I am 100% not trying to say anything bad. I am only pointing this out because I know two people who went through this, separate cases. You say, the custody of the children is just a casual agreement; then say you put a statement in your will, that is as much as you can do. Aren't those two conflicting statements?
Not really, we separated and shared custody for a short time, but I wanted the kids, she didn't care, and the kids wanted to live with me, so it sort of just happened. I later remarried, and Linda has been wonderful with them, but I have never resolved the custody thing legally. When we got married, we made new wills, as everyone should. I was shocked to hear from my solicitor that I had no way of ensuring that the children end up with Linda, other than to express my wishes in writing in the hope that the courts would consider my request post mortem.
The only way I could firm this up would be to actually sue for custody, then try and get them adopted by Linda, but it seems to me that any mother - even one who hasn't wanted much to do with her children - is going to react badly to someone suggesting that they are not going to be her kids anymore, and the fight would be on. I'm much happier to keep things rolling along the way they are, where she sees them whenever she wants which is not very often (she lives in another state with a new partner). It's only casual in the sense that there is no court order specifying who has custody, but it has been permanent for about 6 years now. (Which is why I worry less about Julia's hypothetical now, though Steve's post has made me nervous all over again - :-) thanks! )
Cheers Russell C.
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