When a student tells me that he or she will miss classes because of the death of X, I will often send a sympathy card home. It’s often appreciated. But I can imagine that in some cases it might raise the issue of why I think that someone has died. I figure it’s a win-win situation.
Adams, Mike (1990). The Dead Grandmother/Exam Syndrome and the Potential Downfall of American Society. http://www.easternct.edu/~adams/ Enjoy! Hugh On Sep 3, 2014, at 4:39 PM, Jeffry Ricker <jeff.ric...@scottsdalecc.edu<mailto:jeff.ric...@scottsdalecc.edu>> wrote: Hi all, I have required proof of the death of a family member for a long time now. I do this because, years ago, a student told me that he had missed a test in my class because his grandmother had died; and then several weeks later, in another instructor's class, he missed a test because (he told the instructor) that grandmother died! Apparently, she rose from the dead after the first funeral, only to die a short time later. The poor lady! Caron, Whitbourne, & Halgin (1992) looked at fraudulent versus "legitimate" excuse-making, and found no difference in the frequency of these among college students. One difference they did find, however, "is the greater number of fraudulent excuses claiming that there was a family emergency" (p. 91). On the other hand, legitimate excuses were more likely than fraudulent ones to involve the death of a grandparent. Go figure. I seem to remember another paper, mentioned on TIPS a long time ago, showing that grandparents are more likely to die just before test days. Is this a false memory? Best, Jeff Reference Caron, M. D., Whitbourne, S. K., & Halgin, R. P. (1992). Fraudulent excuse making among college students. Teaching of Psychology, 19, 90-93 On Tue, Sep 2, 2014 at 5:49 AM, Beth Benoit <beth.ben...@gmail.com<mailto:beth.ben...@gmail.com>> wrote: Claudia and others, I didn't receive Nancy Melucci's initial post either, but read it at the bottom of Tim's reply. I don't recall this happening before, so hope it's just a quirk. Or maybe that's what happened to two previous posts of mine that got no replies? Beth Benoit Plymouth State University New Hampshire On Mon, Sep 1, 2014 at 11:51 PM, Claudia Stanny <csta...@uwf.edu<mailto:csta...@uwf.edu>> wrote: Nancy, Given your institution's policies, you had no choice but to drop her if she did not show up. I expect she had the same experience in multiple classes if she was out of town for a funeral, which probably adds to her stress but should send her a clear message that this is what happens at this institution. Now if yours was the only class she missed and was dropped from, that raises a new set of questions, doesn't it? If she were out of town, wouldn't she have missed multiple classes? Just asking. . . . I think you were most kind and generous to offer to reinstate her. But I know how rigid the rules about attendance can be at two-year institutions. I learned recently that in Florida, students who miss more than a certain number of classes must be withdrawn by the instructor, even if the student is doing well in the class. Something about the regulations related to financial aid awards at 2-year schools. (The four-year schools don't have this policy, so it came as quite a surprise to me when this matter came up in a faculty development activity that involved multiple people from 2-year schools.) Perhaps if you had reinforced the message that this was not entirely your decision by telling her you would attempt to get her reinstated, assuming you could persuade the registrar or whoever to accept her documentation, you might have gotten a less hostile response. (And it would have saved you some additional grief if your attempts to reinstate her hit a bureaucratic wall.) But I wouldn't guarantee that! :-) Claudia BTW Anyone else on TIPS not getting all of the messages? I received Tim's response but never saw Nancy's question. I even looked in my spam filter. And no, I do not have a special filter set for Nancy! :-) _____________________________________________ Claudia J. Stanny, Ph.D. Director Center for University Teaching, Learning, and Assessment University of West Florida Pensacola, FL 32514 Phone: (850) 857-6355<tel:%28850%29%20857-6355> (direct) or 473-7435 (CUTLA) csta...@uwf.edu<mailto:csta...@uwf.edu> CUTLA Web Site: http://uwf.edu/offices/cutla/<http://uwf.edu/cutla/> Personal Web Pages: http://uwf.edu/cstanny/website/index.htm On Mon, Sep 1, 2014 at 10:05 PM, Tim Shearon <tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu<mailto:tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu>> wrote: Nancy Short version- you are doing the right thing and it’s her environmental factors and lack of self-reflection that lead to her response. (I.e., it’s her – not you) Long version: I’ve had exactly the same thing happen – even getting abuse from a parent for being “heartless in their time of need”. My syllabus stated that if you must miss you MUST notify me at the earliest possible time (she waited a week and a half). And it clearly stated that if you have to miss an exam due to an emergency you will not be allowed to make it up if you wait past the day of the exam to notify me- for any reason. Because I believed her but was trying to remain fair to the other students, I emailed her that she could give me a name and town and I’d be happy to just look it up in lieu of actually asking her to print the obituary out. She replied that I was being cruel. I did not take the bait but explained that I was being fair to the others and going beyond the syllabus to accommodate her. That’s when her dad emailed and voice mailed me to tell me what a cad I was and “how would you feel”? Still didn’t defend myself but called him to explain the situation. He finally said, “I guess we all get a bit testy at these times.” Grief. Assuming she’s being honest and not deflecting at being pushed to defend an untruth, I think you are being fair and she’s grieving but not reflecting on her behavior enough to recognize that her emotions come largely from that and not from you. You are, I think, being fair with her. Tim _______________________________ Timothy O. Shearon, PhD Professor, Department of Psychology The College of Idaho Caldwell, ID 83605 email: tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu<mailto:tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu> teaching: intro to neuropsychology; psychopharmacology; general; history and systems From: drnanjo [mailto:drna...