may indeed happen and should happen if it comes naturally, but marriage is neither necessary nor sufficient nor indicated as a condition for any of these. One must resist urges by concerned parents and relatives to "get married", there is very little net positive from that ceremony and what follows that I can sense, with the potential exception of inheritance rights - which is easily solvable anyway with one line in your will. One must, however love with abandon, and experience the highs and lows of life with those that you love by your side. It's something else altogether. 2. Having children is awesome. I have three. The oldest is a wise-beyond-his-years 16. The youngest just turned one. It is something else to lie at floor level and see the ground as a crawling baby sees it, and a joy to see how a 3-year old begins to form words around thoughts that are more complex than the words he knows to express them in. I was too young to appreciate them when I first became a dad at 32. I cherish it more now. 3. Focus is over-rated, especially in all matters regarding career. Well-meaning folks advise you to super-specialise. I think I've done well by, inadvertently though, super-generalising. Having a shallow, superficial and simultaneous knowledge of programming language structures, discounted cash flow calculations, copywriting, travel hacks, subwoofer dynamics, IPO mechanics, company law, the lyrics of Roger Waters, bhut jokokia and access to influential friends across music, movies, startups, art and business communities have all helped me add a lot of value to people and companies I work with. Typically one starts with a broad liberal arts background and then successively specialises. I think the opposite approach is just as, if not more useful in life. 4. You can have enough money. You can't have enough time. My desire for more personal wealth started tapering off a while ago - and I've since sought out increasing swathes of time - not just in a few weeks more of vacation - but a few hours more in every day for "daily vacations". 5. Delegate, delegate, delegate. As a corollary, you can't get these swathes of time till you hand over day-to-day responsibility for things to others who will start off worse than you, but if you've picked them well, will end up executing better than you. 6. Keep a cash runway. I've gone through minor hell when I ended up dead-ass broke several times in the last 30 years by taking everything I've earned on a bet and then betting it on something else. Now I've socked away enough for a subsistence income if needed, and access to cash if needed. It's very freeing. Especially to bet the rest on the next big thing. 7. All forecasts are lies. Being involved somewhat with a few dozen companies, I can tell you all forecasts of revenues and margins are lies. I can't imagine how public companies give "guidance" every quarter, unless they're sand-bagging and fibbing and 'adjusting' big time. 8. I don't know if I can retire. Really. My $0.02 Mahesh 6. On Wed, May 21, 2014 at 12:07 PM, Din esh <dinesh.mad...@gmail.com> wrote: > And I learnt that chocolate spread is the result of an unholy nexus between > capitalism and my children to get them to eat chocolate for breakfast. Just > now. a moment back. When my 6 yr old asked for another slice of toast > expanding his stomach size by 2. > > Am only trying to live no. 6 in Thaths mail, if you found my learning too > silly for your liking. > > I am a lurker, but have empathised with this chain so much its brought > tears to my eyes. And I am not 40 yet (that doesn't tell you much I know). > Thanks everyone. > > Dinesh > > > On Wed, May 21, 2014 at 7:15 AM, Sudhakar Chandra <tha...@gmail.com> > wrote: > > > What I've learned so far in my 40's: > > > > 1. This too shall pass. > > > > 2. Underneath our egos, fashion, persona, achievements, ideas and goals > we > > are all wet, naked, shivering, starving babies wanting to be hugged. > > > > 3. Don't believe every thought you have. > > > > 4. When seen from the frame of reference of the heat death of the > universe, > > almost everything is less serious than your mind makes it out to be. > > > > 5. It is almost universally better to have a nice walk than to argue with > > somebody who disagrees with you on the internet. > > > > 6. The past is over. The future has not arrived yet. All you have is > this. > > very. moment. Try and live in it as much as you can. > > > > Thaths > > > > On Wed May 21 2014 at 3:00:46 PM, Danese Cooper <dan...@gmail.com> > wrote: > > > > > Okay...here's my wisdom (at the age of 55). Re-reading before I hit > > send, > > > I realize some of this sounds relentlessly cheerful or optimistic and I > > > want to preface by saying I have also suffered setbacks in my life that > > > might have left me embittered (but wiser), but for whatever reason I am > > > wired to minimize the troughs and revel in the peaks of life. I really > > do > > > believe that the journey is the reward and that I profit more from > > taking a > > > long view than chafing at short-term issues. Its all illusion anyway, > > > invented to instruct my soul. If you got past this (and I'm sure there > > are > > > some on this list who are already rolling their eyes) then read > ahead... > > > > > > 1. Its been said before, but "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "It's > > nearly > > > all small stuff" saved me from despair more than once along the road. > > Well > > > I remember the day (at Sun Microsystems) when in a heated debate it > > > suddenly came to me that we were arguing with a passion we could better > > put > > > to use solving REAL problems. Since then my work motto has been "It's > > only > > > software". Likewise in my family life I try not to get too emotionally > > > triggered when loved ones push my buttons. I can only control myself > > after > > > all, and for myself I choose to be happy. > > > > > > 2. "Use what you've been given". In the Game of Life, I believe there > is > > > no shame in exploiting your own talents to the best possible effect > > (within > > > your own moral framework, of course). So I am untroubled as a feminist > > by > > > the fact that my first three "real" jobs were absolutely given to me > > > because the hiring manager fancied me ... I didn't feel I "owed" them > any > > > special attention as a result and was clear about that. I know this > > point > > > will upset some of my friends. I was also graced with the ability to > > learn > > > many things very quickly. I am therefore untroubled in accepting work > > > where I don't "know" 100% of the skills required. This nuance