I second what Perry said. Every introductory session I teach, I try to emphasize to beginners that they may say no to anybody, for any reason, and all it requires is a simple "no thank you."
I don't generally think booking dances ahead is rude. But I think booking dances in the middle of a line, instead of paying attention to your current partner and dance, is. There might be discreet ways of doing so with people you know very well, but asking a question and expecting an answer during a 4 second allemande or swing seems like it is pretty likely to bleed into the next move. -Dave On Mon, Jan 21, 2013 at 12:33 PM, Perry Shafran <ps...@yahoo.com> wrote: > As I have heard others say, everyone has the freedom to decline a dance > with anybody they want, and no explanation is necessary, other than a > polite "no thank you". > > Perry > > > ________________________________ > From: Maia McCormick <maia....@gmail.com> > To: Caller's discussion list <call...@sharedweight.net> > Sent: Monday, January 21, 2013 12:05 PM > Subject: Re: [Callers] Booking Ahead - (was ideas for callers about > sidelines) > > An especially frustrating manifestation of booking ahead, in my mind, is > the mid-dance book-ahead with someone you're not already sure is interested > in dancing with you. I feel like it deserves a special mention just because > I personally find it very difficult and flustering to have to decline > someone or formulate any coherent response in the middle of a swing, say, > and so I usually just agree, and sometimes end up dancing with people that > I would rather not be dancing with. > > Which brings me to another point I've been wondering about: exactly how > much freedom does a dancer have to decline dance offers (assuming > non-booking-ahead)? Part of me feels that a pillar of contra is the > knowledge that you don't get turned down, and that anyone can dance with > anyone. But I feel very strongly that no one should have to dance with > someone who makes them uncomfortable. However, there's some sort of > confusing grey area in between. There are people I'd rather not dance with > because they make me acutely uncomfortable... and there are those that make > me slightly uncomfortable... there are those I find flashy and annoying, or > those whose swinging styles really don't fit with mine... You get the idea. > Not to seem like I don't want to dance with anyone but my friends--this > isn't the case--but I've always wondered just how much license the dancer > gets to choose their own partners, rather than accepting the first offer > that comes up. What are people's thoughts? > > Maia > > On Mon, Jan 21, 2013 at 3:42 PM, Ron T Blechner <contra...@gmail.com> > wrote: > > > Greg, > > > > For the dances where this is true, that's great. I have attended dances > > where that's the value of the community, and I love dance organizations > and > > communities who foster that. > > > > I've also been to a lot of dances where a specific culture of "we're here > > to dance with a lot of people" is not the default case. That is, in fact, > > the reason I brought up the "booking ahead" problem in the first place; I > > recognize that there are exceptions, and you've pointed some out, but by > > and large: > > > > ** Booking ahead is done because people want to dance with a small subset > > of dancers who are their friends / the "cool, hip dancers" / etc. ** > > > > So I don't, as a caller, make the assumption that you present. Instead, > I > > believe that unless a dance specifically fosters a new-dancer-friendly, > > inclusive environment, and goes out of its way to post signs / e-mails / > > promote discussion with callers / etc, dancers will generally see a > narrow > > view of what's going on at the dance. It's up to organizers and callers, > I > > believe, to specifically shape the dance to a friendly environment ... > > > > ... if that's the dance's goal. > > > > in dance, > > Ron > > > > On Sat, Jan 19, 2013 at 1:10 PM, Greg McKenzie <greken...@gmail.com> > > wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > My approach is to assume the best of the dancers and allow them to take > > the > > > initiative and rise to the occasion. I assume that all dancers at an > > open, > > > public contra dance are attracted to that venue--at least in part--by > the > > > prospect of dancing with lots of folks new to them personally and new > to > > > dancing contras. As a caller it is my responsibility to make that > > process > > > both easy and fun for them. > > > > > > My experience is that this assumption always pays off. I am not saying > > it > > > works perfectly every time. > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > Callers mailing list > > call...@sharedweight.net > > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > > > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > call...@sharedweight.net > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > call...@sharedweight.net > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > -- David Casserly (cell) 781 258-2761