@aol.com<mailto:drna...@aol.com>] Sent: Monday, September 01, 2014 8:43 PM To: Teaching in the Psychological Sciences (TIPS) Subject: Re: [tips] The season of the deceased grandparent Hello everyone - Hope you had a nice summer and holiday weekend. So, I need to know if my two choices in a matter are the dichotomy of total patsy and heartless b-word. As I've often joked to students, May and December are bad times for grandparents (and other distant relatives) who seem to expire in droves right in time to make it impossible to sit for a final or complete a term project. A close second is the first class of the term...at community colleges, you must show up on the first day to keep your seat, otherwise according to regs we can (and must) give your seat away...to one of what is usually many students on a long wait list. SO...I had a student not show this week and when she finally contacted me I'd already dropped her. She said her grandmother had died. I said, I dropped you but if you can verify the story I'll reinstate you. And I got a fairly abusive email back. I suppose my main mistake was not simply saying "you are dropped" BUT I thought (perhaps wrongly) that I was giving her a chance if she was truthful. Now in retrospect it just seems like I should have said "too bad.' I suppose it might have also seemed just as heartless as "Too bad." I don't know. I hate being played. And I hate being mean. Avoid-avoid conflict. I also suppose I am experiencing a certain amount of burnout due to many environmental factors...not just students but other aspects of the current state of my work environment. So this is probably a tendril extended for support as well as to find out a little more about how you all react to and handle the dead fill-in-the-distant relative of your choice, all-purpose vague but serious-sounding "family emergency" and the rest of the excuse tropes. Welcome back. Thanks. Nancy Melucci Long Beach CIty College Long Beach CA --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu<mailto:tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu>. To unsubscribe click here: http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b177a&n=T&l=tips&o=38171 (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) or send a blank email to leave-38171-13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b1...@fsulist.frostburg.edu<mailto:leave-38171-13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b1...@fsulist.frostburg.edu> --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: csta...@uwf.edu<mailto:csta...@uwf.edu>. To unsubscribe click here: http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13144.1572ed60024e708cf21c4c6f19e7d550&n=T&l=tips&o=38172 (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) or send a blank email to leave-38172-13144.1572ed60024e708cf21c4c6f19e7d...@fsulist.frostburg.edu<mailto:leave-38172-13144.1572ed60024e708cf21c4c6f19e7d...@fsulist.frostburg.edu> --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: beth.ben...@gmail.com<mailto:beth.ben...@gmail.com>. To unsubscribe click here: http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13105.b9b37cdd198e940b73969ea6ba7aaf72&n=T&l=tips&o=38173 (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) or send a blank email to leave-38173-13105.b9b37cdd198e940b73969ea6ba7aa...@fsulist.frostburg.edu<mailto:leave-38173-13105.b9b37cdd198e940b73969ea6ba7aa...@fsulist.frostburg.edu> --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: jeff.ric...@scottsdalecc.edu<mailto:jeff.ric...@scottsdalecc.edu>. To unsubscribe click here: http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=244790.b8b4461caf9626e16ed176ff3e555e55&n=T&l=tips&o=38180 (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) or send a blank email to leave-38180-244790.b8b4461caf9626e16ed176ff3e555...@fsulist.frostburg.edu<mailto:leave-38180-244790.b8b4461caf9626e16ed176ff3e555...@fsulist.frostburg.edu> -- -- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jeffry Ricker, Ph.D. Professor of Psychology --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scottsdale Community College 9000 E. Chaparral Road Scottsdale, AZ 85256-2626 Office: SB-123 Phone: (480) 423-6213 Fax: (480) 423-6298 --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: hfo...@skidmore.edu<mailto:hfo...@skidmore.edu>. To unsubscribe click here: http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13238.0e762b65028402721e10bbc97ede52b7&n=T&l=tips&o=38192 (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) or send a blank email to leave-38192-13238.0e762b65028402721e10bbc97ede5...@fsulist.frostburg.edu<mailto:leave-38192-13238.0e762b65028402721e10bbc97ede5...@fsulist.frostburg.edu> -------------------------------------------------- Hugh J. Foley Department of Psychology Skidmore College Saratoga Springs, NY 12866 518-580-5308 http://www.skidmore.edu/~hfoley -------------------------------------------------- "And I still don't know if I'm a falcon, a storm, or an unfinished song." Rilke -------------------------------------------------- --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: arch...@jab.org. 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