http://tinyurl.com/9r6u8cd
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=eF9AC2Ce2ow --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Emily Reyn <emilymae.reyn@...> wrote: > > Dearest Robin, I'm going to let you get away with this one.  > > > ________________________________ > From: Robin Carlsen <maskedzebra@...> > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > Sent: Saturday, August 18, 2012 3:20 PM > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Ramblings around Leiden > > >  > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Emily Reyn <emilymae.reyn@> wrote: > > > > Dearest Robin, RC, RC(C) (subscript or superscript - let us say that the > > "C" stands for "compassionate" shall we? àJust add that to your many > > personas) à> > > > You acknowledge me where I am, as I am, and you give me that gift. àYes, > > I took on life, but in a rebellious way and now I am forced to take a more > > gentle approach and I am pretty P.O'd when I'm not visiting the victim > > 'hood. à> > > > The inner drive, the energy that sustained me, my ability to write and > > think for a living, my physical stamina - I depended on these things - they > > defined me (took them for granted in hindsight.) These things have faded in > > the last 1.5 years - my emotions took over, demanded attention, overwhelmed > > me. àAhhh, WTF? àIs it the hormones, is it the family of origin > > issues, is it my karma, is it the collapsed adrenal system, is it > > unprocessed grief, is it negative entities taking over, is it the diet, is > > it lack of spiritual discipline, is it that I am inherently flawed? > > àSelf-forgiveness is the hardest thing I do, or don't do as the case may > > be. àIn my elementary understanding and reading of well-known > > verse..."Jesus said, Father forgive them for they know not what they do." > > àThis helps me forgive others, but I give myself no such out. à> > > > My new philosophy is "pay attention to the next indicated step." àIt's > > all I can do..show up for drill...try to stay present. àMy memory fails > > me....what is happening "now"? àOh yeah, I have a dog and the kids are > > still here. àAlright then, off to a walk in the park and a visit to the > > counselor. àOur new thing. (I'm a hard ass if you didn't know...my kids > > will tell you I lack compassion.) àI said: "Either you agree to family > > counseling or you move out. àPeriod. Oh, you are only 15 (to the > > youngest)? àI don't care." àThey believe me. àI'm firm, not always > > fair, and not always consistent, but they believe me. It's my latest > > attempt to salvage the family and after today's session, my oldest thinks > > there may be a glimmer of hope. àSmall steps. à> > > > You have been mentioning my name of late...every time, I say "What?" > > à"Do you mean me?" à"Seriously?" à"Where are my poetry books?" The > > last philosophy I really remember reading was while on long passages on a > > sailboat back in my 20's - Nietzsche, Kierkegaard and then the novelsà, > > Siddhartha andàMadame Bovary, as I recall. àWhere was Jung? I should > > read Jung perhaps. àI have so many books. > > > > Now Robin, baby, I want to tell you that your posts always surprise me. > > àAll of them. àI look forward to reading them. àI am so happy you > > are here for now. àHow funny the Iranitea exchange was. àHow fabulous > > is Share to chat unconditionally with you. àUnlike Marek, I don't see > > FFL as a violent place - all that makes me laugh. àNot unlike today's > > Prairie Home Companion. àThey did the skit on conflict avoidance that > > was so funny. àShare, are you reading this? àThis is for you. àYou > > have to imagine the voices of Garrison Keillor and the typical radio female > > of that show.à> > > > http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/programs/2011/10/08/scripts/sailboat.shtml > > > > > > On FFL, the currently departed Mr. Price helped me claim and own pieces of > > my past and places I had been that I had hidden far away from others for > > many long years. àHe gave me the gift of forgiveness and I love him for > > that. àYou give it to me as well. àI allow it in when outside, in the > > trees, at the beach. àThe ocean is so extraordinary - subtly and vastly > > different at every beach - it cares not about our little concerns - it is > > relentless in it's beauty. It washes over me again and again and I cry in > > gratitude. à> > http://tinyurl.com/6esha4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4nUFxsZqpA > > ________________________________ > > From: Robin Carlsen <maskedzebra@> > > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > > Sent: Sunday, July 29, 2012 7:34 AM > > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Ramblings around Leiden > > > > > > à> > Dear Emily, > > > > I can't help but feel the struggle and trauma of what you have been passing > > through for some time now: "I have fallen from the top of my game to not > > being in the game at all in a pretty short timeframe, with no end in sight, > > and a lot of responsibilities remaining". I wish I could offer up a remedy; > > and obviously you have read too much on this forum not to have anything > > more than an ambivalent attitude towards Transcendental Meditation. > > Neverthelessââ¬"and in a way which I suppose is quite different from the > > Share Long approachââ¬"I would reach out to you with my caring for you, > > even as I don't know you at all. But anyone who has followed your posts at > > FFL must know the willingness of yourself to take on lifeââ¬"and what it > > seems to be dishing out to youââ¬"and to not be conquered by your > > misfortune. For myself, regardless of what you write on FFL, I sense > > someone who deserves the good will and the love of those who would wish > > someone who has > suffered as you > > have sufferedââ¬"and who is the appealing human being that you > > areââ¬"to receive the grace to be healed, and for your life to not be as > > hard as it has been. > > > > So, Emily, I can do nothing by way of recommending gurus or spiritual > > practices; but I can extend my heart to you with real feeling and honesty > > of intention, and at least know that you will believe me when I say I care > > about youââ¬"and your children. So, all this amounts to is a kind of > > personal prayer that life in its terrible complexity and hiddenness (in > > terms of the meaning it has in mind in making you descend from such a > > height as you haveââ¬"from professional success and mastery to a sense of > > being defeated and held down) will somehow turn around for you, and we can > > all rejoice in learning that somehow you are being given some greater > > support and strength. To know, then, that you will make it and you will not > > be thrown down into any kind of final helplessness and futility. I think I > > will just say it, Emily: I feel a real affection for you and this post is > > just to make that known to you. > > > > Sincerely. > > > > Robin > > > > Awww, so nice. I don't require acknowledgment and I'm practicing > > listening, which my kids say I don't do enough of. I am a chirper in my > > current state and am not in the least offended; in fact FFL seldom offends > > me personally...and when it does, not for long. Mostly I laugh, which is a > > good thing. > > > > I'm not as nimble as most of ya'll, either in verse or intellectual musings > > or spiritual discourse or witticisms (is that a word?). I enjoy reading > > and trying to assimilate what crosses here. My brain still doesn't work > > the way it used to and I am beginning to seriously worry as I have fallen > > from the top of my game to not being in the game at all in a pretty short > > timeframe, with no end in sight, and a lot of responsibilities remaining. > > I have been hiding and in denial about many things. But, I'm coming out of > > my denial and as I have yet to be diagnosed with a terminal illness, it > > looks like I'm going to *really* have to reinvent my life before all the > > money runs out. There is no going back. > > > > From: Robin Carlsen <maskedzebra@> > > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > > Sent: Friday, July 27, 2012 12:12 PM > > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Ramblings around Leiden > > > > Dear Bhairitu, > > > > Very good point, Bhairitu. I wanted to insult Emily, but thought no one > > would notice. You caught my real intention hereâââ¬"and I am found > > out. > > > > Is there any way I can expiate for my derogatory remark? > > > > Your objection (which nailed me good) reminds me of the idea of poetry: > > "imaginary gardens with real toads in them". > > > > But I, for one, am glad that the Pudget Sound lady graces us once in awhile > > by rubbing her wings together to create a distinct chirp,âââ¬"which, > > you will observe, silences. > > > > Robin > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Bhairitu <noozguru@> wrote: > > > > > > So now you're calling Emily a cricket? You're pretty amazing, Robin. :-D > > > > > > On 07/27/2012 09:56 AM, Robin Carlsen wrote: > > > > There is a cricket named Emily who just chirped. Did any of you guys > > > > hear her? Her chirp seems to be one sound that is not to be heard. One > > > > person heard the chirp and pulled out his noise-maker. And then the > > > > other noise-makers all came out. I guess I was just hearing things. > > > > Pretty soon it will be as if the cricket named Emily never did chirp. > > > > > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Bhairitu <noozguru@> wrote: > > > >> On 07/27/2012 01:44 AM, turquoiseb wrote: > > > >>> --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, nablusoss1008 <no_reply@> wrote: > > > >>>> --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Bhairitu <noozguru@> wrote: > > > >>>>>> Nothing in Holland is far from Vlodrop, including Leiden :-) > > > >>>>> Ever been to