--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "Ann" <awoelflebater@...> wrote: > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Share Long <sharelong60@> wrote: > > > > Glad result was non malignant. Even though on one level malignant would > > have been ok too > > And you really, experientially believe that? That you could pull off that > statement when faced with that kind of grim diagnosis? I say very, very few > people could stand there and shrug it off, no corresponding shot of > adrenaline hitting you like a sledgehammer as you hear those words. Just > standing there with a sublime, accepting beatific expression on your face > thinking, "This is ok too..." > > It is not a belief, it just happened that way. And no, there was not some sublime expression on my face, just my usual dumb expression, hardly a model of beatific. Some years ago I had another diagnosis that did not go well, and I reacted the same way. But this is not the whole story. Everyone has their range of stresses, samskaras, engrams (a word used by Scientology but which goes back to early in the 20th century), whatever you want to call unfortunate or unpleasant reactions to a particular situation. We each have a different set of 'buttons', conditioned responses, for fears that can can be triggered by some situation. For example I know someone who totally freaks out if you say the word 'snake'. I saw this person practically go into convulsions when an image of a snake appeared on a TV program he/she was watching, putting the hands up over the face and cowering back, from just a picture.
In between these diagnoses I had, I saw a reference somewhere to a long lost, and mostly forgotten love. My experience just crashed into intense grief, and fear, and this was the most intense release I have ever experienced, beyond anything I could ever imagine. Whatever clarity of experience I had, and it was substantial, crashed to about 1%, and then gradually returned, even clearer, over a period of several years. So just because one has what might be called an astounding unattached reaction to a potentially grave situation, there is no guarantee that something else will not come along and blow your 'enlightenment' out of the water and bring back some aspect of your former persona that remained hidden out of mind, but lurking. >From what I have heard, these kinds of traumatic releases can be the worse one >will ever experience, and they tend to occur after a substantial awakening >experience, because by then, your system has become robust enough to handle >them - just barely - and once one has recovered from it, one is stronger than >ever. Not everyone experiences these. Some people wake up and are quite free >of residual samskaras, and some like me, have had the opportunity for one of >the great surprises of the enlightenment game. After it is done or almost done >one can muse 'how was I able to stand that?' It is humbling to get knocked off >your horse once in a while.
