Hi Ian,
Thanks for reviewing the document. My rationale for the repetition
was that the reader should quickly know what the message is about, but
we should also close with a summary of what we're asking them for. I'm
working on trimming out the mentions in the middle. Maybe if the
document can be trimmed to a shorter size, the end repetition is no
longer necessary though? The other thing I wanted to be sure to do, is
not just say "To whom it may concern: hey, we need money", we need to
directly ask them to donate.
Maybe I'm off-base on those points, but that was my rationale anyways.
Cheers,
Dan
On Tue, Nov 17, 2015 at 6:08 AM, Ian Clarke <[email protected]> wrote:
> On Tue, Nov 17, 2015 at 1:01 AM, Dan Roberts <[email protected]> wrote:
>>
>>
>> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EohzxhrgM1Ky4CaKpk72WiUNepFeT5krdReEKxDyL8o/edit?usp=sharing
>>
>> I've annotated lots of things I don't like with comments, I'm sure people
>> will find many more things they hate. That's fine, be brutal. It's probably
>> also too long...
>
>
> A great start, but definitely way too long, and quite repetitive (we tell
> them we need funds about 6 times!). We should remove any sentence that is
> repetitive or otherwise redundant.
>
> Ian.
>
>
> --
> Ian Clarke
> Founder, The Freenet Project
> Email: [email protected]
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