Nancy, Given your institution's policies, you had no choice but to drop her if she did not show up. I expect she had the same experience in multiple classes if she was out of town for a funeral, which probably adds to her stress but should send her a clear message that this is what happens at this institution.
Now if yours was the only class she missed and was dropped from, that raises a new set of questions, doesn't it? If she were out of town, wouldn't she have missed multiple classes? Just asking. . . . I think you were most kind and generous to offer to reinstate her. But I know how rigid the rules about attendance can be at two-year institutions. I learned recently that in Florida, students who miss more than a certain number of classes must be withdrawn by the instructor, even if the student is doing well in the class. Something about the regulations related to financial aid awards at 2-year schools. (The four-year schools don't have this policy, so it came as quite a surprise to me when this matter came up in a faculty development activity that involved multiple people from 2-year schools.) Perhaps if you had reinforced the message that this was not entirely your decision by telling her you would *attempt* to get her reinstated, assuming you could persuade the registrar or whoever to accept her documentation, you might have gotten a less hostile response. (And it would have saved you some additional grief if your attempts to reinstate her hit a bureaucratic wall.) But I wouldn't guarantee that! :-) Claudia BTW Anyone else on TIPS not getting all of the messages? I received Tim's response but never saw Nancy's question. I even looked in my spam filter. And no, I do not have a special filter set for Nancy! :-) _____________________________________________ Claudia J. Stanny, Ph.D. Director Center for University Teaching, Learning, and Assessment University of West Florida Pensacola, FL 32514 Phone: (850) 857-6355 (direct) or 473-7435 (CUTLA) csta...@uwf.edu CUTLA Web Site: http://uwf.edu/offices/cutla/ <http://uwf.edu/cutla/> Personal Web Pages: http://uwf.edu/cstanny/website/index.htm On Mon, Sep 1, 2014 at 10:05 PM, Tim Shearon <tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu> wrote: > > > > > > > Nancy > > Short version- you are doing the right thing and it’s her environmental > factors and lack of self-reflection that lead to her response. (I.e., it’s > her – not you) > > > > Long version: I’ve had exactly the same thing happen – even getting abuse > from a parent for being “heartless in their time of need”. My syllabus > stated that if you must miss you MUST notify me at the earliest possible > time (she waited a week and a half). And it clearly stated that if you have > to miss an exam due to an emergency you will not be allowed to make it up > if you wait past the day of the exam to notify me- for any reason. Because > I believed her but was trying to remain fair to the other students, I > emailed her that she could give me a name and town and I’d be happy to just > look it up in lieu of actually asking her to print the obituary out. She > replied that I was being cruel. I did not take the bait but explained that > I was being fair to the others and going beyond the syllabus to accommodate > her. That’s when her dad emailed and voice mailed me to tell me what a cad > I was and “how would you feel”? Still didn’t defend myself but called him > to explain the situation. He finally said, “I guess we all get a bit testy > at these times.” Grief. Assuming she’s being honest and not deflecting at > being pushed to defend an untruth, I think you are being fair and she’s > grieving but not reflecting on her behavior enough to recognize that her > emotions come largely from that and not from you. You are, I think, being > fair with her. > > Tim > > > > _______________________________ > > Timothy O. Shearon, PhD > > Professor, Department of Psychology > > The College of Idaho > > Caldwell, ID 83605 > > email: tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu > > > > teaching: intro to neuropsychology; psychopharmacology; general; history > and systems > > > > > > > > *From:* drnanjo [mailto:drna...@aol.com] > *Sent:* Monday, September 01, 2014 8:43 PM > *To:* Teaching in the Psychological Sciences (TIPS) > *Subject:* Re: [tips] The season of the deceased grandparent > > > > > > > > > > > > Hello everyone - > > Hope you had a nice summer and holiday weekend. > > So, I need to know if my two choices in a matter are the dichotomy of > total patsy and heartless b-word. > > As I've often joked to students, May and December are bad times for > grandparents (and other distant relatives) who seem to expire in droves > right in time to make it impossible to sit for a final or complete a term > project. > > A close second is the first class of the term...at community colleges, you > must show up on the first day to keep your seat, otherwise according to > regs we can (and must) give your seat away...to one of what is usually many > students on a long wait list. > > SO...I had a student not show this week and when she finally contacted me > I'd already dropped her. She said her grandmother had died. I said, I > dropped you but if you can verify the story I'll reinstate you. And I got a > fairly abusive email back. > > I suppose my main mistake was not simply saying "you are dropped" BUT I > thought (perhaps wrongly) that I was giving her a chance if she was > truthful. Now in retrospect it just seems like I should have said "too > bad.' I suppose it might have also seemed just as heartless as "Too bad." I > don't know. I hate being played. And I hate being mean. Avoid-avoid > conflict. > > I also suppose I am experiencing a certain amount of burnout due to many > environmental factors...not just students but other aspects of the current > state of my work environment. So this is probably a tendril extended for > support as well as to find out a little more about how you all react to and > handle the dead fill-in-the-distant relative of your choice, all-purpose > vague but serious-sounding "family emergency" and the rest of the excuse > tropes. > > Welcome back. > > Thanks. > > Nancy Melucci > Long Beach CIty College > Long Beach CA > > --- > > You are currently subscribed to tips as: tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu. > > To unsubscribe click here: > http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b177a&n=T&l=tips&o=38171 > > (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) > > or send a blank email to > leave-38171-13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b1...@fsulist.frostburg.edu > > > > > > --- > > You are currently subscribed to tips as: csta...@uwf.edu. > > To unsubscribe click here: > http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13144.1572ed60024e708cf21c4c6f19e7d550&n=T&l=tips&o=38172 > > (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) > > or send a blank email to > leave-38172-13144.1572ed60024e708cf21c4c6f19e7d...@fsulist.frostburg.edu > > > > > --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: arch...@jab.org. 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