Re: girls and adolt women
Greetings all. So as not to risk immediate changes to my outlook/perception, I'd better post now while I'm in an almost null state.
Lust? Got it in spades and the older I get, the stronger it becomes; I'm 29 going on 30, I even lust after those I hate with a passion regardless of how they are physically. Love? It has taken me 20 years to come to the conclusion that I seriously don't know. The kind of relationships I've had with women are rather like William Shakespear's Romeo and Juliet but rather than finding Juliet, I'm constantly finding Rosaline no matter what I do. I thought I knew what the difference between love and infatuation are; love and lust is easy but love and infatuation? For that matter, lust and infatuation is somewhat easy to tell apart. Is it infatuation or love if you try to take the time to get to know someone and try to build a relationship out of what you first felt for them? In this case I'm talking about a rush of 'love' and the desire to care for one another.
Unfortunately, in my case it's been me feeling such but feeling afraid to tell her then committing mental suicide by jumping off that ever present emotional cliff and finally just saying 'I love you' and hoping I don't 'die' when reaching the bottom to either rocks or an ocean. More often than not, I land on rocks or what I think are rocks as the woman never returns my feelings. Sometimes I do land on rocks and the woman reams me out for feeling such nonsense and in one case she says yes and we try and find that we just don't work out. In the latest case, the woman even tries not to hurt me and succeeds in not doing so but guyding me to the conclusion that she doesn't feel the same way and we even hug after. That time I got lucky and she let me go unharmed. Rather than letting me commit emotional suicide again, she secures a harnise and rope then guides me down the cliff of fea r never letting me do anything foolish like trying to hide from facing the music. Still it was scary and I wish never to do it again but I know I will jump off again after finding another I've fallen for. There's no logic to my falling for someone, she just has to be there and bam, love at first encounter. No she's cute, she sounds nice, not even I like her form although that does happen but it doesn't contribute to the love feeling; it just happens.
I doubt I'm the only one to experience 'love for no reason'. Check out the alchemist by Paulo Cuehlo; in one passage of the story, Santiago tells Fatima only a second after meeting her 'I love you; I'm going to come here and meet you every day'. In another passage, Fatima tells Santiago 'one is loved because one is loved; no reason is needed for loving.' I feel the same way and I love a particular someone because I love her; to me there is no other reason. However, to bui ld a relationship does require common interests, trust respect and preferably a good solid friendship as a foundation. Building a relationship though hard is not what I'm concerned about as I'm happy to do so after the first hurdle has been jumped. I'm more concerned with not feeling like a prat when trying to tell a woman I love her then not feeling like she's going to hit me or something if her answer is no. Although it hasn't happened yet in this lifetime, the thought of her even thinking about hitting me because I said the 3 dreaded 'I love you' words makes me quake in fear. Of course once the emotional crisis is over and then she decides to 'smack my bum' as the saying goes then I'm able to laugh but never during the emotional storm.
So, what would I like my ideal partner to be like? That's simple; honest, kind and adventurous. I also like it when they're naughty; in this context I'm refering to the bedroom. Other than that, I'm happy to grow with her, learn from her, teach her and live happily.
Kind regards, Amin Abdullah.
URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=169606#p169606
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