oh, hideyo,
PLEASE be gentle with yourself.
we make the very best decisions we can at every moment, using the information we had at that moment. even if that information changes later on, even minutes later, our choice was NOT wrong, it was what was right at that moment. WE know, and i hope you can come to realize, that you would NEVER knowingly cause harm. whatever you did, it was correct when you did it.
sometimes this is the only way that we learn--the lessons are way too hard, but we best honor these critters who came to us as teachers by learning the lessons they came to teach us, and do better the next time.
kittens are far more fragile than most people think; anyone who works with them a lot comes to know that many will be lost. there are so many times when, no matter what we do, they are just not meant to be here long. all we can do is our best, and make sure that whatever time they spend with us is filled with love.
you gave the kitten that, hideyo; none of us minimize that great gift.
big hugs.