may be > > lost > > > on male readers (we are told most men will apply for a job if they have > > 60% > > > of the skills described listed as "required" in a job posting, but most > > > women will only apply if they have 100% of those skills ... I fall in > the > > > "male" camp here). > > > > > > 3. "Never Stop Learning". To the previous point ... the goal isn't to > > > become accomplished enough to gain some level of mastery and then coast > > > until you die. The goal is to stay open, flexible and learn all you > can. > > > To this end, take risks and challenge yourself to keep learning. "Use > > It > > > or Lose It" isn't just about your body, it also applies to cognition, > > > capacity for joy, empathy, compassion and a host of other elements of > > being > > > an embodied soul. > > > > > > 4. Take a "How Hard Can It Be?" approach to everything. Often you can > get > > > further than you even dreamed if you forge ahead despite predictions > that > > > you will fail ... and often the goal you were shooting for turns out to > > be > > > incidental to the experience you gain. A companion to this advice is > > "It's > > > always better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission". The roll-up > to > > > both of these guidelines is that risk-takers may lose a given skirmish, > > but > > > at least they do so from an active self. > > > > > > 5. "Sleep Is NOT For Sissies". Your body will carry you further if you > > > moderate all things (food, exercise, recreation and sleep). Your > adrenals > > > will crash if you burn the candle at both ends for too long, and it can > > be > > > a long road back to functional health if that happens. Take care of > your > > > body. Its the only one you'll be given this time around. > > > > > > > > > On Sun, May 18, 2014 at 8:07 PM, Udhay Shankar N <ud...@pobox.com> > > wrote: > > > > > > > This is a fun list. Please add your own discoveries here. > > > > > > > > Udhay > > > > > > > > > > > > http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/03/01/opinion/sunday/ > > > what-you-learn-in-your-40s.html > > > > > > > > • Eight hours of continuous, unmedicated sleep is one of life’s great > > > > pleasures. Actually, scratch “unmedicated.” > > > > > > > > • There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but > can > > > > confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending > > > > parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it > > > > more confidently. > > > > > > > > • There are no soul mates. Not in the traditional sense, at least. In > > > > my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates > > > > walking the earth. (“Yes,” said a colleague, when I informed him of > > > > this, “and I’m trying to sleep with all of them.”) In fact, “soul > > > > mate” isn’t a pre-existing condition. It’s an earned title. They’re > > > > made over time. > > > > > > > > • You will miss out on some near soul mates. This goes for > > > > friendships, too. There will be unforgettable people with whom you > > > > have shared an excellent evening or a few days. Now they live in Hong > > > > Kong, and you will never see them again. That’s just how life is. > > > > > > > > • Emotional scenes are tiring and pointless. At a wedding many years > > > > ago, an older British gentleman who found me sulking in a corner > > > > helpfully explained that I was having a G.E.S. — a Ghastly Emotional > > > > Scene. In your 40s, these no longer seem necessary. For starters, > > > > you’re not invited to weddings anymore. And you and your partner know > > > > your ritual arguments so well, you can have them in a tenth of the > > > > time. > > > > > > > > • Forgive your exes, even the awful ones. They were just winging it, > > too. > > > > > > > > • When you meet someone extremely charming, be cautious instead of > > > > dazzled. By your 40s, you’ve gotten better at spotting narcissists > > > > before they ruin your life. You know that “nice” isn’t a sufficient > > > > quality for friendship, but it’s a necessary one. > > > > > > > > • People’s youthful quirks can harden into adult pathologies. What’s > > > > adorable at 20 can be worrisome at 30 and dangerous at 40. Also, at > > > > 40, you see the outlines of what your peers will look like when > > > > they’re 70. > > > > > > > > • More about you is universal than not universal. My unscientific > > > > assessment is that we are 95 percent cohort, 5 percent unique. > Knowing > > > > this is a bit of a disappointment, and a bit of a relief. > > > > > > > > • But you find your tribe. Jerry Seinfeld said in an interview last > > > > year that his favorite part of the Emmy Awards was when the comedy > > > > writers went onstage to collect their prize. “You see these > gnome-like > > > > cretins, just kind of all misshapen. And I go, ‘This is me. This is > > > > who I am. That’s my group.’ ” By your 40s, you don’t want to be with > > > > the cool people; you want to be with your people. > > > > > > > > • Just say “no.” Never suggest lunch with people you don’t want to > > > > have lunch with. They will be much less disappointed than you think. > > > > > > > > • You don’t have to decide whether God exists. Maybe he does and > maybe > > > > he doesn’t. But when you’re already worrying that the National > > > > Security Agency is reading your emails (and as a foreigner in France, > > > > that you’re constantly breaking unspoken cultural rules), it’s better > > > > not to know whether yet another entity is watching you. > > > > > > > > Finally, a few more tips gleaned from four decades of experience: > > > > > > > > • Do not buy those too-small jeans, on the expectation that you will > > > > soon lose weight. > > > > > > > > • If you are invited to lunch with someone who works in the fashion > > > > industry, do not wear your most “fashionable” outfit. Wear black. > > > > > > > > • If you like the outfit on the mannequin, buy exactly what’s on the > > > > mannequin. Do not try to recreate the same look by yourself. > > > > > > > > • It’s O.K. if you don’t like jazz. > > > > > > > > • When you’re wondering whether she’s his daughter or his girlfriend, > > > > she’s his girlfriend. > > > > > > > > • When you’re unsure if it’s a woman or a man, it’s a woman. > > > > > > > > Pamela Druckerman is the author of “Bringing Up Bébé: One American > > > > Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting,” and a contributing > > > > opinion writer. > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > > > > > > > ((Udhay Shankar N)) ((udhay @ pobox.com)) ((www.digeratus.com)) > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
