It's a tough thing Jess. The thing is, your family made the right decision. I went through this with my Gramps. That is more or less how I ended up in West Michigan. We tried to let him live with us in metro Detroit for a bit but he didn't like that either. For me the take away from my experience is to recognize that at some point we all will need help. As you get older you need to recognize and accept that as fact. *IF* you are very lucky you may be able to live with family. But if you need more intensive help it is simply not an option given the way most of us live. At some level I am 100% sure you mom knows she is where she needs to be.
If she was "at home" she'd be in a far worse situation, Jess. You *KNOW* that but you have to internalize it. It is hard but I guess the best thing you can do is just work on really accepting that you have made the very best decision you could make given your family's circumstances. Your mom is being well cared for, and you are able to visit her, be thankful for those things and take comfort that you are able to afford a nice place. It ain't cheap, I know... Imagine the family's that have no choice but to try and care for someone who needs constant assistance... Take comfort in that Jess. It will help :) dvs On Feb 3, 8:40 am, "[email protected]" <[email protected]> wrote: > Yesterday was a tough day and I feel like dumping it on someone, so > here I go. I went to visit my mom. She is now living in a nursing > home about an hour from me. She has dementia. My siblings and I > moved her there last summer. > > She couldn't live alone anymore. And she can't live with any of us > because she wanders. Well, she more than just wanders, she takes > off. Even when we have her over for dinner, which she loves, she'll > take off. I don't know where she's going. Neither does she. > > She needs 24 hour supervision. > > So, we found a wonderful place for her to live. She has her own room > with private bath, it's a brand new building, the staff are wonderful, > there are enclosed courtyards where she can go outside. I honestly > feel like God led us to this place. > > So, you would think that with finding a beautiful place for her to > live and the fact that every doctor, social worker and nearly every > family member agreed that she needed to be there that I could rest > easy that the right choice was made. I can't. I still feel guilty. > > Yesterday I went to see her. I go every week and I bring her home > with me for the day when I can. Yesterday she was really sad. She > was still in her pajamas when I got there. She got up and started to > get around to go out with me. Then she turned to me, looked me right > in the eye and said, "I just want to go home. I really just want to go > home." It breaks my heart. > > I know she wants to go home. Wouldn't you just want to go home? I > wish she could be home but she can't. > > And this, I cannot resolve in my mind. She should be home, she can't > be home, she should be home, she can't be home--- that's how it goes > in my brain. > > I read recently that men tend to be more successful than women when > they diet because of a difference in men's brains. They did a study > and found that once a man makes a decision about something it turns > off the emotional part of the brain related to that decision. Women, > however, will still continue to experience the emotions related to > that decision even after the decision is made. > > I want a man's brain. > > Thanks for letting me vent. jess --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "BGG Down" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/BGG_down?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
