From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of
Jessica
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 4:19 PM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: [skeptics-145] Fwd: Enjoy the read!
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 11:47 AM
Subject: Enjoy the read!
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that
includesCalifornia, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of
New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get
stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You
get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard.
You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you
get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently
willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you
success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the
country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92
percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines
(you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90
percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all
living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand,you
will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their
projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We
get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and
61 percent of you crazies believe you are people with higher morals then we
lefties.
Peace out,
Blue States
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