Gracie, No need for you to feel "funny" about posting re: sex. I feel the same way as you do. Losing the desire for sex as well as the physical ability (all the dust balls and spider webs) inside there makes me feel much less than a woman than I certainly used to. However, Something happened this week that surprised the heck out of me and Dave. We went out, after a couple of years, and sought out my previous hairstylist, found her and I had my hair colored blond and then highlighted on top of that and Dave got his cut which blended the white in so that it looked very nice on him. We both found ourselves looking better, feeling like dressing better...he shaved and I put on make-up for the first time in a long time. It is really nice to feel pretty again for Dave and he says he feels the same way. It made us have feelings that we hadn't had in a long while and as the saying goes, "where there is a will, there is a way." So, without going into details, "a good time was had by all" and now I find myself keeping up with my makeup and making an effort to get dressed and get out of bed, which does take some effort. Well, my dear friend, you take care...don't let yourself get too far down today, and remember that Pam is all around you all of the time as I feel her near my side especially when I am working on a project I know that we both would enjoy doing together. I love you, Jude In a message dated 6/24/2009 6:48:26 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, grace...@gmail.com writes:
I can't believe that I am going to reply to this, as it's an issue that I just try hard to avoid, but..... okay, so here goes. During my first NMO hit, I lost all feeling *there*. At first I was hopeful that it would slowly come back, but my second bad hit sealed the deal. I can remember lying in my hospital bed trying to get up the nerve to speak with my doc about it. Finally one day I mentioned it in passing, but didn't really press the matter---I was too embarrassed. Later that night, one of my neuro nurses came in to sit and talk with me about the disease, as I was her first NMO patient. We talked a lot about nerves and nerve damage, and as I was very savvy re: the implications of having relapsing NMO, we spoke freely. (She's amazing, and I've since had her as my nurse in the neuro ward, many times.) Finally, I just took a big swallow and blurted it out. She told me the truth, that in my case it was unlikely that feeling would return, but that one should still keep hoping that one day there would be some increase in sensation. She was correct---I have been numb from my sensory level downwards since 2005. Most of my body still feels as if it has been shot up with Novocaine. Anyways, I was shell shocked and actually mourned the loss. To lose something that is so integral to one's life, is a violation of sorts. It was bad enough that I had no control over my other bodily functions, but the loss of physical sexuality was adding insult to injury. I felt as if I had lost my *person-hood*, and had suddenly become androgynous. I still fight those feelings, and yes, sometimes I still cry about it. Sexual contact offers an intimacy like no other. Some of us are more sexual than others, and the loss can often be the cruelest cut of all. These days I try hard not to ever even think about it. Whenever I do, I become extremely angry at what I perceive to be the unfairness of it all, and I lose sight of what I do still have. I should be very grateful for every day that I draw a breath---unfortunately, sometimes the negative feelings get the better of me. For me, it's been a tough loss to deal with. Okay, signing off before I totally embarrass myself. Grace **************An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps! (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1222585065x1201462786/aol?redir=http://www.freecreditreport.com/pm/default.aspx?sc=668072&hmpgID=62&bcd=Jun eExcfooterNO62)
