I think you were writing this as I was riffing on a similar thing. In Catholic theology the immaculate conception is not about Mary being a virgin, but being uniquely born without original sin and therefor able to bear Jesus. So the jury is still out on Joseph's mojo.
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, turquoiseb <no_reply@...> wrote: > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "curtisdeltablues" <curtisdeltablues@> > wrote: > > > > Wow that poster in NYC proved it really IS the Age of > > Enlightenment. Thanks for posting that. > > Thought you'd like it. :-) > > <snippus interruptus, cutting to the...uh...climax) > > > Speaking of that [the mythology of Christmas] I was > > considering how consensual the whole Holy Ghost hook-up > > was back in the day...I mean if a boss comes on to an > > employee we cry foul and bust him for coercion. I think > > the whole Mary story is ripe for a feminist retelling > > as a tragedy. What choice did she really have when the > > creepy uncle of the Triune God made a play for her? Did > > he during what must have been a fairly clumsy seduction > > remind her of what he did to the dinosaurs, or was it > > like the greatest Justin Bieber concert display but in > > the end he takes her back to the dressing room? Did he > > at least let her finish or was it just a typical wham > > bam thank you mam? Did she feel obliged to fake it to > > sooth his monstrous ego. "Oh baby, that was divine!" > > > > These are the questions that swirl around my head as I > > gaze on my nativity. Did Mary know what he son was > > headed for when she signed up her uterus for this > > project, or was it presented like a Hollywood script > > with a lot of pages at the end with TBD at the top? Did > > her youth and inexperience, her cultural deference to men > > limit her ability to ask how it all ends before she signed > > on? What if she had told him she had a headache that night, > > would he have been a gentleman? > > > > And having been around a few babies in my time, when Mary > > changed his diaper did even the Oxen rear up their heads > > and lumber out of the manger grunting "damn that holy > > guacamole is nasty!" > > While your version of the Christmas Story is far more > entertaining than most, I have to log in as saying that > it still sets off my inner Occam's Razor Detector a tad > too much. The reason is that it riffs off of, but still > relies on, Mary's version of the Immaculate Conception. > That is, that there actually *was* a human-ghost get-it-on. > > While there may be some anecdotal evidence of women who > said that they were raped by non-physical beings, there > is not a lot of evidence of anyone getting knocked up > as the result of such an astral assignation. So Occam's > Razor tells me that there must be a simpler -- and thus > more likely -- explanation for her pregnancy. > > My theory revolves around the somewhat curious fact that > Mary is continually referred to as a virgin. This despite > the fact that she's married to this older guy, Joseph. > > What's up with that? > > Are we to assume that Joseph didn't diddle Mary because > he was psychically seeing Jesus coming and didn't want to > mess with a good myth? Or is it more likely that Joseph, > as nice a guy as he may have been, was a little weak in > the willy. A bit of erectile dysfunction, if you get what > I mean. Voila. The problem of Mary's lingering virginity > is solved -- Joe just couldn't get it up. > > So what's a young married babe (and you've seen the paint- > ings of Mary...she *was* a babe) to do? She's stuck in what > was probably an arranged marriage with this old fuck, and > because he can't get it up she's deprived of even the > sensual benefits of marriage. > > At this point Lem, the dim-witted but handsome and hunky > stableboy next door starts looking better and better. So > one day, while carpenter Joseph is off cutting wood instead > of springing it, Mary sneaks next door and gets it on with > Lem. You may assume that this indiscretion repeated itself > or that it was a one-afternoon stand, depending on how > religious you are, but eventually it resulted in Mary > getting good and knocked up. > > So she's gotta tell Joe. What to do, what to do? Should > Mary tell him the truth, and make him feel even shittier > about his wilted willy than he already does? So she thinks, > "Maybe I'll spare him all that pain and just make up some > outlandish story about getting knocked up by God." Voila, > Mary's version of the Immaculate Conception. > > I like this theory because it kinda leaves Joseph a nice, > if cuckolded, guy and Mary is easy to develop compassion > for because she was trying to spare his feelings. Plus, it > suits the Occam's Razor "the simplest explanation is the > most likely explanation" criterion. > > The only problem with this theory is that now we've got > to develop a whole mythology around Lem. It was *his* > genes that went on to become Jesus and change the world, > after all. Isn't it time Lem had his own church? >
