Today O'Reilly announced, "Jesus will praise us for removing Saddam!"
I'm so sure. Like Jesus will say, "Dude! You guys really cleaned up
down there. You took a bad guy out and hey!, you only had a few
bystander deaths. You know that first commandment....Yeah, well, I
forgot to add that it didn't apply to 'collateral damages'. Anyway,
sweet job guys!"
Just one more reason that I wouldn't want to be associated with any
particular faith.
Marlon Moyer wrote:
> Or just realize "there is no spoon"
>
> Matthew Small wrote:
>
> > It's never too late to start practicing. It will probably bring you
> > some inner peace. You should try your native faith or that of your
> > wife and children. Good luck.
> >
> > - Matt Small
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: Charlie Griefer
> > To: CF-Community
> > Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 4:00 PM
> > Subject: Re: Re:distinctions between xmas and chanukah
> >
> > Heya Ben:
> >
> > Actually that was said with a hint of sarcasm (what? you couldn't
> > hear it?) : )
> >
> > Unfortunately, that's the way it was in my house. We just weren't
> > very religious...and it was fairly early on that Chanukah
> > 'degenerated' into a simple gift exchange with no ceremony attached to
> > it...and ultimately into nothing at all.
> >
> > Today, I consider myself a non-practicing Jew. I'm married to a
> > wonderful Lutheran woman, and we are raising our children
> > Lutheran. My wife's religion was simply more important to her than
> > mine was to me, due to the way each of us was brought up. To be
> > honest, it's very depressing not having a religion to believe in. I
> > don't mind at all that my daughter (and whatever children follow) are
> > going to be raised Lutheran. I wouldn't have cared if I had fallen in
> > love and married a Catholic or an Episcopalean or for that matter... a
> > Jew. All that mattered (and matters) to me is that whatever religion
> > it ended up being...that they practiced it. I don't necessarily care
> > what they believe...but I want them to believe in *something*.
> >
> > Trust me, I envy you for taking pleasure in the simple act of
> > lighting the candles and saying the prayers (regardless of whether or
> > not gifts were involved). I envy your children for having had those
> > principles instilled in them (and commend you for doing so). I'm
> > going to try and do the same for my children. Wish me luck : )
> >
> > Charlie
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: Ben Braver
> > To: CF-Community
> > Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 12:38 PM
> > Subject: Re:distinctions between xmas and chanukah
> >
> > Oh, Charlie, do I ever disagree with you on this:
> >
> > "No reason to light the menorah and say a prayer if there were no
> > presents to open", you say?
> >
> > *NOT*
> >
> > My young-adult kids even asked a couple of years ago that I not go
> > overboard trying to fill up 8 days with presents.
> >
> > We say the blessings and light the menorah whether we have
> > presents or not. I love to sit and watch the candles. Yes, sometimes
> > we skip a night due to some of the schedule conflicts this time of
> > year, but not because there are no gifts for that night...
> >
> > YMMV.
> >
> > -Ben
> >
> > > my take on #10...
> > >
> > > kids will always get their xmas presents...
> > > but on any given night of Chanukah, a parent reserves the right to
> > > withhold presents (or at least to threaten to do so).
> > >
> > > Actually I was relatively young when my parents started the
> > > "bargaining process". As the presents I wanted became more and
> > more
> > > expensive, I was told, "OK...but if you want <name of more
> > expensive
> > > present here>, you can only get 5 gifts instead of 8".
> > >
> > > Eventually one gift got exchanged, the menorah gathered dust (no
> > > reason to light the menorah and say a prayer if there were no
> > presents
> > > to open), and we all just grew up and grew jaded : )
> > >
> > > ah, youth.
> > >
> >
> > > ----- Original Message -----
> >
> > > From: Ben Braver
> >
> > > To: CF-Community
> >
> > > Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 10:14 AM
> >
> > > Subject: Re:distinctions between xmas and chanukah
> > >
> > >
> >
> > > Oy, Charlie, ROFLMAO bubbela !!
> >
> > > Vay is meer, that was FUNNY!
> >
> > > But I don't get #10 ??
> >
> > > re: #12, Joseph preceded the Xmas carol saying
> >
> > > "Have yourself a Mary little Christmas"
> >
> > > <hohoho>
> >
> > > -Ben
> > >
> >
> > > >HOLIDAY DISTINCTIONS
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >1. Christmas is one day, same day every year: December 25. Jews
> > also
> > > love
> >
> > > >December 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to
> movies and
> > > out for
> >
> > > >Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It
> > starts the
> > > evening
> >
> > > >of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever
> > sure. Jews
> > > never
> >
> > > >know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts,
> > forcing us
> > > to
> >
> > > >consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the
> > > same
> >
> > > >calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World
> > Jewish
> >
> > > >Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel
> > > (especially
> >
> > > >in Florida) or other Jewish funeral home.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday
> > with the
> > > same
> >
> > > >theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we
> survived,
> > > let's
> >
> > > >eat.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
> > > stereos...
> >
> > > >Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the
> > > collected works
> >
> > > >of the Rambam, which looks impressive on the bookshelf.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide
> > how to
> > > spell
> >
> > > >Chanukah, Chanukah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and
> > boyfriends.
> > > Their
> >
> > > >partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that
> > burden.
> > > No
> >
> > > >one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for
> > > Chanukah.
> >
> > > >Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to
> feel
> > > good
> >
> > > >about not contributing to the energy crisis.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >7. Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come All Ye
> > Faithful....
> > >
> >
> > > >Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a
> party
> > > and
> >
> > > >dancing the horah. Of course, we are secretly pleased that
> many of
> > > the
> >
> > > >beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal
> brethren.
> > > And don't
> >
> > > >Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet
> > smell
> > > of
> >
> > > >cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in
> > festive
> > > moods.
> >
> > > >A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and
> onions.
> > > The home,
> >
> > > >as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >9. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Women burn their
> > eyes and
> > > cut
> >
> > > >their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkas on Chanukah.
> > > Another
> >
> > > >reminder of our suffering through the ages.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >10. Parents deliver to their children during Christmas. Jewish
> > > parents have
> >
> > > >no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >11. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce
> > names
> > > such as
> >
> > > >Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story are
> > > Antiochus,
> >
> > > >Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or
> > pronounce
> > > it. On
> >
> > > >the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they
> > believe we
> > > are
> >
> > > >wonderfully versed in our history.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >12. Many Christians believe in the virgin birth. Jews think,
> > "Joseph,
> > >
> >
> > > >Bubela, snap out of it. Your woman is pregnant, you didn't
> > sleep with
> > > her,
> >
> > > >and now you want to blame G-d. Here's the number of my shrink."
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > >13. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more
> > > commercialized. The
> >
> > > >same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor
> > holiday. It
> > > makes
> >
> > > >sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur?
> > Forget
> > > about
> >
> > > >celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve
> > yourself for
> > > 27
> >
> > > >hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest,
> > confess
> > > your
> >
> > > >sins, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a
> > mere
> > > $200
> >
> > > >per person.
> >
> > > >
> >
>
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