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A few
thoughts:
(1) The difficulty
that prompted this thread had to do with generic greetings offered to strangers,
whose preferences you might not know. There the option is to say Merry
Christmas, even if some people don't celebrate Christmas, or feel obligated to
stop saying this to everyone because of the objections of some.
(2) I agree that if
the person simply asked me not to say something to him, I'd be somewhat less
miffed than if he was trying to control my conversation with others. Yet I
wouldn't take kindly to it, either, because I suspect that it's quite hard to
refrain from using "hello," "bye," "please," "thank you," and the like.
Terms like this are generally said with no deliberation, chiefly as a matter of
habit. It is actually a pretty substantial imposition to ask someone to
turn these automatic gestures into something that is said with reflection, which
is what's required if the speaker is to keep saying something to virtually
everyone but stop saying it to a particular person.
(3) Moreover, as I
suggested in an earlier post, the problem is exacerbated by the likelihood that
this one request -- if accepted as socially obligating -- will beget still
more. Once there are some people to whom you shouldn't say "hello," others
to whom you shouldn't say "thank you," others in front of whom you shouldn't say
"God," and so on, the list becomes pretty hard to manage. I suspect that
those of us who still use Mr./Ms. to address some people and first names to
address others have experienced some difficulty in trying to remember on what
terms one is with a person; I know I do. Likewise, in Russian and many
other languages, you have to keep track with whom you're on informal terms (what
used to be "thou" in English, or is "tu" in French) and with whom you're on
formal terms ("you" / "vous"); that's also a pain -- English speakers are
fortunate in not having to go through that. Social convention imposes
enough burdens on us; imposing the burden of having to remember which words are
forbidden for which people is even greater.
(4) So, no, I don't
like to be put in a position where (a) I'm told that I should stop saying
something, even to a particular person, and (b) if I try to accommodate the
person, I'm likely to slip up and then be faulted for violating this
self-imposed obligation. Such demands to censor what I say to certain
people are impositions, and while I may accommodate them on some occasions, I do
not feel any obligation to do so.
Eugene
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Monday, November 28, 2005 3:48 PM To: religionlaw@lists.ucla.edu Subject: Re: The Holiday That Dare Not Speak Its Name
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