the states, Nabby? Some of our states are bigger > > > >>>>> than some of the European countries (including the larger ones). > > > >>>> I know, I've driven through endless cornfields probably bigger > > > >>>> than the entire Holland :-) My point was that perhaps the > > > >>>> Turq-fellow finally was picking up some silence from Vlodrop. > > > >>> Nabby's point was self importance, and trying to suggest > > > >>> that Maharishi and the TMO could "take credit" for the > > > >>> silence I feel around Leiden. > > > >> Do you have crickets chirping in the evening as I have around here? I > > > >> even have a freeway about a block away but out here it is "country > > > >> quiet" with all the amenities of an suburban city. Such are the > > > >> benefits of living in what was once John Muir's orchard. ;-) > > > >> > > > > > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Emily Reyn <emilymae.reyn@> wrote: > > > > > > Awww, so nice. ÃâàI don't require acknowledgment and I'm practicing > > > listening, which my kids say I don't do enough of. ÃâàI am a > > > chirper in my current state and am not in the least offended; in fact FFL > > > seldom offends me personally...and when it does, not for long. > > > ÃâàMostly I laugh, which is a good thing. Ãâà> > > > > > I'm not as nimble as most of ya'll, either in verse or intellectual > > > musings or spiritual discourse or witticisms (is that a word?). > > > ÃâàI enjoy reading and trying to assimilate what crosses here. > > > ÃâàMy brain still doesn't work the way it used to and I am > > > beginning to seriously worry as I have fallen from the top of my game to > > > not being in the game at all in a pretty short timeframe, with no end in > > > sight, and a lot of responsibilities remaining. ÃâàI have been > > > hiding and in denial about many things. ÃâàBut, I'm coming out of > > > my denial and as I have yet to be diagnosed with a terminal illness, it > > > looks like I'm going to *really* have to reinvent my life before all the > > > money runs out. ÃâàThere is no going back. Ãâà> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > From: Robin Carlsen <maskedzebra@> > > > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > > > Sent: Friday, July 27, 2012 12:12 PM > > > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Ramblings around Leiden > > > > > > > > > Ãâà> > > Dear Bhairitu, > > > > > > Very good point, Bhairitu. I wanted to insult Emily, but thought no one > > > would notice. You caught my real intention hereâââ¬"and I am found > > > out. > > > > > > Is there any way I can expiate for my derogatory remark? > > > > > > Your objection (which nailed me good) reminds me of the idea of poetry: > > > "imaginary gardens with real toads in them". > > > > > > But I, for one, am glad that the Pudget Sound lady graces us once in > > > awhile by rubbing her wings together to create a distinct > > > chirp,âââ¬"which, you will observe, silences. > > > > > > Robin > > > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Bhairitu <noozguru@> wrote: > > > > > > > > So now you're calling Emily a cricket? You're pretty amazing, Robin. :-D > > > > > > > > On 07/27/2012 09:56 AM, Robin Carlsen wrote: > > > > > There is a cricket named Emily who just chirped. Did any of you guys > > > > > hear her? Her chirp seems to be one sound that is not to be heard. > > > > > One person heard the chirp and pulled out his noise-maker. And then > > > > > the other noise-makers all came out. I guess I was just hearing > > > > > things. Pretty soon it will be as if the cricket named Emily never > > > > > did chirp. > > > > > > > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Bhairitu <noozguru@> wrote: > > > > >> On 07/27/2012 01:44 AM, turquoiseb wrote: > > > > >>> --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, nablusoss1008 <no_reply@> > > > > >>> wrote: > > > > >>>> --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Bhairitu <noozguru@> wrote: > > > > >>>>>> Nothing in Holland is far from Vlodrop, including Leiden :-) > > > > >>>>> Ever been to the states, Nabby? Some of our states are bigger > > > > >>>>> than some of the European countries (including the larger ones). > > > > >>>> I know, I've driven through endless cornfields probably bigger > > > > >>>> than the entire Holland :-) My point was that perhaps the > > > > >>>> Turq-fellow finally was picking up some silence from Vlodrop. > > > > >>> Nabby's point was self importance, and trying to suggest > > > > >>> that Maharishi and the TMO could "take credit" for the > > > > >>> silence I feel around Leiden. > > > > >> Do you have crickets chirping in the evening as I have around here? I > > > > >> even have a freeway about a block away but out here it is "country > > > > >> quiet" with all the amenities of an suburban city. Such are the > > > > >> benefits of living in what was once John Muir's orchard. ;-) > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
